


Dirty Blonde

by Athena_Ergane



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Gender Issues, Genderswap, Het, Het and Slash, Humor, M/M, Oral Sex, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Shower Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-26
Updated: 2013-01-19
Packaged: 2017-11-22 11:50:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 86,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/609521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Athena_Ergane/pseuds/Athena_Ergane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean wakes up on the female side of the bed. The boys try to discover how "he" became a "she," while Dean struggles with his new-found femininity. Romantic dramedy ensues. This is the story of Dean's unexpected, unwanted supernatural sex-change!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I usually have zero interest in sex-change/gender-swap fics, but I got an idea that I had to write down. I didn't realize what a tricky position I would be in during the writing process in regards to what pronouns to use. I opted to use female pronouns for fem!Dean in the end even though I know they are not perfect. I want to clear up ahead of time that this isn't a fic intended to comment on transgender issues. For the purposes of this fic, I didn't consider Dean to be transgender as I wrote because we all know he was born with a male sex and he developed a male gender identity, which would make him cisgendered. Throughout this fic, he remains "cisgendered" in mind.
> 
> As I wrote this story, I separated the concepts of "sex" and "gender." I believe gender is a socially constructed concept that varies by culture, while sex is biologically based. Although, yes, a person's sex can be a blurry line too as seen in hermaphrodites and those people with XXY chromosomes, etc. I refer to Dean as a "she" because his sex has changed to that of a woman. "She" and "her" are intended to refer ONLY to Dean's physical appearance, which is female. So, I settled for feminine pronouns to describe Dean mainly because I believed those would create the best picture of Dean's current physical state (the change in sex). I also believed using male pronouns for all the characters would be confusing because Sam and Cas are also male. (Who wants to read 'he looked at him looking at him' when I can more clearly distinguish characters by sex?). The limits of the English language force me to choose between either male OR female descriptors. I believe there are issues with both in describing Dean, so there's really no ideal choice for me. 
> 
> Anyway, wow. Just don't think about it too much and don't take it too seriously. This is meant to be a stupid, silly fic for laughs. :)

Sam was torn from his peaceful sleep by the sound of a woman screaming. Her screams pierced through his senses like fiery bits of shrapnel. He reacted with the instinct of a man used to hunting and being hunted. Noting that Dean was nowhere to be seen, the youngest Winchester proceeded with extreme caution. Carrying the gun he kept at his bedside at the ready, he inched towards the bathroom where he heard a faint sobbing.

He thought about calling out to whoever was in their bathroom, but made a rush for it instead. Within seconds, he was pointing his gun in the vicinity of a beautiful woman kneeling on the tiled floor. Disregarding her as a threat, he inspected the rest of the bathroom and found nothing. The woman was trembling and openly weeping in the most disconcerting manner.

"Miss, it's alright. Tell me what happened. I can help," Sam addressed her in a controlled and even tone. Through the darkness, Sam was able to tell that she was wearing Dean's clothes now that he was by her side. This wasn't the first time—and he doubted it would be the last—that he saw a young woman in his brother's clothing. Sam feared the worst. "Where's Dean?"

Sam's statements only seemed to distress the woman more. She wiped her face repeatedly and leveled her uncertain green eyes at him. "Is this a dream?" She cried, "Sammy, tell me this isn't real."

Before him, Sam saw a freckled face, plump pink lips, and dirty blonde hair that fell in subtle waves over narrow shoulders. He had never seen this particular woman before and yet even her dusty, long eyelashes were somehow familiar. The way she called him by his nickname suggested that she, at least, knew him.

"No. No, no, no…" Sam muttered. " _Dean?_ "

The woman in Dean's clothing wailed and Sam quickly covered her mouth to keep the neighbors from calling the cops. If this was what he thought it was, they were in deep. Her breathing was rapid and anguished.

"Sammy, you called me 'Miss.' What the fuck. What the – the fuck!" The woman spat after Sam let go of her. "Sammy, do I, am I… Do I look like a woman to you? Because I feel like a woman. I looked in the mirror because I had to pee and then I couldn't find my cock."

Under less stressful circumstances, Sam would have died of laughter, but at the moment, he was too shocked to do anything other than listen to the female in the bathroom with him.

"I'm a chick, aren't I?" Dean pouted and buried herself in Sam's chest. "I have to be dreaming. I'm dreaming, right? This is just a really bad dream."

"You're Dean?" Sam replied, in denial. "Are you _sure?_ "

"Who else would I be?" The blonde raged.

Sam was about to say something about how this wouldn't be the first time Dean had slept with a mentally unstable woman, but he had no idea how to phrase that without insulting even the molecules in the air around them. Sam had never before seen a person who was changed from one sex to another, although he did not at all doubt the possibility. He cleared his throat, "Well…"

The female Dean moved back and took off her shirt and undershirt, giving her brother a perfect view of her narrow waist, ample breasts, and, most importantly, the tattoo on her chest. Sam absorbed these details in that order. Dean didn't put her shirt back on before continuing her case, "You're my brother. My only family. You should know me when you see me because we've been through Hell and back together."

"Holy…" Sam responded. "Dean, what did you _do?_ "

* * *

Dean spent the rest of the night stumbling around, repeatedly surprising herself with her newfound anatomy. Judging from Dean's frequent shedding of tears and agitated rants, transitioning from a "he" to a "she" seemed like the worst thing to happen to her. Dean couldn't remember any of the events from last night when she tried to figure out what could have possibly gone wrong and, at last, she fell into a dejected stupor. Sam had no way of knowing the severity of the situation, but he knew that he would have to calm his brother – no, sister – if they were going to make any progress on resolving this dilemma.

She was on the floor again, this time in the middle of the bedroom. Sam approached Dean and carefully wrapped an arm around her. "Hey, it's gonna be alright. This is just another case. We've dealt with so much supernatural shit, and there's no reason why we can't deal with this."

"It's terrible," Dean answered in a croak of a voice, with a silent tear falling down her cheek. Sam frowned, unsure if Dean's reaction to becoming a woman was healthy.

"It could be worse," Sam cooed, "Remember that time you turned into an old man?"

Dean nodded and gave a wry chuckle. Dean had been a grouchy old man.

"You didn't like that, now did you?" Sam went on, "At least this time you're just a hot girl. There's at least a million things worse than being a hot girl."

"I am hot, aren't I?" Dean replied, smiling weakly. "I always was the hot one."

"Yes you were," Sam answered. He didn't mind babying Dean as long as it got her to feel better.

"I bet I'm as hot of a chick as I was a dude," Dean added proudly.

"You're really, really sexy," Sam nodded. The woman in his arms looked up at Sam and beamed through her tears. She wiped her face clean, enjoying the feel of her soft skin almost too much. He had only been humoring her, but she truly was a devastating beauty even with all her tears. The similarity between this female version of his brother and Mary Winchester touched a sensitive nerve within Sam that made his heart ache.

The thoughts that flitted through Sam's mind were a confusing mixture of love, surprise, and guilt. "Maybe we should get you some clothes."

Now that Dean was about five inches shorter and several pounds lighter than her male-self, her clothing was hanging by a thread off her toned, slim body. "Right now? I don't know, Sam. I'm not feeling too hot."

"What, is something wrong?"

"I don't know how to explain this. I've got this killer headache and I feel like my stomach hurts. Ugh. It's a fucking nightmare. Is this the norm for a woman?" Dean growled, feeling her midsection. She felt over an especially tender area and winced. "Is that a uterus? Sammy, I think my uterus hurts."

Sam's hand flew to his mouth to stifle his laughter.

"It's not funny!"

"No, no. It's not," Sam agreed unconvincingly. _It's hilarious._ "Okay, listen. I'm sure it's nothing. You're probably just adjusting to your new body. You have a lot of… extra parts."

"Not the one that counts."

"Dean!" Sam chided. "We'll get you some clothes and some Tylenol and then we can start doing some research."

* * *

"Being a woman sucks," Dean said for the tenth time since they had meandered through the Wal-Mart. She didn't know what bra-size she wore and her headache had yet to subside. To make matters worse, Sam was terrible at picking out clothing. They had decided that Dean was better off hiding out in a dressing room because she had been unable to stop complaining as they shopped and she looked particularly unkempt in her men's clothing.

"Dean," Sam began, sighing heftily. "I'm sorry I don't know how to pick out bras, but you're not helping."

"They're all uncomfortable."

"That's not possible. You've tried on at least 15 by now. You have to have liked at least one."

"No! They're itchy. It doesn't feel right."

"You _need_ a bra," Sam said as he fumbled with the small mountain of clothing they had accumulated on the benches just outside the room Dean was in. Sam really didn't want to get into the fact that his brother was well-endowed, but he might have to if Dean insisted on strutting around indecently. With a chest like that, going bra-less was not an option.

"You know what? I'm starting to seriously doubt that! I'll just go without one," Dean protested.

"God help me," Sam moaned. As if on cue, Castiel appeared right beside Sam, making him jump.

"Sam, is there a problem?" Castiel asked the tallest Winchester. Sam looked around to make sure nobody had seen an angel appear from thin air, before dragging Cas as far from Dean's locked dressing room as he could. The angel always had the boys somewhere on his radar. He had been sensing intense anxiety from Dean for hours and had finally decided to check it out when Sam had cried for help.

"We're having a situation. Dean turned into a woman and he's bitching more than usual," Sam whispered. "Can you help?"

"Sam! Hey! You there? Just throw me something and let's get out of here! And don't you dare toss me another dress, you son of a bitch! And no more bras!"

"You see what I mean?" Sam gestured helplessly towards Dean's fitting room.

"I'll see what I can do," Castiel said and disappeared. Sam's frightful protests were not made quickly enough to stop the angel from reappearing inside of Dean's dressing room just as she was unhooking her bra in contempt. As soon as she saw Cas, she let out a shriek that called the attention of at least one stranger in the store.

Cas stared at the female-version of his friend like he had never stared at anything in his life. She was wearing nothing but loose boxers and a bra now hanging from her arm. In order to cover her chest, she neglected the boxers, which began to slip slowly from her hips.

"Just what is going on over here?"

Sam turned to face a concerned and angry Wal-Mart employee that had heard Dean's scream. "No, ma'am! Nothing! I mean. My sister is in there trying on clothes because she doesn't have any clothes."

"Your sister? Is there somebody in there with her? Ma'am?" The employee knocked on the door. "Are you okay?"

Castiel and Dean froze. Their silence wasn't enough to save them because the woman crouched and saw a pair of men's shoes along with some feminine bare feet. Some people were so sick, she thought to herself as she called security.

"No! Please don't!" Sam pleaded. "It's not what you think!"

"Oh? Then what is it?" She answered with hostility.

"This is a very delicate situation. You see – "

"Oh, I bet it's 'delicate.'"

"No! The thing is, my sister just… just… got out of a mental institution," Sam improvised. "I'm taking care of her and she doesn't have any clothes. She thinks she's a man so she's causing some trouble, but it's all okay. Right, Dean?"

"Dean?"

"Dea – _na!_ " Sam corrected. "Deana, because that is her name. Deana. Dean's a nickname. You know, because she doesn't always remember she's a woman," Sam ended with a conspiring whisper.

"Yup! Deana's the name! Don't wear it out!" Dean laughed from behind the closed door.

"Ma'am, there's no men allowed in the women's dressing rooms."

"He's my doctor!" Dean answered, trying to play along and failing. "My head doctor."

"Ahem. Yeah, she calls her husband her 'doctor,'" Sam clarified. "He went in there because we thought he could reason with her, but it's not working."

Castiel took this moment to slip out of the room nervously. He didn't really feel comfortable at all with a female Dean that was also practically naked. "I'm sorry," he said with such sincerity that it touched the woman's heart.

"My wife is not well," Castiel explained, hanging his head and hoping that he was playing the part correctly. Maybe it was his handsomeness, or maybe it was the aura of innocence that enveloped him, but seeing that he was fully clothed and honestly worried, the employee couldn't resist trusting Cas. Not a soul could look the part of a worn-out husband more convincingly. Understanding flickered across the dressing room attendant's face.

"Aw, it's okay. I've got a bipolar aunt," She whispered. "But I can't let you go in there with her. If you need something, I can help."

"Yes! Please!" Sam pressed his hands together in gratitude. Mutely and stiffly, Sam and Cas shared a bench as Dean got her measurements and chatted to the employee that was called Tina.

"Looks like you're a 34-C."

"Yes! That's good, right?" Dean grinned a shit-eating grin. _I knew I had a good rack._ The woman didn't respond in any way but with a smile. Dean continued, "Can you find out what pant size I wear? Like, in women's sizes?"

At this, Tina laughed. Finally, Team Free Will left the Wal-Mart, led by a strutting female Dean. Her long legs were accentuated with distressed skinny jeans. A black, clingy Batman t-shirt covered her well-supported chest. Her black bra matched her panties and a pair of sunglasses perched on her head. She gained about an inch with some dark boots and pulled it all together with a black jacket. Dean would be lying if she said she didn't feel good.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys try to make progress in solving Dean's case. Meanwhile, Dean learns that being a woman involves a lot more than looking pretty.

"What do you think, huh? Exactly like Farrah Fawcett, am I right?" Dean flashed her pearly white teeth as she posed provocatively on their hotel room desk. Now that Dean was wearing clothing that fit, her mood had improved considerably. Her reference went completely over Castiel's head, but Sam got it and thought it was possibly the cutest thing he'd seen in a long time, even though he would rather die than admit it. It would be an understatement to say that Sam was uncomfortable with the fact that Dean was the kind of gorgeous that fell out of a magazine and landed directly into the starring role of a TV show. With the way things were shaping up, 'erotically codependent' was becoming an increasingly accurate descriptor of the relationship between the Winchesters. Thankfully, Sam was bearing the brunt of the awkwardness.

"You should know this, Cas," Dean frowned. " _Charlie's Angels_? C'mon! They're practically your people."

"I've never heard anyone in the garrison mention a man named Charlie…" Cas pondered out loud, "Wait, is this another television program?"

Dean nodded with a grin at Cas' frustrated expression, "Bingo."

"Would you get off the desk?" Sam whined. He smacked Dean away and took out his computer. As he waited for it to boot up, he addressed the others. "We have to brainstorm."

"Agreed," Cas added with gravitas.

Dean pouted and began rummaging through the plastic bags full of the things they had just purchased. Finding the object of her desire, she unwrapped it and took a big mouthful of a highly processed pocket of apple pie. All the while, Castiel had trouble looking away from Dean, although he did try. The angel accepted the situation for what it was because, really, the whole thing was just another crazy Winchester mess. At the same time, there was something about it that was bizarre on an entirely new level.

"This whole thing reeks of a 'woman scorned,' if you ask me," Sam hypothesized. "More specifically, a _witch_ scorned. I mean this is some serious Harry Potter shit."

"You know Harry Potter's not real, right?" Dean mocked as she chewed. Sometimes Dean suspected Sam believed, or at least wished, that Hogwarts was real. They both knew very well that real witches weren't so cute.

"All I'm saying is that there's a good chance that there's a witch, or warlock, powerful enough to change your sex. I'm guessing it's more likely a witch because of your, you know…"

"My what?"

"Your, um, dalliances," Sam scratched the back of his head apprehensively. To be honest, he was surprised something like this hadn't happened before. "Maybe you forgot to call the wrong woman. You know as well as I do that witches love revenge more than anything. And they are dirty about it."

"That's insane! I _so_ don't like what you're insinuating," Dean grumbled. "All my ladies leave happy. I treat 'em like queens!" Dean wasn't convincing anyone, much less herself. As a man, he had made a habit of throwing away women's phone numbers, but that was only because he was sure he would never see them again. Dean's life was too dangerous and unstable for relationships that lasted longer than a night. When he had tried, all parties had ended up hurt. Dean had done all those women a favor by dropping off the map. Dean mused out loud, "A woman's really gotta hate being a woman if she thinks turning a man into a woman is a good punishment."

"That's not the point. The point is _you_ hate it," Sam responded. "You can't be a jerk full of machismo if you're a woman. You can't break any more female hearts if you're a woman."

"So I'm a heart-breaker?" Dean replied ruefully. She tried to act as if she was amused. Castiel dropped his gaze to the ground and kept quiet on the subject of Dean's sex life, as usual.

"I suggest we look for hex bags," Sam said, changing the subject. He knew he had been harsh, but dancing around the subject wouldn't get them any closer to returning Dean to normalcy. They proceeded to turn the hotel room upside down, checking every corner for little bags of magic. They checked under the beds, inside the cabinets, and even inside the air vents. When they found nothing, they checked the Impala.

"Thank you, Jesus. Nobody touched my baby," Dean smiled, giving the Impala a loving pat. She murmured soothing praises to the Impala, like she was an old, loyal friend that knew better than to mess around with witches. As long as Dean had the Impala, she kept a piece of her identity. They could take her penis, but she would be damned if anyone took the Impala.

Meanwhile, Sam was having a horrible moment in which he imagined Dean as Daisy Duke and wished she had purchased shorts instead of pants. From where he was standing, watching Dean ' _oh_ -baby' and love all over her car, he really couldn't help having a flash of _Dukes of Hazzard_. Convinced there was something wrong with him, Sam rushed back into their room, trying to remember that the hot chick was his brother. Castiel followed right behind him.

Back inside, Dean started to make a pot of coffee. She hadn't slept much last night and it was beginning to wear her down. She paced around the room in thought while she waited for the brew. "I don't think it was a witch."

"Why not?" Sam asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I dunno. I just have a hunch," Dean answered. Sam looked like he was preparing to open his mouth to explain exactly why Dean was wrong, as he always did, so Dean stopped him. "If it's someone I slept with, it can't be a witch. Witches are nasty. I would have sensed that."

"Hm, well, maybe you didn't sleep with her. Maybe you just rubbed her the wrong way? Or maybe she knew who you were and doesn't like hunters. You went to a bar that night, so it could have been something you drank or ate or some other kind of spell we don't even know about," Sam suggested. "Cas, what do you think?"

When Dean turned to pace back in Cas' direction, she found herself directly in front of the angel who seemed to have been standing in just the right spot to end up in her path. They were inches apart. Unnerved, Dean gave him a shaky grin. _You never learn, do you?_ They shared one of their familiar, tension-filled stares. Dean didn't see the point in Cas getting up in her face to ponder Sam's question, but she didn't move away either. In fact, she looked right back at him the way a dog looks at a meaty bone. She wasn't just unnerved now. She was hot. Cas peered at her with his eyes squinting the slightest bit in concentration as though every detail about her was important.

"This goes beyond the power of the average supernatural creature. It really is amazing," He said quietly as he noticed the woman before him had freckles positioned in the exact same spots they had been on the male Dean. Castiel thought about touching her, but would never dare do it. "How long have you been like this?"

"What? I dunno," Dean brushed her hair back as her eyes fell to Castiel's lips. "Maybe 12 hours? I'm pretty sure I fell asleep as a man."

"But you're not certain?" Castiel pressed. Sam watched with increasing interest and amazement. The youngest Winchester must have witnessed this very scenario multiple times, and yet the significance of it was just now dawning upon him. He wondered how different Dean and Castiel's relationship would have been if Dean had always been a woman. At the moment, Sam entertained the idea that they were a very attractive couple.

"Space, Cas," Dean whispered. "Personal, private space. That thing you're always invading. It's happening right now, and you're in the way of the coffee."

Dean brushed past Castiel to get a cup even though the pot wasn't full yet. Sam interjected, "If you don't remember falling asleep, we can't be sure you were a man at the time. By the time you got home, I was asleep. I didn't hear you and you said you don't remember anything from last night. So, how did you get home?"

"Did I drive?" Dean asked, wide-eyed.

"I agree with Dean," Castiel said suddenly, drawing everyone's attention. "I don't believe the culprit is a witch."

"Then who? Or what?"

"Investigate pagan gods. I'll check with you later," he said. His wings gave their familiar flap and he was gone.

 

* * *

Dean took a spot on the bed where she could look over Sam's shoulder as he tapped on his laptop. Sam flipped through pages describing fertility cults, goddesses of womanhood, and patron saints of women. Dean snickered immaturely when Sam stumbled across artifacts of Venus figurines.

"That's just too much woman. Even for me," She said, eyes unable to look away from the plus-sized goddess statues. "I was not made in _her_ image, that's for sure."

"There are just so many," Sam groaned.

"I'm hungry!" Dean whined and kicked her brother's chair. "Let's take a break. I haven't showered all day and I want a burger."

"Okay, princess," Sam teased, and then quoted affectionately, "'As you wish.'"

"Sam. Are you flirting with me? Because if you're flirting with me, I'm not okay with that," Dean replied.

" _Princess Bride?_ Come on! You know this one!"

She certainly did remember that cheesy, yet perfect movie. She remembered watching it with Sam for the first time when they were little and chortled, "You are so gay."

"Hey, I'm not the one that looks like Princess Buttercup," Sam smirked. He didn't think it was so bad having a sister. She was cute, had a nice voice, but was still every bit like the male Dean he'd known all his life. If anything, this whole situation just made Sam love his sibling more.

Sam happily took shotgun as Dean took the wheel for their outing.

"This isn't right," she remarked. Looking down, she saw her feet couldn't reach the pedals. With plenty of hushed, aggravated grumbling, she moved the seat up. Dean would have warned Sam not to laugh, but it was too late for that.

They found a diner that was just to Dean's taste. She devoured a bacon cheeseburger and made sounds of delight that were almost provocative. That was the norm for Dean and it hadn't changed in his female form. Sam munched on his salad, smiling to himself.

"Looks like I'm still the real man," Dean bragged, raising her eyebrows knowingly.

"Because only meat-eating jerks are real men," Sam countered.

She considered his proposition for a moment and then nodded, "Yeah. Basically."

"You are so full of shit, jerk."

"Bitch," Dean answered from habit. Sam burst into laughter and chucked a crouton at Dean.

"You realize you're still a woman, right?"

"Ugh, could you stop reminding me?"

Sam laughed again. After a while, he decided he was hungry enough to pick at Dean's fries. She was staring at nothing in particular, with a little, slightly mischievous, smile on her face. When Sam asked her what was up, she focused on him and said, "You know. What they say about chicks is wrong." Dean looked from side to side and leaned forward. "I think about sex all the time. That's supposed to be a man thing, right?"

"Uh…"

"Yeah, they pretend to be all innocent. Now I know," Dean said, reaching a new level of understanding. Going into deeper thought, her face showed signs of confusion, followed by smugness, "Sammy, I'm a lesbian. A hot lesbian."

"Yeah, I was kinda picking up on that. You might wanna tone it down a bit because I think you scared the waitress," Sam answered. He watched as Dean dealt with all new feelings and revelations that the typical person would never have to consider.

"But… If I was straight before, shouldn't I be straight as a chick?" Dean asked. "I should probably be liking dudes right now, don't you think? Unless…"

"Honestly, I don't think this is something you should really be worrying about, Dean," Sam replied. "I mean, if you're gonna think about girls, think about them. No big deal."

"Yeah, I do. Mostly."

" _Mostly?_ " Sam shot back.

"No, no, no! Did I say mostly? I mean, all the time. Just women," Dean answered. She wasn't sure why she was cool with being a lesbian, but couldn't handle the thought of even possibly containing some gay feelings, even if that would make her straight as a woman. That train of thought was enough to tie her brain into knots.

"You're hot for Cas," Sam deadpanned. It was a guess, but a damn good one.

"Would you lower your voice?" Dean grumbled. "I don't know what you're talking about." Faced with Sam's all-knowing look, Dean decided, under only these special circumstances, that it was okay to admit to something unusual. If she could trust anyone, it was her brother. "Okay. I don't know why, but I'm kinda horny a lot, and maybe sometimes it gets worse when Cas is around."

"How is that any different from how things usually are?" Sam joked. He chuckled when Dean made an indignant face.

"It's the hormones. It's gotta be the hormones. If you dare tell anyone, I'll kill you." They finished their meal shortly and the waitress handed Sam the check. Sensitive to all suggestions that she was no longer manly, Dean remarked, "Why'd she give you the check? They usually put the check right between us."

Sam frowned and kept silent. He left some money on the table and waited for the inevitable barrage of resentment. Sure enough, Dean continued, "Oh, yeah. 'Cuz I'm the girl. Great. So now everywhere we go, people are gonna think you're my keeper."

"Or your boyfriend," Sam smiled sheepishly. Dean got up and stomped away. When Sam caught up with her outside, he grabbed her arm. "Hey. I know it's tough for you, but we'll get through this. Just try not to think of it too much."

"That's easy for you to say," Dean answered. To end their conversation, she hopped into the Impala to drive back. On their way home, a familiar song filled the car. Sam turned it up and tapped his foot.

"Ba. Ba da da. Ba da da," He began in an effort to cheer his sister up. Softly, he sang, "Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world. She took the midnight train goin' anywhere."

"Stop it, Sammy," commanded a very surly Dean.

"Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit," Sammy dared to sing, "He took the midnight train goin' anywhere." By the time Sam got to 'strangers waiting up and down the boulevard,' Dean was fighting the 80s groove, which was something Dean had never been good at resisting.

"Streetlights! People, living just to find emotion!" Dean joined loudly, at last. They made an impressive duo as they belted out, "Don't stop believin'! Hold on to the feelin'!"

 

* * *

"Get this," Sam began, "This guy, Tiresias, saw two snakes coupling. He struck them with his staff, and as punishment, the goddess Hera turned him into a woman. Have you been hitting any animals that have been coupling?"

Dean was pretty sure she would never hear a more bizarre question in her life, "What the hell? No!"

"Okay, good. Because he had to live as a woman for seven years."

"Great to know," Dean answered before disappearing into the bathroom for her long-awaited shower. "Seven years," She moaned once she was alone. After removing all her clothes, she stepped into the shower. Dean just stared at herself in the mirror for a while. There was nothing wrong with this body. In fact, she quite liked it. The only probably was she wanted someone else to have it. She grabbed her razor that had been used recently to shave the stubble she used to have. The simple object was about to be used in a very different way.

Sam found himself squinting at his computer screen for a long time. It was dark outside already and Dean still had not come out of the bathroom. He had been so involved in his research that he had only just now noticed it. "Dean?" He called out. "Dean?"

When he received no answer, Sam shifted slowly out of his chair and stepped to the bathroom door. He gave it a gentle knock. "You okay in there?" Sam listened closely and did not think any sounds were being produced. The water must have been shut off a long time ago. "Damn it, Dean. If you don't answer me, I'll take this door down. It's not funny!"

The toilet flushed. Hesitantly, the door opened. Dean was pale and unable to look Sam in the eyes. She also wasn't wearing any pants. She tried to speak, but couldn't. All of these details were driving Sam crazy.

"What the hell happened? What's wrong?" Sam urged.

"Remember how I said my uterus hurt?" Dean began. "I, well…There's blood. I'm, uh, bleeding. I… I think my uterus is falling out." Dean looked up at Sam with wide, panicky eyes, which only made Sam more nervous.

 

* * *

"It's okay, Dean. We're at the store now. Everything's going to be okay," Sam said. Dean had been too shocked to even drive. She had stuffed her pants full of toilet paper, just in case, and felt incredibly uncomfortable walking. She thought of her new black panties, ruined. They had been her favorite pair. "We'll make this quick," Sam promised, "Come on."

Once inside, they stood in front of a wall of feminine hygiene products that was as endless as it was confusing. They were assaulted with colors and friendly reassurances of 'freshness.' Sam looked at it like it was a difficult math equation with an answer that completely eluded him. Dean just looked at it like she was about to vomit.

"Okay, why don't you take care of this while I get some other things?" Sam suggested. "We can meet at the front."

"What, no! I don't know what to do!" Dean grumbled.

"Just pick one of each!" Sam advised before running away.

 _What does that even mean?_ Dean's hands covered her face. She didn't know what the difference was between all these things because this was the first time she had ever even wandered into this aisle. She was being overwhelmed by the products. Finally, she took Sam's advice and loaded up on all different kinds of tampons and pads. One of them had to do the trick, she thought. As she hustled to the checkout area, she grabbed a magazine and covered the items in her basket with it. Nobody was allowed to see that she was having bloodily functions natural to a woman.

She felt like a smuggler. Dean didn't want to be seen, and she hated Sam for taking longer than her to make it to the front of the store. She was in pain and she was worried about the state of her pants and everything else. It was at this moment that she heard the voice of a stranger say, "Are you a model?"

Easily one of the Top Ten Worst Pick-Up Lines. Dean had been staring at candy and gum, without focusing on them at all. The voice startled her and she looked up at the man that was addressing her. "What? What are you doing?" She was baffled, "Why are you talking to me?"

"You just look so sad, standing there like that," He grinned, "I just thought, someone so pretty shouldn't look so sad."

"Are you serious?" Dean thought she was about to gag. "Gross! C'mon, man! Back off."

He was obviously not used to being so blatantly rejected. Anger flashed across his face and he grabbed a package of gum, without even considering what kind it was. "I was just trying to make conversation. You don't have to be such a bitch about it."

At this, the woman saw red. "What did you just call me? Say that to my face, man. Just try and say that again."

"Is this guy bothering you?" Sam appeared just in time to keep Dean from wiping the floor with the stranger. Sam stood menacingly, looming well over the other two. His face expressed the displeasure of a jealous boyfriend or overprotective brother. From the way his knuckles were turning white, it was clear he had heard more than he had wanted to hear.

"Sorry," The stranger said to Sam, backing off. He was quite aware of how big and scary Sam was and he wanted nothing to do with him, "I didn't mean anything by it."

The stranger weaseled away in a flash. Both of the Winchesters fumed as the cashier rung up their items. Even the cashier could tell they were not having a good night, so she kept quiet. When they reached the car, Sam took the wheel again, but he didn't turn on the car right away. He thought he should say something, but didn't know what.

Dean sat beside him, shaking with anger and an unusual fear that had been foreign to Dean's life until now. The stranger had apologized to Sam, not her. She had already been feeling terrible, and now she felt worse. "I am done, Sam. I'm so done."

 

* * *

Dean had tried enjoying his experience as a woman. She had yet to find anything particularly appealing about it. Boxes and packages of all sorts of things littered their bathroom floor as Dean attempted to remedy her problem. She was trapped in the bathroom for maybe an hour, stressing like every 12-year-old girl who had never had any guidance in the arena of womanhood. No matter what she did, she kept feeling dirty and unsure.

When she at last came out, Sam hurried over to her. It was hard to judge how she was feeling, but he hoped she was better. "Did you figure it out?"

She nodded.

"Here, have a beer," Sam said, handing her a cold, opened bottle. "I got you some pie too. Figured you might want some."

"Beer _and_ pie?" Dean replied. She smiled, "Anyone ever tell you you're the perfect man?"

Sam returned the smile and followed his sister back to her bed. She retreated into her Pie & Beer Sanctuary, watching whatever was on TV. She asked to borrow Sam's laptop to do research of her own because she was pretty sure the pain she was having was abnormal. "Sam. I think I'm having contractions."

"You mean cramps?"

"Shut up. That's what I said," Dean answered.

"You want some pills?"

"Yeah."

Dean wasn't big on talking for the rest of the night, and Sam understood. She was contemplating a lot of things that would be best left alone. That morning, Dean had believed Sam's words that there were so many things worse than being a hot girl. Now, Dean was wondering what the point was in being so hot if it came with so much suffering. The Dean full of male privilege and bravado, though wounded, was still very much inside that body.

 

* * *

Despite her exhaustion, Dean could not stay asleep for long. She made another trip to the bathroom in the dead of night because she was so paranoid about the situation happening her pants. Even though she had taken pills, she only felt more pain. It would seem that at some point in the night, her body had decided she needed to hurt more. Wincing, she wondered how women dealt with this every month. The male Dean had never really ever heard a woman complain about her period and yet they all must have experienced similar pain and discomfort. They made it look easy.

When she stepped back out into their darkened room, she considered Sam. Dean wondered if perhaps they were searching for an answer that didn't exist. Maybe she would have to be a woman forever. The thought caused Dean to panic and run outside. She paced and nervously ran her hands through hair that was too long and too thick. She didn't want golden curls; she just wanted to be the person that she had always been. She had not been born this way, and refused to accept her new form.

At last, she rested against the Impala. She was wearing a feminine version of the kind of flannel shirts Dean had always liked. She clasped her hands together on the roof of the car and ducked her head down to rest her forehead on her hands. "God, please. Help me," she uttered quietly. "I don't feel like myself. I just want be who I was. God damn it, you made me a man! Just let me be that man."

Dean didn't really expect to be magically transformed back on the spot. She knew from experience that God was a negligent asshole. Yet, she kept her hands clasped in prayer for another second before cussing and stomping away from the Impala. There was only one person who was even close to being a noble, kind god (as much as Supes seemed to get, anyway), upon which Dean had always relied. "Cas?" Dean pleaded. "I kind of need you right now. Could you just get your ass down here, pronto?"

When he appeared, Dean didn't have words to express her emotions. Relief, joy, and gratitude built up inside her because just looking at Cas was a method of coping. He approached her under the dim lighting of the outside of the hotel.

"I was planning to check on you tomorrow," Castiel said. "Have you and your brother discovered anything new? Are you alright?"

"No," Dean replied, "I'm not alright. I had a shitty day. I got my period and then I got called a bitch by a total stranger. And it's weird and it fucking hurts like hell. I don't know, I think maybe I got a defective female body."

Castiel processed this information grimly. He was not pleased to hear that Dean had been disrespected, but didn't know what to say to make her feel better. Trying to focus on the bright side of things, he said, "Menstruation is a good sign."

"Wha – !" Dean exclaimed, flabbergasted.

"Yes, Dean. It means you're not with child," Castiel explained like it was obvious. "I was worried… In a lot of these transformation cases, someone ends up pregnant. Sometimes unwillingly."

"Fuck," Dean remarked. "Well, yeah, that's good. I guess. What the fuck is up with these gods? Everything Sammy keeps reading to me is some twisted BS."

"I don't know," Castiel sighed. He knew Dean expected him to have all the answers, but he just didn't. "I'm sorry." Castiel cast his eyes down in thought and then focused back on his friend. "But I may be able to help with your pain."

"Oh, good! Yes! Just angel mojo this bloody disaster away!" Dean urged. As Castiel approached, she took a couple of steps back to the Impala because she was more keenly aware of her feelings for him and realized he had just reached out to touch her. Her body was so sensitive and she was incredibly unsure of it after the events of the day.

"If I could, I would make it go away," Castiel said as his hand reached slowly over Dean's midsection. She braced herself for the angel's touch, which sent her scooting into the Impala. Castiel's magic fingers and palm rested on her sensitive lower abdomen, dulling the pain inside. "For now, this is all I can do."

"Oh my God!" Dean gasped as she melted into the Impala, "It's like a heavenly IcyHot. That feels so, so good." With her pain fading, she bestowed a weak smile to her friend. There was no small amount of embarrassment to have Castiel treating an affliction that Dean never thought she would have to deal with. Appreciation won out over embarrassment, in the end. "Thanks," She whispered, "I could fucking kiss you right now."

Castiel considered this sentiment and decided he felt the same. When the angel removed his hand from Dean, he pressed it against the Impala right next to her, forcing increasing closeness between their bodies. Their eye contact didn't break. At last, in an explosion of suppressed sexual energy, Dean grabbed Castiel by his coat and pressed their lips together.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Dean gets closer to Cas, she also gets closer to solving her problem.

Dean embraced Castiel and kissed him like she would never have the opportunity to do it again. Once she had begun to lavish Cas with affection, she found it difficult to stop. Her fingers found their way into the angel's dark, tousled hair and she let herself be held lovingly by him as he responded eagerly. He had been longing for Dean for so long in vain that he had begun to feel his prospects were doomed. Yet, there they were, perfectly intertwined. Castiel would accept the eldest Winchester's lips in whatever way he could have them, male or female. The woman in his arms was restless with lust, refusing to part from Cas until they were both breathless.

In the empty, cold parking lot, her bright green eyes looked up at Castiel with more awareness than ever before. Her heart was racing as she realized that there was something powerful and true between them that made everything else seem unimportant. Dean had always called out to him for a reason, and that reason was staring at her through the window of two clear, blue eyes. With her loyal and handsome friend so near, she was unable to resist encircling her arms around his neck to bring him down into another impassioned kiss. Free from the cage of masculinity, it was no longer forbidden or shameful to hold Cas the way he deserved to be held.

The moment, while powerful, was also brief.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Dean repeated breathlessly when she pulled away from Castiel for the second time. All of her hang-ups, though delayed, were so ingrained that they caught up with her. She was afraid she had made a mistake even though every sign between them indicated otherwise. Guilty and confused, she explained, "I think it's just my freakin' lady hormones."

At first, Castiel was hurt by the excuse. Then, he decided, it didn't matter what Dean's reasons were, because he would never leave her. Even if the green-eyed Winchester never fell into his arms again, Castiel's feelings would never change and he would always try to do what was best for her. Cas didn't let her go and she didn't want to leave the warmth of his body. Even as she made excuses, the woman toyed with the idea of slipping her hands underneath Castiel's clothing. They had been physically close many times, but this was the first time they had touched while being unquestionably aware of their intimacy.

Dean frowned and continued, "I just… don't feel like myself. I don't feel right. But you do. You always feel right. Always. That's why I need you," she admitted quietly and with some effort. "Could you stay? Just for a while?"

The angel's cheek rested on her forehead as he replied with the only possible answer, "Yes."

* * *

By her guidance, Castiel had been led into bed with her. The familiarity of her friend was all she had needed to fall into a relatively peaceful sleep. Dean had fallen asleep with half of her body resting on Cas. While she slept, Castiel dared to weave his fingers through her cascade of dirty blond waves. He was content to stay by her side, feeling her arm wrapped around his waist.

When morning came, Dean was found snuggling a vacant trench coat. The sight of her lying in bed with the coat sparked immediate interest by her brother. He picked the scene apart with a sense of delight. In the past, Sam had been inclined to believe that Dean and Cas were some kind of soul mates, but now that he saw the angel's coat in Dean's arms, his inklings became full-blown theories. Since they had known Cas, he had never gone anywhere without his coat. The coat was unmistakably the angel's and it was unmistakably being held with tenderness. In all the years Sam had known Dean, other people's clothing did not simply fall into his bed for any reason but one.

"Wow. Whoa. It's been a _day_ , Dean. You can't keep anyone out of your bed for a day?" Sam mused out loud to himself as he watched Dean curl into the coat in her sleep. He was just glad Dean's first late night visitor had been someone they knew and trusted. The pair had been barely able to resist each other as men, so it was only logical to think they would end up together in bed sooner or later. It just turned out to be much, much sooner than Sam would have expected. He could only hope Cas wasn't about to step out of their bathroom naked.

Sam shook his head, smiling. He approached Dean carefully. Then, he ran his finger over her face in a feather-like touch to tickle her. She frowned and smacked her own face, unwilling to wake up. This time, Sam poked her shoulder roughly.

"Hey! Quit it!" she grumbled, waking at last. In a mumble, she complained, "Cas, stop it. You feathery dick."

"Dude, Cas isn't here," Sam answered, amused. Hearing Sam's voice, Dean shot up in bed. She was holding the coat, shocked by its lack of an owner. She realized how the situation looked and tried to defend her innocence preemptively.

"Who said anything about Cas? This? I was just, you know, watching his coat for him," She said, smoothing the item. She set it down on the bed.

"Did something happen last night?" Sam prodded.

At that moment, Castiel opened the door, holding a tray of coffees and a bag of food. He looked like an adorably bashful businessman that was late to a meeting. Without his coat, he looked naked and human. To Dean, he was also strikingly handsome.

"Mornin' Cas," Sam greeted him.

"Good morning, Sam. Dean," the angel said before setting the food down on the table. When he caught Dean's eyes, he looked away quickly out of nervousness.

"No! Seriously?" Sam gasped. "You guys! You totally did it! I _knew_ it!"

"No. No we didn't, Sam. Shut your fucking pie hole," Dean answered. She stood up and swiped a coffee from the table, happy to have a distraction. She thrust Cas' coat to him and attempted to look like she wasn't shaken by his presence, especially not by the sight of his dark brown sex hair. Glaring at Sam, she added, "You've got some wild imagination."

"Whatever," Sam replied with a shrug. "Anyway, glad you're here, Cas. I think I got something."

"Okay, check this out," Sam said. He turned his computer monitor to Dean and Cas so they could look at the website he had saved last night. "The Greek goddess Artemis. She's the goddess of the hunt, _virginity_ , and is the 'protector of young girls.' But that's not all. She turned some guy into a woman because he either saw her naked or tried to rape her. I've got a hunch this is our gal."

Dean bent over to get a closer look at the goddess in question. In the photos on the website, she was carrying a silver bow and arrows and was surrounded by a small pack of hunting dogs. A stream of dark curls pooled around one of her shoulders. Dean had to take a second look to make sure she wasn't imagining things. Her memory finally began to become clearer. Flashes of green or hazel eyes and the same dark curls in this picture flooded her senses.

"I think that's her," Dean said, "I remember a girl. Dark brown hair, these incredible eyes. Greenish hazel. She was kinda cute. Baby faced. A virginal goddess, huh? Just my luck. It would be a virgin."

"No, that's great! Do you remember anything else?" Sam pressed. "You have to try to remember anything you can."

"I was minding my own business, okay?" Dean replied. "I remember being at the bar. I was having some drinks. I saw a few of women, maybe. But I don't remember touching any of them or even flirting. I'm totally innocent, man! Why would she turn me into a chick? I know I did not see anyone naked. At least not that night. Probably."

"I don't know, but this is a good lead," Sam said. "We should retrace your steps from the night you changed to see if we can find out anything else. Cas, you in?"

"Of course," Castiel replied with his support even though his face was grim and full of worry. He was remembering something he had not thought of in a long time. The Winchesters ate their breakfast and drank their coffee with much more ease than they had the day before. They were starting to formulate plans and they were moving forward.

* * *

Before heading out, Dean needed time in the bathroom. As she was occupied, Sam couldn't help but attempt to weasel information out of Cas. He was concerned about Dean's predicament, but also about her increasingly obvious preference for the angel. Maybe Sam was feeling a heightened sense of brotherly protectiveness or maybe he was a little bit jealous. Either way, he sat across from Cas giving him scrutinizing glances until the angel became uncomfortable.

"What?" Said angel asked with an annoyed edge to his voice.

"What are your intentions with Dean?" Sam asked, quite bluntly. Sam wasn't at all ignorant of the hypocrisy of his feelings. He had never really approved of Dean sleeping around as a man, but he had put up with it. Now that Dean was female, Sam felt more of a duty to protect her. The highly educated, generally more progressive Winchester was behaving almost medieval.

"My intentions…?"

"Yeah," Sam replied, trying to soften his tone, "Dean… cares about you. A lot. Even though he's a girl now, she's still my brother. I just want to make sure everything's okay."

"There's nothing to worry about," Castiel answered, after a moment of hesitation. He had been around the humans long enough to understand jealousy and the ferocity of Sam's particular attachment to Dean. The relationship among the three had always been strong in all corners, but they were now being forced to weigh out the reality that their attachments were all slightly different. Wounded, embarrassed, and aggravated, Castiel explained, "I think her words were, 'it's just my freakin' lady hormones.' To Dean, it was just a moment of weakness."

"Oh," Sam looked down at his hands. The way Castiel said what he said filled Sam with disappointment and sadness. He started to think he was wrong. Even though Dean no longer looked the same, she was still thinking of herself as the old Dean. "I'm sorry, Cas."

"You don't need to apologize," Castiel said. Events had turned out exactly as he had expected. "It's probably better this way."

Dean emerged from the shower completely unaware of the kind of effect she was having on the men in her life. As hot steam seeped into the bedroom, she walked in on Sam and Cas playing a game of cards. She toweled her hair vigorously.

"Took you long enough," Sam complained.

"Damn it, Sam! You know I've got lady stuff goin' on! I can't handle your bitchin' on top of that," Dean scowled. There was a lot of maintenance that came with being a woman. She couldn't even seem to get her hair dry. "I'm just gonna cut this entire mess off. It's not even drying."

"Use the hair dryer, genius," Sam quipped.

"Yeah, _yeah_ , maybe I will," Dean answered before stepping up to the mirror like that had been her plan all along. As with every time she stepped into a room, she became the center of attention. Sam neglected the card game to run over to Dean and take her towel. He hung it up on the rack outside of the bathroom as she tried to figure out the hair dryer.

"Were you shaving your legs?" Sam teased, making Dean look embarrassed. Part of Sam just wanted to be an ass, but the other part of him was genuinely curious.

"Maybe," She fumbled around the sink counter to look for a comb. She found that being a big brother was so much easier than being any kind of sister. She'd never felt so consistently pestered. "Maybe I got distracted. Sammy, I've got boobs, you know. _Boobs_."

After a second of thought, Sam became sorry he'd ever intruded. _Oh_. Sam was fairly certain God was testing him because it was impossible to avoid looking at Dean's chest when she was talking about her 'boobs.' It was like trying not to think about tigers when someone mentioned tigers, or trying not to yawn when someone nearby just wouldn't stop yawning. Sam could only fight the urge for so long. Effectively shut up, it was his turn to take the bathroom.

* * *

Clean, clothed, and caffeinated, the trio walked from the hotel in the direction of the bar. Part of what had attracted Dean to the hotel they had been staying at to begin with was its proximity to the bar. She pointed out to Cas a good sandwich place she had tried with Sam a couple of days ago when she had still been male. Even though Castiel wasn't big on eating because it wasn't necessary to his survival, he still enjoyed Dean's idle chatter. While sometimes it was a source of their discord, there was also something comforting and pleasant about being treated normal and human. Dean always saw Cas as a friend first, and a powerful, otherworldly being second.

"Since we're going to the bar anyway, maybe we can get some drinks," Dean suggested, "I know I have not been nearly drunk enough to handle this mess."

"Dean, it's barely even 10 AM," Sam pointed out, to which Dean shrugged. She still thought it was a good idea. Of course, when they got to the bar, it was closed. There wasn't anything particularly telling about the scenery either.

"Maybe we should come back at night?" Dean suggested. "If she was here a couple of nights ago, she might show up again."

"Hm, maybe," Sam said thoughtfully.

Castiel combed the site with his heightened skills of observation. He noted something gleaming by the curb and wandered over to inspect it. He plucked the object from the ground and wiped it clean with his coat sleeve before returning to the Winchesters to get their opinions. "Does this mean anything to you?"

Dean observed the object—a silver pin decorated with the image of a deer. When she took it into her hand, she got another flashback to that fateful night. She remembered the ping the object had made when it had hit the floor inside of the bar. She remembered holding it in her hand like she was doing now and rushing outside. "Yeah," Dean answered. "This is hers."

"The deer is sacred to the goddess Artemis," Castiel explained. Hope and curiosity took hold of the Winchesters as they uncovered another sign of the culprit.

* * *

They returned to the bar that night and took a booth in the back of the establishment, near the dartboard. Sam and Castiel sat with pints of beer in front of them while Dean hit the harder stuff. All three were observing their surroundings, taking special care to focus on any woman that walked into the bar. They were just like any guys out at night to cruise for chicks, except their target was a goddess.

"Guys," Castiel said, "If this is Artemis' doing, I'm worried that Dean is not well equipped to negotiate with her."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean frowned.

"Whatever you've been able to research about her, it doesn't come close to doing her justice."

"Did you know her, Cas?" Sam asked.

"No, but I know people that did. She may have been worshipped for protecting young girls, but she has a strong, even cruel side," Castiel explained. "Virginity in the modern world doesn't represent what it did during the height of her worship. For her, virginity isn't about naivety. It's not something to cast aside at the first available opportunity. It is power. It represents owning her life—independence. She strikes with unabashed violence at anyone who threatens her and her freedom."

"I'm not planning on threatening anyone. Not unless I have to," Dean insisted. "Cas, it'll be fine."

Castiel and Sam both knew better. Threatening supernatural creatures was an integral part of the family business. Or rather, it _was_ the family business.

"That's your problem, Dean. You underestimate her. When Artemis faced a man who claimed to be a better hunter than her, she turned him into a stag and let the man's own dogs eat him alive. She's the kind of goddess that will kill you or turn you into a woman if you even look at her the wrong way," Castiel went on. He was getting slightly aggravated because he was certain Dean could never understand the kind of thinking that was inherent to the goddess. "Ring any bells?"

Baffled, Dean asked, "You think this is all because I gave her a _look_?"

"It very well could be."

"Cas is right, Dean," Sam chimed in. "We're going to have to be very careful. Insulting her can mean life or death. She's a hunter and a defender of virginity. You don't exactly have a high opinion of virginity."

Dean didn't like any of this. She hated the idea that her life could be turned upside down because of an impetuous goddess. "Well, what am I supposed to do? Kiss ass?"

"Sometimes appeasing these lesser gods is the only way," Castiel replied. Dean wasn't big on appeasing anything or anyone. She took another shot, furious with the whole ordeal. They kept watch around the bar and became progressively more disappointed with each woman that entered and was clearly not Artemis. After a while, the group got the feeling they were waiting for a goddess that was never going to appear. As drinks continued to be poured and consumed, it became less important if the goddess showed because they had started to have fun. With a lot of time to kill, they had taken to playing games. Dean mocked Cas during a round of pool and flirted shamelessly.

After being teased yet again for his poor performance, Castiel defended himself. "We didn't have time for games in the garrison."

"No time for games, no time for sex. What a life that garrison must have been," Dean smirked. "Aw, baby. Don't worry. Daddy will teach you the way it's done." Not for the first time, the woman jumped over to Castiel and positioned his hands correctly, touching him more than was strictly necessary. She loved every moment. Very few things gave her the enjoyment she got from pushing Castiel's buttons and teaching him about being human.

"Don't be so hard on him, Dean," Sam remarked from the sidelines. "He's not that bad for someone that's never played before. Cas, don't listen to her."

"He hasn't even gotten a single one in the pocket this whole game!" Turning to Cas, she remarked, "We have to make sure you get at least one in."

Castiel gulped. If she thought putting more pressure on him or dripping sexuality all over him was helping, she was wrong. Castiel could do plenty of things Dean couldn't do, like speak every human language in existence, but he never gave her hell about those things. The angel tried to concentrate, which was difficult to do with Dean breathing down his neck. He channeled his frustration into his stick and the cue ball finally drove a striped ball in.

"Nice one!" Sam and Dean cheered and clapped.

"I knew you could do it," Dean praised and gave the angel a pat on his back. As the game developed, Castiel improved considerably. After he'd knocked in another two balls, Dean whistled and said, "I'm so proud of you I could cry."

It was still Dean's game, but it wasn't as much of a massacre as their first game. When it was over, Sam challenged Castiel to a game of darts and Dean rushed off to the bathroom. Out of habit, she hastily drifted directly into the men's room. Not seeing anything she wasn't used to, she started to walk up to a urinal, much to the horror of a man already standing at the wall.

"Holy shit! Lady!"

Dean exclaimed several curses before fleeing and entering the appropriate restroom for her new sex. She was disgruntled and blushing when she got back to the bar to order another round for herself and her men. Much to her chagrin, the guy from the bathroom also needed another drink. He tried to sit away from her, but there wasn't much free room.

"I'm so sorry, man," Dean rambled, "I just forgot."

It was bizarre to have to apologize for something she was accustomed to doing, but she felt horrified nonetheless. The man forgave her easily. With her spunk, wiseass attitude, and binge drinking, she had already caught the attention of several men in the bar. But, none of them dared approach her while she was around Cas and Sam. Awkwardly as their acquaintance had initiated, the man still decided to chat her up a little because Dean was too fiery and too cute to resist. He paid for her drink to show there were no hard feelings between them.

"So, are you here with someone?" The guy inquired, as if he didn't know. He tried hard not to sound like he was too interested.

"Yeah, my bro Sammy and my… my Cas," She answered. "Sam's the big moose over there and Cas is the other guy in the coat."

The young, friendly stranger seemed relieved that the woman was with her brother, but he wasn't sure what a 'Cas' was. "Is he, like, your boyfriend or something?"

"What, Cas?" Dean had trouble answering the man. She couldn't say Cas was 'her angel' without sounding both crazy and pretentious. 'Boyfriend' wasn't a word she thought suited him either. "Not exactly."

"Yeah, I figured he's too old for you," The guy commented. "What is he, like, 40?"

"Try a thousand," Dean chuckled even though Castiel owned her in years by probably far more than that. The huntress was just amused that this stranger had no idea what he was talking about. It was funny to imagine her world from the perspective of someone that had never faced the supernatural and had no clue. Dean rarely thought about Castiel's age, but she was sure he probably was very old, though never 'too old' for her. Cas was just the right amount of everything as far as she was concerned. She leaned over to the stranger and whispered, "That uptight, ancient nerd is actually my husband. Thanks for the drink, buddy."

The rest of the night began to blur away. At some point Dean and Sam successfully hustled a couple of men out of their money in a game of pool. It was easy for the kinds of guys at that bar to underestimate Dean, who looked to be nothing more than a flighty, intoxicated blonde. She wasn't at all sorry for the loosing team.

"I haven't seen you this drunk in so long, man!" Sam, who was starting to feel more than just a buzz, laughed.

"No, no. I'm not even close to my limit," Dean replied, as if she had ever even cared about or been aware of such a thing in the past. The body she was in was affected by alcohol far more acutely than her male self, which was obvious from the warmth of her face and the euphoria she felt. The only one among them who was definitely sober was Cas.

As she had gotten increasingly inebriated, Dean had become unable to address Castiel without touching him. She placed her hand on his arm and smiled as she remembered something, "Hey. Hey, Cas. Remember that time you drank that liquor store? You're such a grouchy drunk, but you're grouchy sober too."

"In my defense, I have to put up with you," He answered.

"That's not a very nice thing to say to your wife," Dean grinned. For the second time since she had become a woman, she had posed as Castiel's wife. Sam found this to be endearing.

"But we're not…" Castiel changed the subject, sounding concerned, "All this time we spent here and we didn't find what you wanted. Maybe we should take you back to the hotel."

"What I wanted was to have _fun_ ," Dean rambled and grabbed Castiel's shirt. "You had fun, right?"

"Yes," Castiel said with his heart feeling warm. He loved that Dean always wanted to entertain him even if the Winchester was often a pain in the ass about it. Cas wrapped a very shy arm around her waist and glanced up to look at Sam, who only mouthed, 'She's so wasted' to him. Sam used their pool winnings to pay their hefty tab and helped Cas pull Dean out of the booth. She had trouble not swaying when she was on her feet at last.

"Oh, shit! Sammy, you're right. Oh, yep. This body doesn't know what it's doing. It's saying, 'Hey, lady, you drank… you drank so much.' And I'm that lady," Dean muttered. Suddenly, channeling The Isley Brothers, she sang softly, "Who's that lady? Sexy lady!"

"You drank enough to floor a frat boy," Sam commented. Every time he had warned her to stop or slow down, she had managed to materialize more alcohol into her hands when he wasn't looking. Some things never changed. Sam was just worried her body might not be able to handle it. "Geez," he said. "You're a mess."

"It's okay, I'm good. I'm good," Dean said as she tried to steady herself. As they started to make their exit, she warned, "When I find that Artemis bitch, I'm gonna kick her straight in the crotch. Straight. In the crotch."

"No, Dean!" Sam cried.

"In the crotch."

"What's the likelihood that she'll forget all this?" Cas inquired, speaking above Dean's head to Sam.

"Very likely."

"I never forget anything!" Dean slurred. "Oh God, get me home. Like, right now. My cramps are happening again. Ahhh, it's like I'm dying! I think I'm gonna hurl."

Despite a couple of scares, Dean didn't get sick. She held onto Cas like she was clinging to life itself. At last, the angel hoisted her up into his arms and carried her the rest of the way back. When he placed her delicately into her bed, she refused to unhook her arms from his neck. She caressed the side of Castiel's face with her own and left a small kiss on his unshaven chin before collapsing on the bed into a drunken slumber.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean recovers from the previous night, and the search for Artemis continues.

Dean woke up feeling as though she had been hit by a bus and then hurled into a meat grinder. Her head felt like it had been used as the ball in a game of soccer and her stomach felt like it was slowly devouring her from the inside. None of these things were good signs. After waking, her first thought was " _why"_ follow shortly after by " _vomit_."

Animated by urgency, she lurched over the side of the bed, preparing to spew her insides all over the ugly carpet. A trick of sorcery made her imagine that a trashcan had appeared in front of her face and that gentle fingers were brushing her hair away. The muggy perceptions were, in actuality, the doings of Castiel. By Sam's request, the angel had stayed the night to keep vigil over the drunken woman in case she succumbed to alcohol poisoning in the night. The youngest Winchester was playing it safe because Dean had taken a body she was not used to living in and trashed it with reckless abandon.

Naturally, Castiel had been happy to stay and he was there to hold her hair back and position the trashcan in the appropriate place. Dean coughed pitifully into the bin, moaning softly in pain. The torrent she had been expecting never came. Instead, a slick, steady stream of acidic saliva trailed from her mouth into the trashcan. It tasted fouler than anything she remembered putting down her throat. For a few moments, she remained there spitting and coughing intermittently until she awoke to the situation around her. Dean's foggy green eyes moved slowly from the rim of the trashcan to focus on dark pant legs. Then, she saw a tie, a disheveled shirt, a familiar coat, and the famously weary face of her angel.

"Cas." The woman wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and smiled shamelessly at the man that had stayed up all night to just to be able to jump in as a medic in case he was needed. Needless to say, Cas was not pleased.

"Good morning. How are you feeling?" It was a stupid question, but the angel had to ask to make sure Dean was going to survive before he beat her to death. Before Dean had the opportunity to express the deep agony she was in Sam opened the door to their room, allowing a pool of sunlight to fall upon her face. She reacted as a vampire might.

"Ahhh!" she cried and curled away from the burning sensation. "I don't… I don't feel good."

The fun and games were over. Sam sighed and placed a bag of something on the table. "Did she puke?" Sam addressed the angel.

"Not really. She made several unpleasant noises and kept spitting." Castiel crinkled his nose, unsure of how he could love someone who was such an irresponsible asshole.

"Is she going to live?"

"Definitely," Castiel answered. "But not well."

"I'm right here, you guys. I can hear you…" Dean croaked. She hid under the covers, but even that movement caused her considerable pain.

"Damn it, Dean," Sam began, but didn't know how to go on. There were so many things he had always wanted to tell Dean about his drinking. There were so many things he had already said. Every now and then it was exhausting to the point that he couldn't come up with any new material. "I'm glad you can hear! You make Amy Winehouse look reformed, man. You have got to slow down."

"Amy Winehouse?" Dean groaned, "Nah. _That_ chick has issues. I'm, I'm fine."

"If you're so fine, try getting out of bed."

In response, Dean could only make a single, drawn-out sound. She blamed the female body for everything. It wasn't used to the drinking male Dean did yet. "Sammy, just let me sleep. Then I'll be better."

"You made a pyramid out of shot glasses." Sam didn't know if he should have taken more responsibility over his sister. He'd told her not to drink and to slow down, but that had not been enough. She took everything overboard, usually when he wasn't looking. There was only so much Sam could do. He was certain that even if they avoided all bars completely, she would sneak something by. That was Dean's way.

"Please, just let me sleep." Dean drifted off without much difficulty. When she next awoke, she was moderately better and it was almost 1 'o clock in the afternoon. She blinked at the ceiling.

"Cas?"

Castiel's figure appeared at her side. His face loomed above hers. The woman grabbed his hand, stroking it for a moment. If Castiel thought she was about to express any form of sincere gratitude for watching over her, he was wrong. Instead, Dean moved the angel's hand down her body, leaving it over her agitated abdomen. "Cas baby, work those magic fingers. I need that angel mojo."

The angel narrowed his eyes in the most irritated expression he was capable of giving Dean. He pulled his hand away and expressed his deep displeasure passive aggressively, "I seem to have misplaced my 'angel mojo.' I'll just come back when you're decent."

"No, Cas! C'mon! Damn it…" Dean whined after the angel had vanished. "What did I do?"

"He's not a medicine cabinet," Sam interjected, quite annoyed with Dean's selfishness by this point. A good portion of the day had been wasted already. "He's a human being!"

"What? No he isn't."

"Well, okay, but he does have feelings," Sam answered.

"He also has superpowers, Sammy! Can't a guy get a break around here?" Dean sat up slowly and considered her brother's words. She wanted to think that she would have always been there to heal her friends if she had incredible powers, but she inwardly admitted that Sam had a point. Maybe she did ask too much of the angel every now and then. "Alright, I'll buy him a dozen roses next time I see him."

"You should," Sam replied. He opened the mini-fridge and took out a bottle of soda, "You're going to have to sober up the old fashioned way. We've got Ginger Ale and coffee. Which do you want?"

"Both. Just give me both."

* * *

Sam and Dean drove to the local mall after Dean had eaten a little and recovered as much as she could. Sam was impatient to get out of the hotel so he decided to research at a café at the mall while Dean got a purse. Yes, a purse. The mall wasn't very impressive, but it had everything they needed. Soon after entering, Sam felt like splitting up because he would have rather died than go purse shopping with a hungover Dean.

"I'll be at the Panera," was the only thing Sam said before vanishing.

"Okay, bye," Dean sneered. She couldn't understand why everyone was so pissed at her. If they didn't want her to get blackout drunk, they should have never taken her to spend hours at a bar. To add to her bad mood, she was pretty sure Sam and Cas were being hypocrites. None of them had to deal with an unwanted sex change. She could bet they'd both be drunk off their asses if they had to go through what she was going through now. When stressed, as she was now, Dean's drinking only got worse. She kept her sunglasses on as she wandered over to the mall directory, an expression of melancholy plastered on her face. "Okay, purse shop. Purse store. There's got to be one here. Any clothes shop is good, right? I can't believe Sammy abandoned me," Dean grumbled to herself. Although getting a purse had been her idea, the thought of shopping for one still made her wildly uncomfortable. To make matters worse, she still had a headache and was in no mood to be left to her own devices. "Cas, please. I'm sorry. Hey buddy, I'm fucking sorry, okay? Come back, would ya?"

As she glanced at the shiny map of the mall, the reflection of her favorite angel appeared, startling her out of her concentration. She flipped around to gaze at her friend. _There's that dork I can always count on._

"You were saying something about being sorry?" The angel asked.

"Smart ass," Dean grinned. "I'm sorry, I guess, for whatever I said and/or did," she began very inadequately. With genuine affection, she added, "You're the best friend a guy could ask for."

As far as Castiel was aware, Dean could not get more apologetic or grateful than this. He smiled slowly, wondering if Dean would ever consider him as anything other than a 'best friend.' The angel didn't get very far in that train of thought before Dean began to stuff his coat pockets with the contents of a plastic bag she had been carrying. She chucked the empty bag into a trashcan behind her when she was done and smiled back at Cas.

"What's all this?" Castiel asked, frowning. He reached into his full pockets to pull out some tampons and pads.

"Shh! Jesus Christ, man! Would you put that away?" Dean said before shoving her feminine products back into Castiel's coat. She explained, "I'm here to get a purse. Yeah, I know, a purse. I've just got so much shit to carry these days. It's bullshit. I'll say it again, being a woman is bullshit. Look at this!"

She turned around to give Castiel a view of her ass in her tight jeans. She tried to shove her manly wallet into her back pocket with no success. "Look at this! It's so fucking useless!" Dean raged. "Women can't even put their wallets in their own pants. Tell me, Cas. What's the point of a pocket if nothing fits in it?"

Castiel opened his mouth, but no words came out. He'd been asked to focus on Dean's ass, and he couldn't be expected think at the same time. He didn't complain as Dean returned her wallet into Castiel's coat or as she slipped her cell phone into his shirt pocket. She patted his chest and said, "Let me know if that rings, 'kay?"

The angel nodded and felt heat rushing into his face. "Am I… Did you just turn me into a pack mule?"

"No, babe, why would you think that? You're just helpin' a gal out."

After some consideration, Castiel asked, "Why do you keep doing that?"

"What?"

"Referring to me as an infant?" The angel wasn't sure if Dean was mocking him or if there was another reasoning behind her sudden desire to 'baby' and 'babe' him. She laughed cheerily and gave him several affectionate pats on the shoulder.

"Cas, you're the best," she said before wandering off in the direction of the first 'purse store.' Castiel followed, hot on her trail.

"But what does it mean?"

"Babe, you're gonna have to do your own homework some of the time. I can't teach you everything," Dean evaded. Confusing Cas was always such good sport.

"I am not a baby," Castiel furrowed his brows.

"Says the man that had a hissy fit earlier today," Dean teased. "Hey, this store looks good. Come on, Mr. Sensitive."

Dean soon discovered that purse shopping was horrible. It wasn't easy to buy something she had never cared about in the past. She was livid when she saw how expensive they could be. "Fifty dollars for this piece of shit? Do I look like I'm made of money?" Dean ranted to Castiel, who bore it all with interest. He was as unfamiliar with shopping as Dean was. Watching the pair steer their way through the mall was like watching tourists navigate an unfamiliar country. Dean thought the purses were as impractical as the pants she wore. They were massive, ugly, heavy, uncomfortable, and expensive. At last they stumbled across something that suited Dean.

It was a somewhat rugged-looking, dull army green satchel that could be slung over her chest. The bag had enough room to fit everything she needed while also not being too big to be annoying. It was twenty-five dollars, which was modest in comparison to some of the other merchandise she had seen. She forked over the money because she was tired of looking and this one was good enough. Dean could only suppress her anger at being emasculated so severely by forcing herself to remember that she was in a woman's body now and that it was the norm for women to own purses. Getting angry would only make her stomach and her head ache more, which was to be avoided at all costs in the state she was in.

"Okay, Cas. Time for the transfer. Come here," Dean beckoned. She made Castiel hold the shopping bag while she opened the purse and removed the paper inside it to be able to put all her stuff in it. The tampons and the pads were transferred first. Thankfully, there was a secret pocket in the interior of the bag so that Dean could hide the fact that she was menstruating. She dug her hand into Castiel's other coat pocket and took out her wallet and a bottle of Tylenol to move them into the bag. Then, she felt over the angel's chest to get her phone. She looked up at him then and gave him a wavering smile because she was feeling a profound conflict that she had felt before as a man. Cas was so dutiful that it was heartwarming.

Dean wondered if this was what normal couples were like. She had gotten to thinking about what the norm for a woman was, and now she was wondering if it was okay to always have such ease when getting physically close to another man. Did strangers think they were together? They probably didn't care, Dean decided. It would have only been awkward and the subject of controversy and disdain if they had both been men at that moment. Rather than getting out her phone, she leaned forward and placed a kiss on Castiel's mouth.

The angel blinked and faltered, "What was that for?"

"Just because. For, I don't know, coming along with me." _For always being there,_ she thought.

"It's not decent, Dean," Castiel whispered anxiously, "We're in public."

"Not decent? I'll show you 'not decent,'" She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him more deeply than she just had. Dean knew he liked it. She could tell from the way he held her the first time they had kissed that Cas was crazy about her. As a man, Dean had suspected it, but always brushed those thoughts away. They had been too complex to handle. For just today, the Winchester wanted to have a normal moment.

She wanted to pretend that they were just a plain old human couple, spending the afternoon shopping. She wanted to believe that Castiel slept, and when he did, he slept beside her. Maybe they both had jobs that didn't involve saving people or killing things. In this fantasy, make-believe world, maybe Castiel wanted kids and Dean wanted to keep her figure. In that universe, maybe they both got to have what they wanted, including carefree kisses.

Castiel ignored propriety to indulge in Dean's lips. He wanted to kiss her like that everyday. Her mouth was soft, needy, and perfect. The angel's whole body reacted to her lips and the hands he felt wandering up his chest. When Cas was beginning to feel inappropriately aroused for their location, he pulled away. Dean's fingers tucked into his shirt pocket to finally remove her cell phone.

"Thanks for holding all my stuff," She said.

Castiel was so overwhelmed by their moment that he didn't say anything for a long time. He blindly followed Dean around, completely lovesick, as she went to buy some things for her hair. He wordlessly assisted the woman pull her hair back into a ponytail when she requested help. He would gladly die for this Winchester, but all these little things seemed almost as important in defining the depth of their relationship.

* * *

Sam was sipping a latte when he saw the pair approaching. As he had been compiling information, the man had eaten a sandwich and taken some time to forgive Dean for being a reckless drinker. After having this time alone, he had become noticeably happier. Sam was glad to see Dean and Castiel together again. "Did you guys make up?" he asked.

Castiel nodded and Dean smirked. "Good," Sam answered. Truthfully, he hated when the guys fought. "Dean, did you do something to your hair?"

"I got this hair band. I figured it's cheaper than a haircut," the woman answered. "Anyway, I can always chop it all off myself back at the hotel."

"I like your hair like it is."

"Pah! It's alright. For now." Dean excused herself to get a hot cup of Joe and a chocolate muffin. She had been craving one so bad and she was finally well enough to contemplate devouring all the calories and fat muffins entailed. Dean let Cas try a piece of her muffin even though he hadn't asked for one. "So, what's up, Sammy?"

"Well, I got to thinking. What if we can summon Artemis like we can summon demons?" Sammy began and Dean looked intrigued. "So, I tried to find everything I could to help, but I could only find stuff on rituals. There's loads of different ones and most of them are done at the full moon."

"The full moon?" Dean cut in. She thought for a minute. In a surly tone, she added, "That's two weeks from now."

"I know, I know. But while I was looking for stuff, I found a cult to the goddess nearby!" Sam smiled.

"A cult?" Dean was unsure of why Sam would sound so cheery about that news.

"Yeah, I was thinking, if we got in touch with them, maybe we could find the goddess easier. There has to be some reason she came to you in that bar. Maybe she's in the neighborhood. Maybe she's hanging around because she has a cult here. If she's gonna show up anywhere, it'll be at a ritual in her honor, don't you think?"

"That's… That's actually brilliant," Dean laughed. "Sammy, you're a genius!" She reached over the table and grabbed the sides of his face to plant a chocolate-scented kiss on his big forehead.

"Aw, cut it out," Sam squirmed even though he was secretly pleased. Dean ruffled his shaggy head before sitting back down. Sam went on, "I just emailed the leader and I'm waiting – oh, there we go."

Sam popped open the email and scanned its contents. There was a phone number and a welcoming message. "What do you think?"

"I think we're about to get our cult on," Dean replied.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In their search for Artemis, the power trio plunges into cult life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, it's pretty cracktastic.

From the perspective of a stranger, Castiel, Sam, and Dean looked like average mall-goers and café-loungers. A person prone to people-watching might have assumed that Sam was the sibling visiting home from college, with his laptop open to pretend he was working on something important while he was really stalking Facebook. Cas had the look of a hard-working accountant who must have been very kind-hearted and in possession of some intense, secret magnetism if he was able to land a spectacular younger woman like Dean. With her makeup-free face and her modern grunge attire of red plaid, clunky black boots, and vaguely military-inspired jacket, she didn't seem like the obvious partner for Castiel until she smiled at him. When she looked at Cas with that broad, sparkling expression, the man smiled back bashfully as though he had learned to smile only from being around her.

No casual bystander would have suspected that the people in this charming scene had been discussing the best method to infiltrate a cult.

They decided Dean would call the cult leader later that evening to try to get a meeting with them. With their plan in place, their conversation drifted to more trivial matters. Sam listened to Dean complain about life as a woman, as she was prone to doing. She occasionally waxed philosophical on the subject, proclaiming that she had been 'forced into a system,' that 'the man was keeping her down,' and that she was going to be a 'liberated woman' just as she had been a 'liberated man.' Dean claimed that her long, luscious locks had to go because they symbolized the worship of beauty over practicality. Now that she thought about it, she didn't understand why long hair was considered to be beautiful on a woman, but not on a man. Everything from long hair to purses to periods and tight pants seemed unfair to her. As far as she was concerned, everything about her body was a cage.

As she twisted her brain into knots, Sam decided she was probably completely full of shit because male Dean loved all the results of the beauty obsession female Dean now professed to hate. Dean had always been pretty shallow, barely ever considering women in any scenario that didn't involve sex. Of course, now that she was being affected negatively, Dean hated all the things male Dean took for granted or ignored. Still, if she were turned into a man at that very instant, Sam wasn't sure she would give a toss about anything. He knew Dean would be too busy rejoicing and welcoming his penis back into his life. Even so, Sam snickered as he listened because Dean was so amusing in the way she expressed her strong opinions with colorful language.

"What are you laughing at?" Dean shot at Sam. She didn't like his smug face and the entertainment he was getting from her serious grievances.

"Nothing!" Sam replied, "Just, it's kind of funny. You've turned into a feminist."

Offended, Dean asserted, "I was always a feminist."

Her comment made Sam nearly spit his latte all over his laptop. Incredulously, he responded, "Yeah, right."

"Mom was a woman," Dean muttered under her breath, letting her inner Mama's Boy show.

"Sorry, you're right," Sam grinned. Regardless of the reasoning, he was glad his sibling had joined the 21st century. Dean was having complex thoughts about gender equality. Sam was so proud.

"I just _get_ it more now," Dean explained. Despite what Sam seemed to believe, Dean did have deep thoughts. As an inherently sensual person, many of them were about sex, which was a topic that had become increasingly difficult to process. Dean had always loved easy women, but it turned out he wasn't so keen on being one. There was something wrong with the world, she thought, if acting upon natural urges was praised in one sex, and reviled in the other. Dean was fairly certain she didn't have any interest in being pursued by men – at least not in the same way Dean had loved being chased by women. It was hard to boil down all her thoughts into sentences, but she tried, "Like, I was always screwing around before, right? But if I start pulling dudes off the street now, having sex with them all the time, I'd just be a slut and that would be frowned upon."

"Yeah, 'pulling dudes off the street' is probably never a good idea," Sam couldn't contain his laughter any more, "But you were always kind of a slut. Just… there's not really a male equivalent to the word. Manslut, maybe?"

Castiel shifted uncomfortably in his seat beside his newly female friend. It was a little painful for the angel to think of any incarnation of Dean as a slut, even if it was true. Dean pressed, "Exactly. It's the fucking system, I tell you. I should be able to have all the sex I want with all the people I want, no matter what body I'm in. Either I'm a slut all of the time or none of the time. Male or female shouldn't matter. Equality. This is America, damn it."

Sam wished he had a tape recorder to get this all down. This was the kind of conversation he would love to play to a male Dean later in their lives. Meanwhile, Castiel had reached a point where he could no longer keep silent. He cast a pair of sorrowful blue eyes at his blonde companion. "Is that what you want?" He asked, "Sex with other people…" his voice became very small as he said, "all the time?"

It was at that moment that she realized she had stuck her foot into her mouth. Dean quickly reached out to the angel to soothe him, caressing his arm. "It's just a hypothetical, Cas."

Castiel sighed, possibly his most pitiful sigh of the day. In response, the woman embraced his arm, pulling him even closer to her than he had already been. "I'm still a virgin, aren't I?" she whispered. With a wink, she added in a sultry voice, "For now."

Innocent as ever, the angel didn't comprehend her full meaning, but he did feel better. The Winchester's touch and attention was always welcome to Castiel and almost always placating. Sam noticed that these affectionate gestures were given more freely than ever before by his brother. There was plenty of room across from Sam in the booth they were in, but they sat closer to each other than was necessary. Cas and Dean had desired to be touching each other, nearly on top of each other, since they had first joined Sam. Neither of the two seemed to notice that their comfort zones were overlapping. They sat hip-to-hip like there was no other option.

This was a problem.

Sam didn't care if they were smitten with each other, but he was worried. When the time came for Dean to become a man again, what would happen to Cas? As much as he loved his brother, Sam also cared about Castiel and he didn't want to see the angel revert to the way he had been, longing after Dean with no hope. Dean may have been able to evolve his thinking on women's issues, but Sam didn't think he could make a similar turn about wanting to be with another man. Aside from Sam, Dean seemed to only truly love two other things: hunting and the angel. No matter how much his brother had pined, worried, and cared for Cas, he had always remained resolutely heterosexual. Sam couldn't help but image the worst outcomes to this scenario because his romanticism had died a slow, painful death over the years.

The siblings split up from Cas, deciding to call him later when he was needed. Castiel disappeared to wherever he went when he wasn't with them, leaving a crestfallen Dean behind. Dean always looked forlorn whenever Castiel left, like he had just lost a part of himself. The woman stood with her hands in her jacket pockets, wondering about Castiel until Sam suggested that they leave.

Once they were on their way back to the hotel, Sam attempted hash out his worries with his sister. "Hey, Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Um…I was just thinking. I mean, well…"

"Spit it out, Sammy."

He was afraid, but he acquiesced, "What's gonna happen with you and Cas when you change back?"

Emotions flashed across the woman's face as she absorbed Sam's unexpected question. She blinked and frowned, but avoided looking at Sam. She kept her eyes on the road as she drove and said, "Nothin'. It'll be just like it was. Just like it's supposed to be."

Sam was well aware that Dean's denial ran deep on just about everything involving emotions, but that didn't make it any easier to talk to someone who insisted on stubbornly resisting reality. "Oh. I just thought…you guys had gotten closer."

Dean didn't respond, except to clench the steering wheel more tightly. Her jaw set into a rigid, unmoving plane. Finally, she lashed out, "Are we having Girl Talk now? Is that what's happening? Just because I'm a chick, doesn't mean I want to talk about my feelings, 'kay?"

In his unease, Sam clutched his laptop bag a little more snugly and tried to think of the best way to pose his thoughts. He knew Dean wouldn't like what he had to say, but he still felt the need to say it. "I know," He began. "I'm not trying to have Girl Talk with you."

"Good."

"I just want you to know that if, for any reason, you decide to stay the way you are, I'm fine with that," Sam said. He saw the anger boiling within his sibling and kept speaking to make his point. All he wanted was for Dean to be happy and Dean was happiest with Cas. If being a woman helped his brother find happiness with Castiel, Sam completely supported it. He went on, "No matter what happens, you're always going to be family. It doesn't matter what body you're in. You'll always be Dean to me. You'll always be the best hunter I know. Nothing else matters to me as long as you're alive and healthy."

Dean would be lying if she said Sam's declaration didn't tug on her heartstrings a little bit. Her lip quirked into a grin, "That's adorable, Sammy."

"I'm serious. Whatever you choose is fine with me."

"And I'm serious about turning back. It's not just about having a dick, okay?" Dean replied. "I'm sick of getting pushed around by gods. I didn't pick this body, _she_ did. That's why I don't want it. I'd rather die than live by somebody else's plans."

"Then that's what we'll do. We'll get your body back."

* * *

As the afternoon slid into the evening, Dean got out her phone and examined the piece of paper upon which Sam had scrawled the cult leader's phone number. _Dorothea? Of course that's her name. Awful._ Dean's fingers tapped the digits of the phone number as she inwardly mocked the cult leader. Sam sat across from her, watching.

"Hello? Yeah, this is Deana," The woman covered the mouthpiece of the cell phone and bit back her chuckles because her assumed female name was so ridiculous. _Deana_. Since Sam had used the name before, they decided they would stick to it since they didn't think 'Dean' was feminine enough. "Yeah, I'm the one that's been emailing you. Totally! She's great. Uh-huh. That's why I called you. I want to, you know, pay my respects to the goddess."

Sam shook his head as he watched Dean point at the phone and silently ridicule the woman on the other line. The eldest Winchester didn't think much of cults. Depending on the cult, she thought they were only slightly better covens, and she absolutely despised covens. Dean didn't have much respect for people that were willing to devote so much of their time and energy to a bunch of gods that were usually no good, especially when these so-called gods typically just wanted blood and suffering to be given in their honor. Dean played her role as best as she could. As she listened to the voice on the other line, she started to scribble down some notes.

"Oh, wow! Yeah, it's destiny, for sure!" She almost squealed in response to whatever the woman was saying on the other line, "I know, I love the new moon almost as much as the full moon. I would love to go to the meeting tonight. Thanks, Dorothea. This is just the thing I needed. Yeah, great talking to you too. See you later. Okay, bye."

Dean hung up and tossed the phone on the bed triumphantly. "Well, that was easy."

"What'd she say?"

"Something about a gathering to celebrate the new moon. Typical cult bullshit," Dean responded. "She sounded psyched about me joining. Looks like we're in."

"Where's it going to be?"

"Oh, look." Dean handed Sam the paper she had been writing on. "That's the address. It's a campground about an hour away from here. She says they always rent out this one spot. Seems legit."

"Okay, well, we better get ready if we want to get there on time."

Sam didn't have much to do except check on his weapons and pocket a flashlight. Dean, on the other hand, was stuck in the bathroom for a few minutes. She came out with her hair sticking out at odd ends. She didn't look pleased.

"You okay?"

"I don't know what to do with my hair. The ponytail was too tight on my head."

"Just put it in a braid or something."

Dean sat on the bed, fumbling with her hair uselessly. Watching the woman endeavor to braid her hair was like watching a penguin try to wield a fork and knife. The more she attempted to fix her hair, the worse it looked. "I don't know…"

Before she could finish her sentence, Sam sat behind her and took over. He brushed her hair out neatly and then split her hair into three roughly equal parts. Dean sat, amazed, as Sam folded her hair into a tidy braid with great care.

"You know how to braid hair?" She asked.

"Jess taught me," Sam answered in an unaffected tone.

Dean looked down at her hands, suddenly distraught for her little brother. His fingers were so gentle as they weaved through her hair. There was a woman somewhere that was missing out on the privilege of having Sam for herself. His great capacity to love could only be shared with Dean. It was difficult to think of the loneliness Sam had endured. As the eldest, Dean had done everything to protect Sam, but he felt he had failed at protecting him from his unimaginable losses. It was miserable.

"I haven't done this in a long time, but I think it's okay," Sam said as he finished tying her hair together. His sibling turned to face him, with a big-eyed, emotional face. Sam thought she looked like a very sad doll. "You need anything else?"

"Just my gun," she answered. She got up to get her shoulder holster and strapped it on, only to become aggravated by how loose it fit on her significantly more narrow female shoulders. "Aw, for Christ's sake!"

Sam hid his smile as Dean inelegantly forced the harness to fit her slight body. Soon enough, they were ready and out the door.

* * *

"Hey, Cas, it's show time!" Dean called out to the wilderness. True to form, Castiel appeared as soon as he was needed. He joined the Winchesters who were standing by some tall trees within the off-season camping grounds. Wet, earthy smells surrounded them.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Castiel asked. His opinion of cults was not much better than Dean's.

"Yeah, why not? Anyway, I'm packin'," the woman answered. She revealed the firearm she had on her just to remind Cas she wasn't a complete invalid. She also had a knife and had been trained for these sorts of things. Grinning, she added, "And I've got you."

Castiel stared out into the forest, distrustful of the situation. To his surprise, fingers found their way onto his clothing. He looked down to see Dean concentrating as she adjusted his tie.

"Seriously, Cas, are you never gonna to learn how to tie this?" She had noticed Castiel's tie had been even more lopsided than usual and felt the uncontrollable urge to fix it. "You gotta look nice for the cult."

"Cults," Castiel hissed disdainfully. His comment and his weary look up to the heavens got a sincere smirk out of the woman. They may have been different species, but every now and then they saw things perfectly eye-to-eye.

"Hey, listen up. If anyone hands you Kool-Aid, don't you _dare_ drink it," Dean said. Once she finished fixing his tie, she held his scruffy face gently and reiterated her concern. "Don't drink anything that looks even remotely like Kool-Aid, got it?"

Castiel nodded without having a clue what Kool-Aid was. By Sam's guidance, they found the plot number 22, specified by the cult leader. It was completely empty except for a single figure standing within the almost nonexistent twilight. She was in a long skirt, with dark, curly hair flowing behind her. For a moment, Dean wished and hoped it was Artemis, but then the stranger turned around and revealed a cell phone in her hand. She was energetically texting, which was rather anticlimactic.

"Dorothea?" Dean called out to her. The very last rays of the sun vanished as the woman looked up to acknowledge the Winchester. Her face filled with a sense of unbridled pleasure as she took in Dean's form. Just as quickly, her mien became apprehensive when she noticed Sam and Castiel coming up behind Dean.

"You must be Deana!" Dorothea approached the woman, giving her a soft hug that was imbued with an herby aroma. The cult leader was either high as a kite or had an incense addiction – maybe both. "I'm so glad you came!"

" _Yay_ ," Dean cheered uncomfortably from within her lingering embrace. After too long a time, she was released.

"Oh! I know I shouldn't have this. It's not right, what with the Goddess being all about nature and everything, but I stayed behind to wait for you," Dorothea rambled and waved her phone about, until she finally stowed it away into the recesses of her clothing. "You know, electronics."

"Yeah, electronics," Dean swallowed. She had been surprised by the lack of tinfoil hat on the cult leader, but there was definitely something off about her that Sam, Cas, and Dean all felt. Maybe they were all being influenced by the nature of cults and the oddness that came with standing in the dark with a total stranger. Sam clicked on his flashlight, and you would have thought he had slapped Dorothea in the face.

She gasped dramatically, "Goddess, no!"

She reached into her mysteriously well-stocked attire to reveal a couple of fire hazards – a candle and a lighter. As she lit the candle, Sam shrugged and distinguished his horribly modern and forbidden flashlight. Dorothea seemed to remember something. "Oh, you brought guests!"

"Uh-huh," Dean stepped away from the cult leader and introduced her men, "My brother, Sammy and Cas."

"Oh…" She seemed displeased, but unwilling to be upfront about it. In a hushed voiced, she addressed Dean, "It's just that we don't usually have men."

Dean had to listen very closely to catch her words. _Does that mean they're not allowed?_ Truthfully, Dean didn't give a shit if she broke all the rules. She sure as hell wasn't going to run off into the woods with that woman alone. "Oh, okay. Well, they're totally cool. Don't worry about it."

Uncomfortable with the situation, Dorothea bit one of her fingernails. For a leader, she wasn't very assertive.

"Uh, well, I can just wait by the car. It's no big deal," Sam said. He was already backing away slowly. He thought Dean didn't need him if he had Cas. Anyway, they knew where he would be. "I was just her ride. Dean… Deana, um, you just call me if you need anything."

"Okay!" Dean answered in as perky a tone as she could muster even though she was fuming inside about Sam leaving her behind. She wasn't about to give up Cas. Firmly, she told the cult leader, "It'll just be me and Cas then."

Dorothea still seemed lacking in eagerness. "Well…I suppose…"

"Cas is totally solid. In fact, he's the one that got me into the Goddess," Dean explained. In a more hushed tone, she elaborated, "You see, he's a virgin."

Castiel's eyes went wide as he regarded Dean. A creeping blush made its way onto his face, completely affirming Dean's assertion. Castiel's awkwardness struck a cord with the cult leader that made her smile.

"Aw, bless you both," Dorothea swooned, thinking they were very sweet. "Come on then."

Dorothea might have been the nicest cult leader Dean would ever meet, but the Winchester still couldn't shake the horrible feeling that they were being led into the woods to be murdered. _Not a big deal, Dean. It's just a cult. You can do this._ Castiel's footfalls beside her eased her more than anything else in the world could have. A warm glow emerged in the woods ahead. They had gone a fair distance from the camping plot marked #22. Now, in addition to worrying about being murdered, Dean was worrying about bears. Bears were some nasty sons of bitches and they were wandering right into their territory.

As soon as they entered the ring of light within the halo of trees, Castiel and Dean observed eleven women in various states of intoxication. They were of all shapes, sizes, colors, and ages, although most of them appeared to be between their mid-to-late-20s and their 30s. A few were definitely older. Dorothea herself was probably on the more senior scale of the age range, but she had taken good care of herself. Dean's appearance caused a wave of awe to fall upon the women. Dean felt like a precious puppy entering a room full of fawning ladies. Again, the response to Cas was far less enthusiastic. Some of the women looked downright _pissed_.

"Okay, ladies. We have some new guests. Let's welcome Deana and Cas," Dorothea gestured to the newcomers extravagantly and a variety of welcomes and greetings were offered. The women introduced themselves one by one and then began posing questions to Dean and Cas.

"Where are you from?" A dark woman questioned Dean.

Dean responded with the first city that popped into her mind, "Toledo."

"Spain?" A younger woman interjected with surprise and excitement.

"Sí. I mean, no. The other one," Dean answered. Now that friendly women were surrounding her, she was beginning to feel a little more comfortable. A few of them were quite attractive. At the very least, they seemed harmless enough.

"And you said his name is Cas?" Another woman asked, "Is that short for something?"

"Yeah, Casanova," Dean zinged, wagging her eyebrows. She snickered at her own joke, but everyone else was dead silent. _Tough crowd._

"It's not short for anything," Castiel lied, eyeing the women with thinly veiled suspicion.

"What exactly is his deal? Why is he here?" A particularly testy woman questioned as she glared at Cas. She and Cas settled into a disturbingly vicious staring contest that was only broken by Dean getting Cas' attention and quietly reminding him that they had to blend in.

"Cas is like my guru," Dean explained. She worked up the best lie she could come up with on the spot. "In a past life, he knew the Goddess. As a matter of fact, he used to be a _she_. And he's still got that Goddess-loving woman inside of him. Right…. Here." Dean placed her hand right over Castiel's heart, eliciting a few 'aw's' from the crowd. Castiel had no idea how to respond. Strangely enough, his peculiarity played as well with the group of women as it had with the cult leader.

The more easy-going cult members chided the most skeptical follower into accepting Cas. "Alright, Cassie. You can sit next to me," she said.

They formed a circle upon the leaf-covered soil, each woman sitting comfortably with her legs crossed. Castiel sat with the sardonic woman named Kendra to his right and Dean to his left. Much to Dean's chagrin, the spacey Dorothea settled down next to her. Since they had first walked in on the cult members, Dean had been eyeing a youthful blond, who had been eyeing her right back. Unfortunately, that woman sat on the opposite end from her right next to Toledo, Spain who seemed to be about as empty-headed as a maraca.

Dorothea placed her lit candle into the center of the circle where a large basin of clear water lay. Every woman around the circle followed her example. Only Castiel and Dean had come unprepared, but Dorothea provided them with extra candles. Each woman also placed an offering to Artemis at the center beside the candles. The glow of the circle and the shine of the stars created an atmosphere that was generally not altogether horrible, as Dean had expected.

"Do you have any offerings?" Dorothea asked Dean and Cas.

 _Oh, shit. Shit, shit._ Dean cleared her throat and tried not to look nervous as she looked at Cas. "Cas, did you remember to bring the offerings?"

In response, Castiel looked at her like she had just lost her mind.

"Geez, I give him one thing to do," Dean chuckled anxiously, " _Men_."

Castiel frowned and dug his hand into his coat pocket. After a second or two of rummaging, the angel uncovered a tampon that had been left in his pocket. Dean looked mortified as Castiel walked to the center and left the tampon beside one of the candles.

"Nice choice," Dorothea nodded.

Dean wasn't sure if she was making fun of them or not so she kept her mouth shut. She just looked at Cas with accusations in her olive eyes. _A tampon? Really? Really, Cas?_ Castiel gave the woman the slightest shrug, not giving a damn.

Then, the handholding commenced. Dorothea must have been an amateur poet because she began reciting praises that did not sound like they came out of any textbook. Spoken in plain English, she called out to the Goddess. She requested the gift of strength, protection, and confidence that Artemis was uniquely suited to give the circle of women. Dean ignored most of it to survey their surroundings. She was on edge in case Artemis decided to reveal herself. She watched the fires of the candles with great intensity. In the distance, a wolf howled.

 _Next it's gonna be bears._ The feeling of something cold and metallic in her hands interrupted Dean's thoughts. _Concentrate, Dean! Concentrate!_ Dorothea had offered a silver chalice full of a red liquid to the Winchester. From whence this chalice had come, Dean did not know, but she stared down into it apprehensively because of…

 _Kool-Aid_.

She brought the cup up to her mouth in slow-motion, hoping for a distraction, but Dorothea seemed invested in watching her drink the contents of the cup. The cult leader's stare was unnerving. Dean realized she would have to pretend to drink whatever was in the cup. Just as the cup touched her lips, it was swiftly removed.

Dean turned just in time to see Castiel draining the cup. _No!_ Castiel didn't seem to care if the liquid was poisoned or drugged. His only concern was that Dean should not drink it. All the women around the circle were drinking from silver cups. _Is this an Artemis cult or a Holy Grail convention?_

When she saw that Castiel had not shriveled up and turned into dust like the man that 'chose poorly' in _Indiana Jones_ _and the Last Crusade_ , she was moderately relieved. Sensing her tenseness, Castiel whispered, "It was just wine."

 _Why would you do that?_ She narrowed her eyes at him and pouted, but a part of her was amazed that Castiel had unquestioningly consumed a mysterious liquid just so that she wouldn't have to. For what came next, Dean wished she had drunk the wine.

 _Dancing. Of all things, why'd it have to be dancing?_ The women began a slow, solemn dance around the circle that was easy to follow, but no less embarrassing to participate in. Dean assumed it was supposed to be an interpretation of something, but she could not fathom what. Castiel walked around the circle behind Dean, unwilling to dance with her.

"This is blasphemous," He whispered.

"You're tellin' me, buddy."

From that moment on, the candle-lit experience became more intimate. Dean had noticed that some of the women were dancing closer to each other. In no time, some of the women were 'dancing' with their mouths and without their shirts on. When the first bra was removed, Dean understood that an orgy was imminent.

"Dean," Castiel pleaded. The look on his face told Dean that he was screaming inside. She knew because Castiel's face mirrored her own.

Dorothea made it clear that she was a little bit enamored with Dean. She inched next to the blond and offered her most coquettish face. "He's welcome to watch," she said, briefly glancing to Castiel.

At another time, maybe with other women, this situation could have been Dean's Heaven. At the moment, all Dean wanted was to claw her way out of the situation as quickly as possible. She didn't have the words to express her horror. Just as quickly as Dorothea had addressed Dean, Castiel pulled the Winchester into his lap, wrapping his arms around her protectively. There was no telling what kind of smiting would go down if anyone laid a finger on Dean.

"Oh, oh, okay – " Dean faltered from within Castiel's embrace. "Cas and I are just really shy. We're gonna need a minute. Over there. Behind that tree. Just him and me, I mean. We'll be right back."

Castiel left the circle with Dean, holding her hand firmly. They reached the cover of the largest tree they could find and stood trembling at each other. Without having to say a single word, they agreed upon their next course of action. They bolted away from the cult like they had demons hot on their tails.

The darkness was not to Dean's advantage. She stumbled and might have been seriously hurt if Castiel had not caught her before she hit the ground. "This is too slow," he said grimly. Half a second later, the angel transported them a few yards away from Sam and the Impala.

"Sammy, start the car!" Dean shouted with urgency. "Start the car!"

Sam had been standing with his back against the Impala, reading a magazine by his flashlight. "Yo! What's up? What happened?"

"Don't ask," Dean grit back. By the time she hurled Castiel and herself into the back seat, Sam had started the car. He drove, completely ignorant of what had happened.

"Dean? Cas? You okay?"

"Just drive!"

Castiel's expression said it all.

"Did they?" Sam glanced in the rear view mirror.

"They tried to get us to participate in _debauchery_ ," Castiel said.

"No, shit!" Sam interjected. "You mean, like, an orgy?"

"Yeah, Sammy. Like a friggin' orgy."

"Oh."

"What do you mean 'oh'?" Dean shot back. She knew her brother possibly better than she knew herself and could tell he was hiding something. Events began to become clearer when she considered Sam's eagerness to leave Dean and Cas to the cult. "Damn it, did you know this was going to happen?"

"What? No!" Sam answered in that way he did when it was obvious he was only telling half of the truth. He watched as Dean moved to comfort Castiel who was significantly more rattled than she was. Sam knew it was not the time to grin, but sometimes Sam just couldn't force an appropriate expression.

"I didn't know." Reluctantly, Sam added, "But I did suspect."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean slips into a deep slump.

"You're a traitor." Dean gave Sam a fierce, disapproving look as she stood with her hands on her hips.

"I said I'm sorry like a million times! It's not even my fault," Sam complained. If Dean had done her own research, she might have been more prepared, but she used Sam for everything that involved reading.

After getting back to the hotel, the first thing Dean had done was remove the battery from the phone she had used to call Dorothea. "You could have warned us! Like, 'Hey, guys. They might have an orgy.' Something like that." Dean shouted, "Look what you did to Cas!"

Castiel sat in a chair, sipping on a glass of water silently. Dean had settled him there and had placed the cold glass of water in his hands. She knew he didn't need to drink anything to survive, but she had to do something to calm the poor angel. Holding the chilly glass did make him feel better, probably only because it had been Dean that had given it to him. The image of him sitting in the chair was devastating to Dean, but Sam didn't seem very affected by it at all. When it came to Castiel, his sibling was awfully defensive. Nobody had been touched inappropriately and they were all safely back in their room. Sam believed it was the best possible scenario that could have happened aside from finding Artemis and having her return Dean to normal. Sam apologized anyway, "I'm sorry, Cas."

"It wasn't your fault," the angel replied.

 _See?_ Sam raised an eyebrow to Dean. She huffed a hefty breath and paced around the room until she stopped by the mini fridge. She needed a drink.

Dean was jittery, but as soon as she tasted beer down her throat she felt like she could relax just the slightest bit. There was something nagging her still. "And what the hell? Why are the followers of a _virgin_ goddess having orgies?"

"Actually, it's pretty interesting. Artemis is the goddess of the hunt, virginity, wilderness, and young girls, right? But she's also a goddess of fertility and childbirth," Sam explained. If Dean ever bothered to do any reading, she might know this. "She has a nature of duality. Some scholars say that she and her followers weren't necessarily chaste, and that maybe 'virgin' meant a woman that was unattached, or unmarried, not one that was sexually pure. So there's a few records indicating that orgies were fairly common in her cults to celebrate the aspects of Artemis that were about fertility and being 'wild.'"

"Fascinating," Dean responded sarcastically. _Girls Gone Wild has a whole new meaning._

"I know, right? I could write a thesis on this." Sam realized how geeky he sounded even before Dean gave him a bitchy glare. "Getting back to your whole situation, are you sure you didn't see Artemis there?"

"She wasn't there," Dean grumbled. She would have remembered her face if she had seen her. There was no telling if she had appeared later, but Dean doubted it.

"I didn't sense her there," Castiel interjected. Dean settled down on the bed across from Cas and looked down at the floor. Everything they tried seemed to be a waste of time. Her eyebrows furrowed together.

"I'm sorry, Dean. We can try something else. She has to be somewhere," Sam remarked.

"I'm done," Dean said. "I don't wanna talk about it anymore. Not tonight."

Castiel and Sam wordlessly reached out to each other as their eyes met. They didn't know what to do or say to make Dean feel better. "Yeah, okay. You're right. It is pretty late." Sam suggested, "You should get some sleep. Tomorrow morning, when we're all fresh, we'll think of something."

It was past one in the morning and both Winchesters looked like they could benefit from a few winks. Castiel placed his half-full glass on the table and got out of the chair. Dean's eyes were drawn to him immediately. "I'll leave you to rest."

She didn't want Castiel to go any more than he wanted to leave her, which was plain from the way they gave each other longing looks. Dean stood up and abandoned her beer on the nightstand to invade Castiel's space. "Are you sure you're feeling better? You were lookin' pretty pale there for a while."

Castiel had suffered quite a scare, but it was completely erased now. Dean's concern was touching, nevertheless. "I'm fine, Dean." He clenched his fist to avoid touching her despite her fairly obvious desire to be touched. "Get plenty of rest."

"Okay, you too. Night, night, angel," She grinned and gave him a pat on his arm that lingered into a caress.

"Sleep well, Dean, Sam," the angel said and was gone.

 _They should have kissed_ , Sam thought as he sat down on his bed to remove his shoes. He didn't know how either of them managed to have such control with their bodies when they were so liberal with their heartfelt exchanges. At this rate, Castiel was going to stay a virgin forever. Sam shook his head and smiled to himself. He had to give the angel credit where it was due. He had turned his only brother into a romantic. Of all people, _Dean_ was sulking over a boy.

She sat at the table, where Castiel had been sitting, with her long legs propped up on the other chair. She drank and let her feelings fester without taking much notice of Sam at all. She was headed into one of her infamous downward spirals, which was not prompted only by her confusion and her buried lust for Castiel. Her body and its constraints also played a role. She could never explain to Sam how it felt. Even if he tried, Sam would never be able to understand.

"I'm glad nothing happened to you guys out there. I knew Cas would take care of you," Sam said.

"He does that," Dean mused. The pangs in her heart were becoming so frequent that she was beginning to wonder if she had a medical condition. _This is crazy. It's just Cas. Perfect Cas. My angel… fuck!_

"You okay?"

"Yeah! I'm great. Just friggin' peachy," Dean replied and took a long drink.

"I really am sorry," Sam wasn't exclusively referring to how he had not been more open about typical cult activities. He was sorry about a lot of things. He was sorry Dean was in a body he didn't want and that things were so complicated between him and Cas. "You know, I miss your old self too. I miss your stupid, stupid face."

"I'm pretty sure you mean 'gorgeous.'" Dean grinned.

"Keep telling yourself that."

"That I will, bro," Dean clutched her beer to her bosom and looked up at the ceiling with a dreamy sigh. "Just gorgeous."

"You're such a jerk," Sam laughed. "I'm going to bed. Night."

"Night, Sammy."

Sam slipped into bed and into sleep with ease. All the late-night driving he had done had made him weary. Driving at night was more of a Dean thing, but Dean had been too busy clinging to Cas the entire ride back.

Dean sat, unable to sleep, for hours and hours by the dim light of the cheap floor lamp in their room. All of the woman's worries kept her awake so she drank and surfed on Sam's computer into the wee hours of the morning. The green-eyed Winchester was so disheartened that not even watching porn cheered her up. Watching porn only made her think about how miserable it was to no longer have a penis. The visceral reactions she was used to having didn't happen, and that made her sad. When she watched porn now, she invariably imagined herself in the place of the female porn stars.

Dean didn't think she could handle having a cock in her mouth, but when she did visualize it, it was Castiel's. She thought about doing it with him in a secluded corner of a bar, in the men's restroom, in the Impala, or even just in a darkened alley – obviously all very romantic settings. How would Castiel respond, she wondered.

 _Cas, if you're listening, stop right now._ Dean wasn't sure how their 'profound bond' worked, but she really hoped Castiel wasn't a mind reader. Castiel had a knack of coming to her when she was in trouble, sometimes even without her having to verbally call out to him. It was as though the angel had a 'Spidey Sense' that only honed in on Dean.

A 'Dean Sense,' if you will.

She could only hope he didn't directly pluck thoughts from her brain, because now that she had started inserting herself and Cas into pornos, she couldn't stop. _Stop it, Dean. Damn it. No, this is not okay. This is how you get yourself into Hell. Again._ Curiosity led her to wonder about Cas' dick until she was steamed. She covered her reddened face with her hands, worried and embarrassed by what she had become.

Looking at porn was supposed to be pleasurable and soothing but, instead, she was feeling worse than before she had gotten on the computer. To distract herself, she searched the web for meaningless stuff and ended up watching videos about women's hairstyles. She watched a girl braid hair. _Huh, so that's how Sammy did it._ Then, she watched several videos about women cutting their own hair. Dean watched one multiple times and decided she was up for trying it. She was just a drunken guy that had never cut hair before. What could possibly go wrong?

She hauled a couple of beers, the laptop, and a pair of scissors into the bathroom. It was somewhat of a miracle that she didn't have a horrible accident on the way there. After positioning everything in its place, she put her hands on the bathroom counter and observed her visage with a staggering amount of self-loathing. She couldn't stand that her face and body didn't match what was in her heart and soul. That was all about to change. She was going to get her hair back and it would be a victory even if it was just a minor one.

 _Piece 'o cake._ The model in the video she had found was even blonde, just like Dean. It was a sign that she was meant for short hair. _She doesn't look too lesbian. I can pull this off._ With scorn, she cut through her braid using all of her strength. She set the thick mass of beautiful, golden hair to the side. Then, she viciously attacked the rest of her hair, cutting it shorter and shorter. She only paused to drink more. By the time she was done, she didn't care how she looked because she was intoxicated and miserable.

* * *

When Sam cracked his eyes open, he was surprised to see Dean sitting in the exact same spot she had been in when he'd gone to bed. She looked like a ghost, sitting alone in silence with her hair spiking out a little at the sides. _Holy shit_. Sam sat up. Dean's eyes were only half open and they fixed upon Sam when she saw him get out of bed.

"Mornin', Sammy," She said. Depressive drunks and scissors were two things that didn't belong together for many reasons. Sam didn't even know how to begin.

"Did you sleep at all?"

"What me?" Dean snorted. The bold rings around her eyes answered Sam's silly question.

"Are you drunk?"

"You _would_ say that. Just because I drank all the beer, doesn't mean I'm drunk. It's too damn early for so much judgment, Sammy."

"What happened to your hair?" He just had to ask.

"Christ, man. What was all that college for? I cut it," Dean hissed derisively. _Duh_.

Sammy knew he couldn't possibly tell her it looked dreadful. It was a shock, but he took it in and tried to put the best spin on it that he could. Dean had cut her hair unevenly, leaving a bold, sweeping mass of fringe over her forehead. Sam walked around her and saw that she hadn't left any bald spots. Dean was no professional, but, on the whole, it could have been much worse. Then again, Dean was blessed with so much natural beauty that Sam would have thought her to be stunning even if she shaved her head.

"It's cool," Sam remarked, "You look kinda punk rock."

"I'm chic as fuck."

Sam smiled, "You're an edgy sexpot."

"A rockin' diva."

The Winchesters laughed. Maybe Dean was okay after all, Sam thought. "I didn't think you'd actually cut it."

"I am a man of my word, Sammy. Learn from it."

"Okay," Sam replied. "You wanna get some breakfast? I'm just gonna hop into the shower. I'll be out in five minutes."

"See you in five."

Of course, when Sam walked out of the bathroom five minutes later with a towel fastened around his waist, Dean was nowhere to be seen. "Shit!" Sam exclaimed. He ran to the window and saw that the Impala was also gone. "God damn it, Dean!"

He did what anyone would do. He called Dean's cell phone. When his brother didn't answer, Sam left a worried voice message. Dean didn't pick up because she was driving to a craft store. When she parked the Impala, she picked up her phone and listened to her message. She was too tired and too downcast to call Sam back. She rested her body on the door of the car and drifted off to sleep in her baby's arms.

Dean woke up about an hour later, starving and unable to remember why she was where she was. Her head hurt and a part of her felt very sick inside. _Why a craft store?_ Her train of thought caught up with her soon enough and she stumbled out of the car. She was there to buy supplies to enact her own prayer to Artemis. If she wanted something to be done right, she would have do it herself, she thought. Dean bought some candles and other various things to get started and then drove to the nearest fast food joint.

Inside, she chowed down on a greasy burger, completely lacking in energy. Dean really wasn't a loner, but she just didn't feel like being around people today. Sam and his ideas, Cas with his flawlessness – both men loving her so much it made her feel guilty that she was such a mess and that she hated herself so much. When she was done eating, an idea struck her as she passed by the menu. On her way out, she ordered another meal.

Dean found a park nearby. If Artemis liked the wilderness, the Winchester would go where she saw trees. The park was the most obvious choice. She wandered out into the outskirts of the park and set about making her own altar. She produced a salad bowl she had purchased and set it down on a clear spot in the ground. Then, she placed the hamburger and fries within it. She lit a few un-scented tea light candles and placed them around the hamburger. To complete her offering, she set Artemis' silver deer pin on top of the burger.

"Artemis," Dean began. She didn't know how to talk to her without letting her loathing seep into her voice, but she tried. "Artemis, I summon you. Hear my prayers, please. I got your pin here. I got you a burger. I just need to talk. Come on, Artemis."

_Come on._

"Please."

She didn't come.

* * *

"Dean, this isn't funny. Pick up your damn phone. Where the hell are you?" Sam left yet another message. He'd spent the morning running around town looking for his sibling. He checked the bar, the laundromat, the nearest diner, and pretty much every other place he was able to walk to. Dean wasn't anywhere. Sam was upset, worried, and furious all at once. Dean didn't usually take off on his own. Dean always needed Sam. It was crushing to think that his sibling had cast him aside. Not only that, but she was also possibly drunk or hungover, driving around town.

Sam decided to return to the hotel in case Dean returned. She wasn't there, so Sam settled down on the bed and tried his last option. He wove his hands together in prayer. "Castiel? Can you hear me? It's Sam. I've kinda got a problem here. Dean's gone. I don't know where he went and she – he – won't talk to me. He won't return my calls," Sam explained. He was getting a little confused with how to talk about Dean, who was both male and female at the same time. "Also, he might be drunk or hungover. Could you please watch over her? Just make sure he's okay, would ya? If you can, bring her back. Thanks, Cas."

After her failure at the park, Dean had pocketed the deer pin and gone back to the Impala. She saw she had twelve missed calls, but was too tired to call Sam back. She would call him back after a short nap, she decided. The short nap she took in the car lasted for three and a half hours. She woke up groggy and with impressions of leather on her face. "Aw, shit. Sam," she murmured. With great reluctance, she dialed her brother. "Hey, bro!"

"Go fuck yourself," Sam answered with uncharacteristic meanness.

"Sammy," Dean cried. She wasn't used to her brother talking to her like that. His harshness was so unexpected that it threw her for a loop.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"I just had to run some errands. Get some stuff," Dean said. "Then I got something to eat and fell asleep. I lost track of time."

Sam groaned, "Whatever, Dean."

"I'm on my way back now."

Sam hung up on her and Dean stared at her phone. She was sullen and not looking forward to facing Sam. She started to drive back anyway. When she parked at the hotel, she stared at their room, unable to force her legs to walk towards the door. She knew there wasn't any beer left, so she wandered off on one last errand. Dean walked to the liquor store, which was quite far, and perused its shiny aisles with little regard for how much time she took. If she was going to face Sam, she would need a drink. Actually, whether or not she went back, she was probably going to need a drink. She settled on something stronger than beer and walked without any rush back in the direction of the hotel.

By this time, it was already getting dark. Apparently, as a young, beautiful woman who was walking alone at night with a concealed bottle in her hand, she was of interest. She passed a couple of young men that catcalled her as she passed because she was attractive and, in their minds, looked like the type that 'liked to have fun.' She looked wild, like a girl that chases guys in bands and can't remember most of the nights she has. The men (boys, really) had no idea that she was far more than either of them could handle. Dean completely ignored them.

"Hey! We're talking to you!"

"Hey, girl!"

Dean stopped. She turned around to reveal a countenance baring a tough, humorless expression. She had just been called a 'girl' by a couple of fools that weren't fit to lick her boots. "Hey," she said right back. "I've got a gun, and I'm in a bad mood."

She pulled back her jacket to show them how dead serious she was. When they saw that she had a killer inside her, they were torn between proposing marriage to Dean and pissing their pants. The Winchester watched with a laugh in her eyes as the pair of men scurried away like vermin, too afraid to even apologize.

"Punks," She clenched her jaw and resumed her walk to the hotel. Deciding that now was as good a time as any for her drink, she opened the bottle in the paper bag she was carrying and took a couple of sips from it like it was a bottle of Coke. The amber liquid burned down her throat, giving her a familiar comfort. Dean had to be prepared for the yelling Sammy was probably going to give her. She was almost at the door and decided to take another quick drink before stepping inside.

The bottle was pulled out of her hands. If it had been anyone other than Castiel that had taken away her whiskey, Dean might have decked that person out cold. Her lips cracked into a toothy grin as she watched him begin to drink directly from the bottle as she had done.

"Cas, baby, if you wanted a drink, all you had to do was ask. You scared the crap out of me," Dean teased. The amusement in her face began to fade when she realized that he was drinking rather quickly and did not seem intent on stopping any time soon. "Hey, slow down. Cas? Stop it!" Half of the bottle was gone. "What are you doing? Stop! That's for me, you bastard! Don't drink it all! Son of a bitch!"

Cas made a face when he was done drinking the bottle and then dropped it as Dean forcefully pushed him against the brick wall of the hotel. She clutched the front of his shirt with fury. "You fucker! Why'd you go and do that? I just bought that! That was for me! I was gonna drink that, you crazy, selfish prick!"

At times like this, Castiel made no sense to her. She decided she would get whatever she could while it was fresh on his lips. Dean gave Castiel a deep, angry kiss to have a taste of the drinks that had been meant for her. Her tongue brushed along the inside of his mouth. Castiel felt headier from her mouth against his than he did from having downed an almost entirely full bottle of whiskey. His pleasure was short-lived because she pulled apart from him and slammed him roughly into the wall. Castiel would have liked to have shoved her right back, but he refrained.

"What's your problem? That wasn't funny," she growled. Dean had a goddess deciding what sex she had to be and now she had Castiel controlling her drinking habits. She was livid. "You're not my mom, damn it. I'm just going to get more, you know."

Castiel was breathless. When the woman tried to walk away, the angel reached out to grab her wrist. He held her firmly in place, setting her off yet again. "Cas. You better let go of me right now. I am not playin', angel."

"Everything I do is for you," Castiel answered gruffly. Just yesterday, the angel had spent countless hours watching over her sick, drunken body. After hearing Sam's prayers, he'd spent half of the day watching Dean stumble around town with a hangover. She was finally sobering up, and looking to correct that with a bottle of whiskey. Castiel just wanted to see her for one night when she wasn't drunk or hungover. He didn't want to see her get ill again. For the life of him, he didn't know why she couldn't understand. Cas held on to her because he was afraid she would go hurt herself again if he let go.

She laughed in his face.

"Yeah, right." She tugged her wrist to try to free herself, but Cas was unyielding. Again, she asserted, "Let go."

"I just want to help."

"Blow me, Cas." Her face set into a mean expression. If he really loved her, she thought, Castiel would let her do what she wanted. Instead, he was lording over her like every other supernatural thing liked to do. She misinterpreted the distressed, befuddled look the man bestowed upon her. _Oh, I get it._

"Just tell me what I can do," Castiel pleaded pitifully. He was willing to do anything for her as long as it didn't cause her harm.

"Do me," she proposed, much to his surprise. She had stopped struggling.

"What?"

"You heard me. That's what you've always wanted, isn't it?" Dean said. "That's why you won't let me go. Well, come on, lover boy. You, me, the Impala, right now."

The bewildered man couldn't look at his friend. He didn't know how to clarify his intentions and he was terrified of her proposition. Of course he wanted Dean in every possible sense, but not necessarily like this. Had he been facing any being other than Dean, Castiel might have vanished in that instant, but he just could not leave her side. Even when she was confusing and horrible, he wanted to stay with her.

"I'm not hearing a 'no,'" Dean smirked. If she wasn't going to be allowed to drink all her problems away, she wanted to be screwed until she didn't care about anything at all. She had gone without sex for too long and now was as good of a time as any to remedy that. Castiel followed when he was pulled along and he sat obediently in the back seat of the car as the woman settled down on top of him.

Her ire gave her a passionate edge. She kissed him roughly, like she had something to prove, and pulled on his clothing forcefully. Castiel was easily dominated. He responded with kisses much sweeter than hers. She bit his lip and tore off his tie, making the angel gasp. She exposed his chest and sucked his neck as she tweaked his nipple. "Do you like that, Cas?" she whispered. Then, she commanded, "Put your hands on me."

Castiel's trembling hands settled over her waist and were lowered down her body by the woman herself. Dean's temper subsided as she rolled her hips over Castiel's clothed erection. Her breath hitched and she repeated the motion. She hadn't expected the action to feel so good. Castiel melted into the car seat as she moved against him and adored him with ardent kisses. He felt his body flush when her fingers stroked the back of his neck.

She moaned and writhed into him. Dean slid her hands beneath his shirt to claw into his back, which caused him to arch into her. She pulled him close and pushed off his clothing to sink her teeth into his shoulder. Castiel made a muffled sound that fueled her excitement.

"Aw, fuck," she panted. In frustration, she slowed her body. "I forgot. I still have my period. Fuck!"

 _Of course_ , she thought, _I can't have anything I want._

Castiel was too drunk with arousal to make sense of what she said. He had never known that feelings of terror and pleasure could mix together so well. He nuzzled his face into her chest and pulled her closer with lusty handfuls of her ass. A shiver travelled through her body and she cried out in a soft voice, "I wanna fuck you so bad."

She kissed Castiel's forehead, then his cheek and his chin. She promised, "As soon as I'm done with this period, baby, I am gonna take such good care of you."

Castiel leaned back to get a look into her fiery emerald eyes. At last, Cas understood what she meant by 'baby.' It was something good. It was something he wanted to hear again.

"You beautiful bastard. Don't look at me like that," Dean hissed. She hastily unbuckled Castiel's belt to get into his pants. Even if she wasn't going to get screwed tonight, she would at least jerk off her angel. When she felt over his blue boxers, she found that she was too late. She felt warm with delight, " _Cas_. Mmm, you're making this girl blush, man."

"B-Be careful!" Castiel cried softly as her fingers moved over him. Two of her digits traveled across his spent shaft, causing the angel to whimper. When she brought her fingers to her lips to lick his essence, Castiel could have fainted. He was so stunned that he froze beneath her.

The look on his face was priceless. Dean felt an enormous sense of satisfaction from having reduced Cas into nothing. She was a flame atop him that melted everything inside of him with a grin on her face and curses on her lips. When she spoke to him, she only managed to destroy him more.

"I've been thinkin' about you," She admitted.

"You have?" Castiel replied weakly. The simple statement meant the world to him. Castiel always thought about Dean, but the angel had no idea how very different their thoughts about each other were.

"Yeah. I decided something," She said. "You're a virgin, right? And I'm a virgin. At least in this body. We should de-virginize each other. Pronto."

"Dean…" Castiel sighed his partner's name with such emotion that it warmed Dean from the inside. She knew her proposal was special, but she hadn't expected Cas to be so delighted by it. He entreated her shyly, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing, "You mean… you mean you want to make love to me?"

"God damn it, Cas." She grabbed him tightly into a fierce hug. He was so precious it almost hurt to be around him. Of course he had to say it like that, like she had just offered him the whole world.

"Why?" he whispered. "Why me?"

"Because it has to be you, stupid," Dean grumbled. "Who else would it be, but you?"

Castiel's arms encircled her waist. Neither of them could remember how they had ended up in the Impala in the first place, or that they had fought. Dean just wanted to take off all her clothes to rest against Castiel's warm skin, but the car was too exposed for that. "I wanna sleep here with you," Dean murmured. She didn't have an atom within her that wanted to budge from Castiel's lap.

"Then do it," he whispered back.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean obsesses over his conquest for Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter more or less explains why this entire fic is called "Dirty Blonde." ;)
> 
> Also, this chapter is super long! I hope you can get through it all. Thank you for reading.

"Tell me what's wrong," The angel said after a long while. Dean had been resting on top of Castiel in a silence that seemed to have turned grim. He knew there was a reason why she drank and that there were things she kept to herself that she didn't have to. In the safety of the Impala and his arms, he hoped Dean could open up.

"I can't. You wouldn't get it."

"I'm not stupid."

She sat back and looked down at the angel with a tiny scowl. "Well, if you're going to be a douche about it…" Dean considered how to express her issues. Explaining things wasn't something she was particularly good at doing. She grasped her breasts and said, "I can feel these. I know they're on my body, a part of my body, but they don't make sense."

Castiel looked down and then tried to focus back up on her face. Dean continued, "I'm feeling stuff… or _not_ feeling stuff… that I can't even explain. That I'm not used to."

"I understand."

"How can you – ?" Dean cut herself short because Castiel was right. The angel wasn't the one that was stupid. It took the woman a few seconds, but then she remembered that tiny detail about Castiel not really being human. A human body must have felt to Castiel what a female body felt to Dean. In the darkness, their eyes locked.

"The most important thing about any being is the soul," Castiel said. "You'll always have that, Dean."

He spoke with the words of a man committed to doing his all to protect Dean's soul. It was implicit that as long as Castiel lived, Dean's soul would have a guardian. The wisdom of his words made Dean feel petty. She knew the value of the heart, mind, and soul better than most humans. Whether Castiel and Dean were women or men, humans, angels, or anything else, they would have the same cores and they would always be attached to each other. That thought gave her immense comfort.

"Would you show me your feathers some day?" Dean grinned.

"Maybe." Castiel looked away from her and decided to change the subject. "What happened to your hair?"

Her hands shot up to her short blond spikes. "You don't like it?"

"I do," he answered. He hesitated before reaching up to put his fingers through her hair. For an instant he thought of Dean's male body and face. Castiel meant what he said about Dean's soul, but he had also always desperately wanted to touch the man's hair. The angel had already memorized the feel of her long flowing waves and he enjoyed having the opportunity to let his fingers learn something new. "It suits you."

Dean pulled Castiel into a kiss that she hoped was so intense that the angel's soul felt it. She gently pushed him so that he was lying down across the seat of the car and continued to lavish him with her lips.

* * *

Sam had noticed the Impala outside. He'd gone to check if Dean was out by it, but she wasn't. He gave up and began to watch TV, that was, until he heard a bottle breaking outside of the door. He peered out of the window in time to watch Dean aggressively shove Castiel into the Impala. The car rocked gently with the two bodies within it. "Are you serious?"

Not desiring to see any more, Sam hurried away from the curtains. If she was feeling well enough to ride Cas in the backseat of the Impala, he didn't need to worry about her. Wistfully, he realized just how much he needed to get laid. If only he could find a nice girl that wouldn't die or try to start the apocalypse soon after coming into contact with his dick. Sam sighed. He could write a book about his sex life and it would probably be called something like _Sam Winchester Problems_ , or simply _The Cursed Penis_.

He was wondering if there was a god he could pray to that would help him with his problem when the door opened. The pair stood in the doorway, looking exactly like they'd been all over each other only seconds ago. "Hey guys."

"Sam – "

"It's cool. Don't worry about it."

"I was just – "

"Yeah, I know," Sam cut her off. "You 'lost track of time.'"

Dean narrowed her eyes. Meanwhile, Castiel looked like he wanted to escape. His face was full of a bashful kind of guilt. "Why you gotta be like that, Sammy?" Dean began. "I came back, didn't I? I can take care of myself! I'm an adult!"

Sam grinned and ran a hand over his face. "I said it's cool. Now I know how you felt that time I ran off on you all those years ago. It sucks, but I probably deserve it."

The younger Winchester was trying to approach the situation with fairness. In their history, it was true that Sam had run away far more often than Dean ever had. As a matter of fact, Sam had trouble remembering a single time when his brother had left him high and dry. Sam understood why his sibling would want time alone, so he didn't press the issue.

"There is an explanation though. Funny story, I went off to get some beer and then I run into this guy – "

"Dean. You were screwing Cas."

"Sammy! Don't talk like that in front of him!" She gasped and turned to look at Castiel, but saw nothing but the empty parking lot. "Son of a bitch."

"I saw you guys, so don't worry. You don't have to explain."

"I wasn't screwin' Cas!" Dean exclaimed. She shut the door. "I was _dry humping_ Cas. There's a big difference."

"I don't even know how to talk to you anymore." Sam sat down on his bed and collected his thoughts. He was going to have to get used to the idea that his sibling was dead set on pursuing his only other friend. "I'm like a third wheel now."

"Sorry."

"It's alright. So tell me what happened. When's the big day?" Sam asked.

"Geez, it's not like that," Dean answered. She settled down in a chair and decided to get serious with Sam. "It's like this. You ever notice something that you've never noticed before even though it was right in front of your face the whole time? Then it seems like it's obvious, right? So obvious."

Sam had never really had that experience because he tended to be far more honest about what he wanted. When he had wanted a bad demon girl, he didn't let his brother or anyone else stop him from wanting her. Even with his curse, he probably would not be able to resist the next woman that really caught his attention.

"Who else am I gonna screw? I'm a virgin chick over here, right? It just makes sense," Dean thought out loud. "I mean, I could go lesbo since I still like women, but I'm just used to straight sex. Me 'n Cas would be straight sex. And you _know_ that guy needs to get laid. You've seen him. I might be his only chance of ever getting any. It's the friendly thing to do, to do it together. So I said to him, hey, we oughta de-virginize each other."

"Is that what you said to him? Like that?" Sam deadpanned.

"Yeah, why not?"

"You're such a romantic."

"I'm telling you, Sammy. When I get done with this period, I'm gonna learn things a man's got no right to know. But it's okay, because it'll be with Cas," She smiled to herself with perverse satisfaction. The whole thing was so kinky it almost made her grateful that she'd been turned into a woman. She was going to learn what it felt like from a woman's perspective. "It's gonna be awesome."

* * *

The next morning was far calmer than the last one. Dean had taken Sam out to breakfast to get whatever he wanted as an apology. Sam didn't know what to do with his sibling anymore. "So, what? You don't want to get turned back into a man now?"

"Not yet. I gotta lay Cas first," Dean said with a spark in her eye. "By the way, how long do you think a period lasts?"

"Didn't you look this stuff up? Why do you always ask me about women stuff?" Sam complained. Before Dean had turned female, Sam had never been respected as any sort of fount of knowledge on women. "It's like a week, I think."

Dean counted on her fingers. "So I've been a chick for, what four, five days? And I've had a period almost that entire time. It's got to end soon."

"Okay. So, after you and Cas do it… Then you want to turn back into a man?" Sam's eyebrows shot up.

"Of course!"

Sam didn't think Dean realized the inherent issue with what she was proposing, but he knew very well that his opinion wouldn't matter. Talking about the bigger picture would probably be considered 'Girl Talk' and would cause Dean to shut down. At least her obsession over Castiel had filled the hole of the depression she had been sinking into. It wasn't really Sam's place to tell her what to do anyway. "What do we do in the mean time?"

"Same thing we always do, Pinky," Dean grinned.

"Try to take over the world?"

That day, they set out to do what they had intended to do before Dean's unfortunate run-in with an unwanted sex change. There was a house in town with a mysterious death toll attached to it that they needed to settle. Dean was irritated that their job had been sidetracked for so long by her female dilemma, but she was going to put an end to that digression now. She was going to hunt things and protect people like her soul demanded of her.

They researched the history of the house, talked to a few relatives and friends of the victims, and planned to hit up the cemetery as soon as night fell. When she was back in her natural element of the night, shoveling furiously under the light of the stars with the threat of the supernatural urging her on, she was ecstatic. In no time she was sweaty, caked with dirt, and pumped full of adrenaline.

"Nothin' like the smell of burning bones in the mornin', huh, Sammy?"

The large white grin on her face was more than a little bit unnerving. The younger Winchester could never match her drive to carry out the 'family business.' The very marrow of her bones was filled with the conviction to viciously defend humankind no matter how high the price or how messy the job became. Sam was glad this particular case was resolved easily and without any incident. "We need to get moving."

"Agreed."

They didn't even bother going back to the hotel. They had spent too much time there already. The FBI and the IRS could catch them at any moment for their long list of violations, including their most recent grave desecration. Dean's case had held them back for longer than was safe for them. They drove without caring where they were going.

When Dean began to have trouble keeping her eyes open, they settled into the nearest cheap motel. While Sam got himself settled in, he noticed an odd habit Dean seemed to have picked up. He kept a curious eye and ear open as he picked through some Chinese take-out.

In a gesture very much unlike her, Dean clasped her hands together in prayer. In a soft voice, she muttered, "Cas, just a friendly reminder that this period is gonna be gone any day now. And, buddy, when it is, I am gonna screw you so hard you'll be missing feathers. Amen."

She made the sign of the cross over her chest.

"Dean!" Sam cried from behind the woman. He was completely scandalized. "Are you talking dirty to Cas – in a _prayer_?"

Dean turned around and shot Sam a look. _So what?_ She gave him a slight shrug. "How else am I supposed to do it? Dude doesn't have a cell phone."

Sam made a few incredulous sounds that expressed his astonishment because he momentarily lacked the capacity for speech. "You're going to scare the crap out of that poor angel. Maybe you shouldn't…"

Dean looked at him like he had just donned a rainbow afro. "Why? Because it's not 'proper?' Sammy, it's nature, okay? Do you think when a male lion out in the safari talks dirty to the girl lion that she turns around and goes, 'Whoa, Simba. Cut it out. That's inappropriate. I'm a lady'? No! Because it's nature."

Sam was flabbergasted for a variety of reasons. For one, he didn't think he could ever watch _The Lion King_ again. He was also pretty sure his brother had just called Cas a girl lion. "How do you know lions talk dirty to each other?"

Dean seemed so sure of herself. "What else could all that growling be about?"

"You're crazy, Dean."

"Listen, Sam. Cas knows who I am. He knows the kind of heat I bring," Dean explained. "In any case, I'm pretty sure it would be more cruel to leave Cas in the dark. You think that guy would survive the greatest fuck of his life if he got sent down river without a paddle?"

 _Oh, Cas. What did you get yourself into?_ Sam looked up to the ceiling with sympathy and silent apologies.

"I've had it up to here with all the 'ladylike' bullshit. People just made that up. People just made up what's 'proper' too. I've gotta prepare Cas for what's comin' to him. I'm watching out for him 'cause he's my angel."

Sam opened his mouth and then closed it. Dean was right, of course, but Sam still thought she could be slightly more delicate about it. What was 'appropriate' had flown out the window a long time ago. Having sex with an angel at all was probably too risqué for most of society. "Well, just be gentle. He's the king of all virgins you know."

"I'll work some gentle in there," Dean grinned.

* * *

The next day was a bright and sunny one. Sam nudged the woman out of bed, offering her a fresh donut and a cup of coffee. He sat down and took a big bite out of an apple as he flipped through the local newspaper. He figured he would check out the area, in case something unusual was going down.

"Aw, this is sad," Sam remarked.

"What is?" Dean perked up instantly.

"Puppy Mill," Sam frowned.

"You and your dogs," Dean rolled her eyes. "Get back to me when you find something we can work on."

Dean licked the powered sugar from her fingers after she finished her donut. When Sam sat up alert, she leaned forward. "Sammy, tell me it's something interesting. I need a real challenge. C'mon!"

"How do you feel about three exsanguinated corpses?" Sam asked, "It says here the bodies were bone dry with 'unusual bite marks.'"

"You had me at 'exsanguinated,'" Dean smirked, "Time to roll some heads."

Vampires were in town, which meant it was Dean Winchester's Christmas Day. They searched for information about where the bloodsuckers were hiding with a purpose because Dean was so thrilled about getting to 'gank' something. Apparently, she had yet to meet her Gank Quota for the month. She sharpened her knife and machete in anticipation for a good fight. At the same time, her heart was filled with a serious, hardened edge. Another person had gone missing and it was entirely possible it was too late to hope for her survival.

Their investigation led them to an old barn full of rusty tools and rank smells. It was the typical vampire dump. Sam and Dean were both on edge – but the woman especially so. She knew her body wasn't as strong as her male body had been, but she made up for it by having twice the ferocity. The viciousness in her face surpassed that of the first vampire that attacked. She snarled, slashed, and punched the female vampire that flew at her. Dean had no mercy and sliced off her head with remarkable dexterity in the first opening she got.

A furious male vampire that had seen it all shouted at Dean, "You cunt!"

He barreled into Dean, slamming her into the wall of the barn in a manner that was sure to leave a bruise. The wind was knocked out of her lungs, but she kept her blade forcefully pressed against his chest. Sam watched with horror, momentarily distracted, which left him open to an assault by another vampire. He was only thinking about Dean as he fought the creature on top of him.

"That your girlfriend?" Dean wheezed, as the vampire spilled his own blood as he tried to overpower her.

"I am going to drain you just enough so you won't put up a fight," He threatened wrathfully, getting spittle on her blood-splattered face. "Then I'm going to lick – "

He couldn't finish his sentence because Dean had rammed a knife six-inches deep between his ribs. Without hesitation, she twisted the knife and felt great satisfaction as she heard him crack inside. She should have severed his head in that moment, but instead, she stabbed his throat, slicing through his vocal cords, to keep him from ever uttering another word to her. Then, she stabbed his heart and his lungs heaving laborious breaths. "When you're rotting in Hell remember that a Winchester put you there," she growled, "and that we _always_ put up a fight."

After she divided his head from his shoulders, she collected her knife and jumped to action to protect Sam. She drove her machete through the spine of the bloodsucker upon him, which allowed Sam to chop off its head. They both leaped to readiness and looked around the barn, expecting more. Sam had already taken care of one before Dean had been able to free herself. "Where's the rest?" she huffed.

"I think there were only four."

"Only _four_?" She gnashed her teeth together, clearly disappointed. Her body was hurting, but she didn't care. She heard a muffled sound and ran to it.

"It's the missing person!" Sam gasped. She was still alive, but only just barely.

Dean pulled back her lips to check for extra teeth. When she found none, she lifted her up carefully. With Sam's assistance they took her to the car and drove her to the hospital. There was blood everywhere. In their haste to get the victim medical attention, they hadn't taken the time to clean themselves of the blood. Dean had to stop by the side of the road. While Sam used the rag first, Dean stared down at her reddened hands. It shouldn't have felt so good, but it did. She had a moment in which she desired to lick the blood off her fingers, but she knew very well that vampire blood was toxic. It was filth, just like the creatures from which it came. She wiped off her hands and her blades with the rag. Dean carefully removed her buttoned-up shirt so that she was only clad in a tight t-shirt. "You okay?" She asked of Sam.

"Yeah, you?"

"Yeah."

The discomfort in her bones began to fade as she drove back to the motel. Suddenly, a neon sign caught her eye and she pulled the Impala over quickly. Dean parked at a Walgreens. She didn't say anything to Sam. He turned to her, puzzled, "Why'd you stop? Did you get hurt or something?"

"Uh," Dean pulled out the keys of the car. "Just hang out here for a second. I'll be right back. You don't need anything, do you?"

"No. I'm good. Hang on! You've got blood on you," Sam called out as Dean opened the car door. He reached over and wiped a stray splatter off her face. Sam's eyes followed her as she wandered into the store. Less than five minutes later, she climbed back into the car holding a box. Sam waited for the explanation.

Dean hesitated before opening her mouth. She was a little bit distressed when she spoke. "They don't sell the pill? All I could find is this – some 'morning after' crap. Does this shit even work?"

"I don't know," Sam answered, wide-eyed. How his sibling could think about sex after the fight they'd just had was beyond him. There was something about this female version of Dean that was almost more terrifying than the male Dean had been. She didn't fight the same way. If it was possible, she had more anger. Sam thought sex and violence didn't belong together in the mind of any kind of person that wasn't a complete psychopath. Sitting beside her, Sam felt very uneasy.

"Where am I supposed to get the pill?" Dean asked.

It took Sam a moment to understand what she was asking. Sam concentrated, thinking back to his days in college. "Oh! Um, Planned Parenthood? They do that kind of thing."

"Huh."

After they had been driving for a minute, Sam worked up the courage to ask her if everything was fine. She raised an eyebrow at him, and answered him with a stern voice, "I already told you I was okay."

Her only thoughts about their evening were positive ones. The four monsters they had killed wouldn't be able to kill again. The scum of the earth was lessened, if only slightly, and a girl was probably going to live because of them. If she didn't, there was a good chance she would get into Heaven where she could live out her best memories for the rest of eternity. More important than all of those things, Dean had proven to herself that she could still hunt.

When they got back to the motel she got into the shower first because she was the dirtiest. She shouldn't have, but she thought about Cas as soon as her body was wet. If he slammed her into a wall as the vampire had done, she would be thrilled. A grin spread over her face at the thought of the sweet angel laying a forceful hand upon her. She knew it was in him because he had done it before. At the time, her male self had been depressed and furious, but a part of him had known that he deserved being punched. He had deserved being roughed around.

She didn't want Castiel to hit her, but she did like the idea of him expressing command over her because it meant that he had emotion. The angel's expressions of authority were a sign of his passion and of the attachment that was reserved solely for Dean. It was something Dean had always liked, even though he buried his consciousness of that fact deep within himself.

Once she was clean, she sunk down into the bathtub and stared at the faucet. She wasn't entirely fond of baths because a bath usually involved stewing in one's filth, but she was feeling appropriately filthy of mind so she let the tub fill. She had a few things to figure out about her body before she got her opportunity to share it with Cas. She had an enormous streak of sexual curiosity. _Dean, you're sick. You're sick and you're going to Hell._

* * *

Dean woke up on her stomach with her drooling face plastered into her pillow. She had slept strangely well. The pain of her body had subsided almost completely. She turned her face to Sam, who was still sleeping. Casually, she glanced down at her body. _Still female_.

Dean never knew what to expect. Sometimes she believed that she would wake up to find out that everything had been a dream. But, just like yesterday, she still had to pee sitting down and she still had to put on a bra first thing in the morning. She stared at herself in the mirror, "Hey, Barbie."

Turning into a woman had been unpleasant for many reasons, but most horrifying of all was that Dean could get pregnant. Just the thought of it made her insides churn. Yesterday, she had realized that in all her excitement to sleep with Cas, she had overlooked how she was going to deal with her pesky ability to conceive life. She decided she needed to take care of it as soon as possible, preferably using the most effective method available. If there had been surgeons at the super market, she would have gotten her tubes tied. Instead, she made a call to Planned Parenthood as soon as Sam had woken up to help advise her.

"Hello. Yeah, I'm calling because I want the implant. You know, the birth control implant. How much does that cost? Whoa, what? $1,000? _With_ insurance? No, I don't have insurance. Okay, well, how much is the pill?" _Why is this so complicated?_ Dean frowned as she listened. "I don't have a prescription. I just need something now. I have to make an appointment to get a what? A pap smear?"

Dean looked up at Sam flabbergasted and shrugged. _Sammy, what's a pap smear?_ Her frown only deepened as she considered the words of the woman on the other line. _Pap smear, pap smear… Why does that sound so familiar? What does that have to do with the pill?_ She kept looking at Sam, motioning to him to provide her with some help. Her little brother took the laptop and Googled it for her. He found a diagram explaining exactly what it was and showed it to Dean.

"Holy Mother! I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to call you back." Dean hung up and stared at Sam. "What the hell is that?"

That wasn't what she wanted. All she wanted was a simple little packet of pills. Dean's quest to have sex without getting pregnant turned out to be far more difficult than she had anticipated. If Dean ran the country, vending machines would be selling Yaz, IUD's would be free, and condoms would arrive in the mail. There wouldn't be a need for abortions because more than half of the country would probably be sterile. "This is bullshit! It's like the universe doesn't want me to have sex."

"Just wear a condom. I mean, have Cas wear one," Sam suggested.

"I guess," She sighed. Dean folded her arms over her chest and pouted. That was the option she wanted to avoid because her body was fresh and Cas was a virgin. All she wanted was to avoid babies. At the moment, she didn't like her uterus one bit. "Is this why so many chicks won't put out?"

"Uhh…" Sam looked away from Dean. He focused on the computer, closing the window of the pap smear because it was starting to make him uncomfortable. The entire situation was bizarre. Neither of the Winchesters had ever needed to think about these issues very deeply. They were the mysterious aspects of womanhood that got resolved without them ever having to worry about them too much. "It's not that big a deal, man. You wear condoms normally, don't you?"

"Yeah, yeah," Dean looked out of the top corner of her eye – the tale-tale sign of a liar. "Most of the time…"

Sam scrunched his nose. "Ugh, Dean. You better hope Artemis gives you a fresh male body when you get changed back."

Dean quirked her eyebrow at Sam and shrugged her shoulders. Manslut indeed.

They spent the rest of the day taking it easy. They both needed clean clothes, especially since they had gotten vampire blood all over each other the night before. Over the years, the Winchesters had perfected getting tough stains out of their clothing, or at least making them look as faint as possible. Their laundry was usually the stuff of horrors – caked with dirt, sweat, and blood. As their clothing spun around in machines at the laundromat, they shared sodas and sandwiches while listening to the radio. Sam found an abandoned magazine and began to read it to Dean with amusement. Her horoscope suggested that she should branch out from her usual routines.

"What's my usual routine, Sammy?"

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "Hunting things?"

"Alright, no hunting for a whole day. Done."

Dean kept to her word and accompanied Sam to a historical house that had been turned into a museum. While Sam absorbed the culture and history, Dean could only wonder if it was haunted. They took a walk through the park after, sharing an uncommon feeling of relaxation. Dean loved hunting with Sam, but doing nothing and not worrying about anything supernatural was also surprisingly perfect. At one point, she leapt up and wrapped her arms around her brother's neck and brought him down to her level.

"What're you doin'?" Sam chuckled.

"Just checking something," Dean grinned. "How the hell do you manage to make out with anyone? I'm pretty tall for a chick and you're still a monster in comparison."

Sam made a face and squirmed, "Cut it out."

"You know who was the perfect height for ladies?" Dean pointed at herself. "Me."

"Yeah, 'perfect' is a word I always associate with you."

"You know what's funny?"

"You clinging to me like a schoolgirl in public?"

"Your hair is longer than a chick's." Dean released Sam only after ruffling his mass of hair like he was a little boy. She ran off to look for something else to entertain herself as Sam followed behind her, neurotically trying to comb his dark, flowing locks back into place. From the distance, Sam heard Dean remark, "Damn hippy."

That night the Winchesters decided to check out a restaurant they had seen an ad for at the laundromat. It turned out to have an atmosphere more romantic than either of them liked, but the food was incredible. They ate so much delicious, heavy fare that they slept like babies.

* * *

"Sam. Sammy…"

Sam's eyes slid open slowly. He cried out and moved back into the headboard of his bed when he noticed his sister was sitting right next to him. She had been watching him sleep. "What? What are you doing in my bed?"

"My period's gone. Sammy, my period is gone," She smiled like a blonde maniac. "It's gone!"

"I-I'm happy for you?"

"I got another room. Don't call me for at least two days. I'll be on a sexcation."

"A – A what?"

"Sexcation," Dean sighed with impatience when Sam didn't catch her meaning. "Sex plus vacation? A vacation that involves having a lot of sex, and, well, nothing else."

Sam pulled the sheets over his body and made a face. He was hearing too much for his sanity. "Just go! Geez, already. And don't forget the condoms. Don't get pregnant."

The door seemed to shut even before Sam had finished his final sentence. The younger Winchester collapsed back into bed and attempted to go back to sleep. _Oh, Brother._ Meanwhile, Dean drove like a demon to the mall. She wasn't much for ceremony or romance, but this was Cas. This was her new virginity being given away, so she was going to make a little more effort to make it more special than a casual fuck. A part of her was excited not just because she was going to get laid, but also because the fates had given her a second chance.

The first time Dean had lost his virginity it had been to the first girl willing to have sex with him. It was so long ago and it hadn't really meant very much to him. Like so many boys, he had only wanted to boast and move on. This time, Dean had a chance to pretend like she was in a fairy tale of some kind. She had carefully selected the person that deserved to touch her for the first time. Castiel wasn't just 'some girl' and Dean wasn't a boy anymore.

She decided she was going to look her absolute best because Cas deserved it. Her first stop was the lingerie shop. At first, she was a little shy about going in, like a middle-aged man caught alone in the wrong section of the store that was either looking for his wife or pretending like he was lost. When she realized everything was meant for her, she barreled in like a kid in a candy store. _It's all so beautiful._ Surrounded by lace, satin, silk, thongs, bras, and panties that were okay for her to like, Dean felt naughty and overjoyed. She felt like a deep undercover agent.

Every time she looked at herself in the mirror in the fitting room, she was shocked by her own sex appeal. In the secrecy of the velvet room, she rocked out in undergarments of every hue. With a grin that had lasted the entire day, she told herself, "I would so fuck me."

"Hey, Can I ask you something?" Dean asked the cashier as she checked out. She tilted her head. "You think I need a haircut? Like, does this look kinda messed up to you?"

"It's very…unique," The woman answered.

Dean ran to the hairdresser, who fixed her hair. The man working on her commended her for her courage in trying to set her own style, but he suggested that maybe next time she should leave it to the pros. The man was so amused by Dean's energy that he styled her hair for free. "Thanks, Paulo."

The more she anticipated seeing Cas, the less she was able to contain herself. Honestly, it was getting to be a little ridiculous. She couldn't explain why she was so happy. She had to get through a large department store to get to the Impala, which was like one long obstacle course meant to trap women. She got offered samples of fragrances, a few of which she pocketed. Then, she was beckoned by the sirens of the makeup counters who had colors perfect for her skin tone and products on sale. _The hell is this? Stop talking to me, bitches._

"Hello, there! I love your hair," One of the sirens smiled, and successfully trapped Dean.

"Who me? Aw, uh, thanks," The Winchester grinned and touched her new fabulous hair. All incarnations of Dean were vulnerable to flattery.

"I can do your make up for you, if you want," The woman that addressed her was a little bit portly with a sleek long brown bob and gentle blue eyes. Dean considered it.

"I dunno… I've never… I've never worn makeup before." Her thoughts were conflicting. _Would Cas like it? I like makeup on chicks, don't I?_ Recently _,_ Dean had been so consumed with her new female body and her obsession over Castiel that she was starting to forget about what she used to think about. She wondered,if she put on makeup, would that make her gay? It seemed like a very gay thing to do. When she realized she'd spent most of her day fantasizing about a man and buying underwear, she decided she didn't care and sat in the chair. "Okay, I'll try it."

First, a brush passed across her cheeks and nose with incredible gentleness. Somewhere along male Dean's lifetime, he had been coached into believing that doing anything 'like a girl' was not-so-subtle code for being weak, incompetent, or somehow less important. Now that he was a woman, at her core, she understood that all of that thinking was completely unfounded. All the makeup in the universe could not turn Dean into anything other than a badass.

Dean liked that the woman wasn't pushy with selling her things. She made idle friendly chatter like they'd been friends for ages. She peppered Dean with compliments that were probably intended to butter her up, and yet, she seemed sincere. "You have such beautiful skin," She remarked, "And the cutest freckles."

"Thanks," Dean blushed. It was so strange to have a woman talk to her like this. This woman had no idea Dean was really a man. She wondered about how ordinary women talked to each other, and tried to emulate what she thought a woman would say. 'Liz,' as the pin on her chest identified her, thought Dean was amazing for having the courage to forgo makeup for her entire life. As she attended Dean, she got to talking about how she put on makeup as soon as she got up in the mornings so that she could fool her boyfriend into thinking that she was always beautiful. It was meant as a joke, but Dean thought her story was the most depressing shit she'd heard all day.

 _Her boyfriend must be an a-hole if she thinks she has to do that._ Dean was a little bit pissed that such things happened. Men never thought like that. They woke up in the mornings feeling like they ruled the world, because they did. Dean rated Liz highly for being a tender soul with a patient disposition. This Liz character may not have had the most beautiful face, but she had a body that was voluptuous.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Yeah, actually. He's an angel," Dean answered without even thinking. Immediately after the words left her mouth, she realized she'd revealed too much, but it was too late to take it all back. _What do you mean 'boyfriend?' Angel? You can't say you know angels in public, ya moron._ Of course, Dean had forgotten that most people didn't know angels were real.

"Aw! That is so cute," The woman gushed, looking sincerely touched, "You're lucky. My boyfriend's kind of…More like a devil."

Oddly enough, their conversation was hitting rather close to home. "Be careful. My brother dated a bitch from Hell and that did not go down so well."

Liz laughed jovially, "You're funny."

The woman at the counter finished and revealed Dean's done-up face in the mirror. The difference was startling. "Whoa!"

"I hope that's a good reaction." Liz bit her lip.

"Whatever you did, it worked," Dean grinned. Dean's already lengthy eyelashes were made longer, her eyes were smoking, and she had fresh color on her cheeks, lips, and eyelids. Coupled with her bold, blonde haircut, she looked like she had just waltzed off of the cover of _Vogue_. Dean gave the woman money and walked away with some of that 'eye stuff' and a lip balm. She didn't really plan on using it much in the future, but she figured the woman deserved something for spending her time on her. The makeup lady had also reminded Dean that she really was absurdly lucky. She may have died more times than anyone walking around the planet today, but she had something other people didn't.

Dean had an actual angel. An angel had lifted him out of Hell and changed his life forever. Dean had gotten so used to being followed, adored, protected, and doted on that he had forgotten such a situation was extremely rare. He wouldn't be able to live without Cas now that he knew what it was like to have him.

* * *

After a bath in which she had been extra careful not to touch her face or hair, Dean got her game on. _Why are you nervous? You've done this loads of times. It's gonna be fine._ She slipped on her shiny, new undergarments and covered up with one of her yellow plaid shirts. She put on pants and paced around the motel room. She told herself she needed to snap out of it, grow a pair, and just call Castiel. As she paced, he appeared.

"Cas!" She glanced over to him, stunned.

"Oh, am I early? Should I leave? I… I didn't – " Castiel looked at the door. "I can just go."

As nervous as Dean was, Castiel was at least ten times more petrified. Dean leapt onto him, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. He supported her as she kissed him feverishly. "If you leave me now, I swear I will hunt you down."

Coming from Dean, Castiel knew it wasn't an idle threat. They settled onto the bed. As before, Dean was on top of him, leaving energetic kisses all over his lips, face, and neck as her hands worked on his clothing. The angel was unable to believe that it was all happening. It was too good to be true. Even greater worries settled over him. If it was real, Castiel had no idea what to do. His fear was evident in his stiffness.

Dean pulled back, staring down at him with her vivid, smoldering eyes, "What's up, Cas?"

With heart-rending trepidation, he avoided her eyes and answered quietly, "I'm afraid I won't be any good."

"Impossible," She replied instantly. She cradled his face in her hands, pressing their foreheads together. In that moment, she loved him more than she thought she could ever love anything else. She wanted to drive the fear right out of his tender blue eyes. "Even if you don't rock my world the first time, we can always try again…. and again…. and again."

As she spoke, she straddled him firmly. "Just try not to come in your pants again. 'Cause I want you in me."

She had no idea of the effect she had on him. Every single one of her words and actions provoked Castiel's worship of her. She loosened his tie far more gently than she had a few days ago and Castiel watched her with intensity. "You're wearing makeup," Castiel observed because he noticed everything concerning Dean. Cas' elation would be immeasurable when he realized it was all meant for him.

"Uh-huh," She huffed as she refrained from brutally ripping off all of the angel's clothing. "I did something else for you too."

She increased the space between them to unbutton her shirt slowly to reveal hints of a sleek emerald fabric that was trimmed with black lace details. When she cast aside her shirt, Castiel got an eyeful of cleavage supported in a push-up bra that had been selected because Dean thought it was vaguely reminiscent of something a saloon girl might have worn in the old West. She took off her pants to show Castiel the bra's matching companion. "I haven't even killed anything while wearing these yet," She admitted with what she believed was a grand romantic gesture, like taking a bath and combing her hair. "They're new."

For Dean, all of her efforts were monumental, even if they might have seemed small to other people. She rarely did anything thoughtful for anyone, but she would do a number of things for Castiel.

Even with all of his inexperience, the angel couldn't resist touching the beautifully clad, firm body in front of him. Castiel pulled her close and pressed feather-soft kisses along her ribs. The angel had heard her lewd prayers and had been both alarmed and excited by them. He understood that Dean wanted him desperately, and Castiel hoped he could show her exactly how much Dean meant to him. He glanced directly at her with his piercing blue eyes before he moved his mouth up to let his teeth drag briefly over the flesh of her breast as his fingers brushed over the lace adorning her rear. Suddenly, he hoisted her up and pushed her back into the bed. He loomed over her and then kissed her deeply. When Castiel took charge, the woman inwardly reeled. She did away with Castiel's bulky coat and solid blue jacket and squirmed beneath him. Castiel's talent was obvious. With very little practice, he had learned how to kiss her in a way that made her toes curl. Castiel kissed her like she was the only person in the world that mattered.

When they pulled apart, she was breathless and flushed. "Cas…" she whispered. _How?_ She didn't know how he'd become so sexy in her eyes. She pulled his shirt out of his pants and glued her mouth to his neck. She got a hold of one of his hands and sucked his fingers. "I wanna show you something…it's called fingering."

Her hand guided his hand down her warm body to slip beneath her panties where she showed him how to caress her. She closed her eyes, allowing her long lashes to cast a shadow on her cheeks, and remembered how she had fantasized about this scenario only a few days ago. At first, Castiel was timid and unsure as he followed her direction. But, because he cared so deeply about giving her pleasure, Castiel gauged her every reaction and caught on quickly. He kissed and sucked her ear and the line of her jaw as he moved his fingers between her legs. Her steadily deepening breaths and her delicate, feminine cries provoked his arousal. Curiously, he penetrated her with a single digit. Her sharp moan and the way her arms flung around his body encouraged him to stroke her within.

"Yes. Just like…that…" she panted. Dean was remarkably sensitive. She was amazed by every electrifying sensation Castiel was able to stimulate within her. Her nails scratched over his back when Castiel's fingers moved more quickly and she made sounds of pleasure she didn't know she was capable of making. "Fuck, _fuck_."

She didn't want him to stop, but she also wanted to be completely full with him. "Wait, wait!" she sighed weakly. Deftly, she flipped their positions. She stripped him of everything but his loosely hanging shirt, reached for a condom, and strapped it on the angel with startling impatience. She discarded her moistened panties and climbed on top of Castiel who had been ready for her. Her lips ghosted over the angel's as she stroked him and guided his cock between her legs. In a movement that was painfully slow for the both of them, Dean sunk down.

She buried her face into the crook of his neck because it hurt more than she had anticipated it would. Barely perceivable whimpers filled Castiel's ears. The moment was surreal to her because Dean was so used to being on the other end. A current of sensations travelled through her body when she moved. She knew what it was like to be ridden, so she knew how to ride. She had promised to loosen some feathers, and that was exactly what she set out to do, despite the dull pain within her body.

The world around them gently peeled away and Castiel lost himself within her. His hands found her hips and squeezed. The fear he had harbored was nothing more than a distant memory. He did what he could to contain his orgasm, but it was difficult when he watched her chest heave and bounce, and when her face displayed a fierce determination to rule him as well as the arousing signs of her pleasure. Her intermittent, sloppy kisses provoked Castiel as much as anything else.

She uttered a sound of surprise and delight when Castiel rolled their bodies over and angled her hips up to thrust more deeply within her. She cried out and hooked her ankles around him. When he pinned her hands into the bed with unexpected intensity she grinned. "Yes, baby, harder. Harder!"

Castiel obeyed with a vigor that indicated his desire to satisfy her rivaled or even surpassed the Winchester's. The bed creaked beneath them and Dean moaned and cursed freely. Having the shy angel push into her passionately was ecstasy. She wanted Cas to come inside her like she'd never wanted anything.

"Cas, don't stop!" Every part of her wanted more. She bucked her hips to increase the friction between them. When her orgasm came she felt like she had slipped off the planet. She remained beneath him, with her body tingling and her face flushed. Castiel tore at the sheets as he reached completion. The angel felt light-headed and overwhelmed in the moments that followed.

When his eyes focused on his partner, she was gazing up at him with a form of adoration he had never witnessed before. They were sweaty, hot, and breathless. He settled down by her side and was immediately beset with loving kisses. "I wanna do it again. I want more of you," She trembled as she whispered to him affectionately. "I want you from behind…I want you to nail me to the wall. I want…"

Castiel pressed her roughly into the bed and covered her mouth with his own with a kiss that made her writhe beneath him. She was crazy, with a bottomless lust, and Castiel loved it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel's sexcation strengthens their unique relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos! I really love you all for reading this.
> 
> I've honestly sat around writing sex for hours. (Somebody send help). I also drew a nsfw [fanart](http://ho-kun.tumblr.com/post/34554200533/magical-sex-change-destiel-done-because) that goes with this chapter. Yikes.

Dean and Castiel rolled around in bed, locking lips until time lost all meaning. Castiel gradually built up the courage to touch her more freely and confidently. He unhooked her bra with her permission and placed his mouth over her breast. Dean tugged on Castiel's hair and softly commanded him to suck and lick her body. She was so sore, but had no intention of resting or stopping. Her thirst for Castiel had yet to be satisfied.

When she felt Cas becoming semi-hard again, she flipped him on his back and settled her body snugly against him. She licked his lips and slipped her hands under his open shirt. "You look good in nothing but this shirt."

Castiel kissed her and moaned faintly when Dean began to stroke his dick. He inhaled sharply, feeling his heart flutter as Dean murmured dirty nothings into his ears. "What do you say, Cas? You wanna have me on all fours? Hm? You know I'd do it for you, babe."

"What?" Castiel sighed, "What does that mean?"

Castiel may have regretted asking after Dean explained what she wanted in graphic detail. Dean, who enjoyed playing a Sex Professor perhaps a little too much, educated the angel on how 'doggy style' was a great way to get to her 'g-spot,' to which Cas could only reply, "What's a G-spot?"

"You're too freakin' cute," Dean sniggered. "It's that extra sweet spot inside me that you gotta pound as hard as you can when you find it. Don't worry, I'll let you know when you hit it."

"Dean, I'm not sure if I can…" Castiel was blushing deeply. Anyone would with Dean muttering such words.

"I believe in you, angel," Dean cooed, never once letting go of his cock.

As ever, Castiel succumbed. Dean had the amazing ability of coercing him into anything. She trembled as she was penetrated again and grasped the bed sheets. "Move, Cas," she demanded. With Dean prostrate before him, the angel felt like he was in an unusually powerful position. Dean submitted to no one, and yet, she was there, pleading him to 'break her in.' The realization of his incredible privilege ignited his lust. He focused on making her moan, following every instruction he was given.

"There, Cas, there! _Fucking_ hell!" She cried. Her forearms lost their strength beneath her body and she slipped slowly into the sheets. She chewed and clutched the pillow tightly as Castiel made her come again. Her chest heaved and she felt so good she might have wept. An unreal tingle flared through her body. "God…"

Castiel settled down on top of her after reaching his climax, his nerves buzzing with ecstasy. Neither one of them could speak. The sheets around them were wrecked and the only sound in the room was of their heated breathing. Castiel moved to rest beside Dean with a dizzy kind of lethargy the angel had never displayed before. Dean touched his face with her fingers and tried to say something. Her words were almost unintelligible, "Sonuvabitch."

 

* * *

 

Dean had fallen asleep and gravitated into Castiel's arms where she rested in his comforting warmth for countless hours. Her freckled cheek nuzzled his chest in her sleep. The angel shared in her sense of calm and gently caressed her hair as she dozed. The makeup on her face had smudged, which made the man smile. He was overwhelmed with positive emotions that were wholly unfamiliar to him. Castiel knew how to love and he knew how to be devoted, perhaps better than most creatures.

Yet, his love had never been returned with the degree of passion Dean expressed. His love of God had been based in a blind faith that had led to disappointment. He had a distant Father that had expected him to obey with very little guidance. Castiel had brothers and sisters he loved as well. It should have been shameful to him that he had come to love Dean Winchester more than them all, but he regretted nothing. He'd betrayed and killed his own kind for Dean's sake. He had rebelled against the Supreme Being to follow Dean.

Castiel had been willing to suffer the pain of his sins just to watch over him. Touching and embracing Dean had been nothing more than a distant hope, and so, the angel never would have expected that he would end up sharing a bed with Dean. The happiness swelling inside him was so foreign he didn't know how to manage it. Expressing his love with his body had been his greatest outlet for all of his feelings so far. When Dean begged for anything, Castiel gave, because that was what he always did.

When he thought about how a mortal had changed his life so drastically in a span of time that was, to him, a blink of an eye, Castiel truly believed the miraculous. Dean stirred in his arms, brushing her fingers gently over his chest.

She cracked open an eye. _What happened? Did I fall asleep?_ She moved a leg that was wrapped around Castiel's body and felt a twinge between her legs. She had really pushed her virgin body, but that was exactly how she liked it. She sighed a great dreamy sigh. Her green eyes looked up at Castiel. "Mornin'. Or evenin'. Afternoon? I don't know what time it is."

"Neither do I."

Dean smirked and propped her arm up on Castiel to be able to gaze down at him. He could feel her thoughts swirling around him.

"What?"

"Just you," She replied. "Mr. Virgin Sex Machine. How did that happen?"

"Ex-virgin."

"I know! Geez, Cas, I'm gonna have to come up with new material," Dean looked up thoughtfully. She couldn't tease him about being a virgin anymore. "I definitely can't call you 'junkless' ever again."

She could work the nerd angle, but that would be awfully similar to the routine she had developed with Sam. All of the sudden, she thought of something that made her eyes go wide. Castiel stared at her with interest. "Babe, your Dad isn't gonna rope me into a shotgun wedding for deflowering you, is he?"

"You mean God?" Castiel asked with surprise.

Dean had pissed off a lot of fathers in his time, but never the King of Kings. "Yeah God! You're his baby, right?"

 _It doesn't really work like that_. Castiel considered Dean for a second and replied with a straight face, "God sees everything."

For just a moment, Dean was horrified. She had been afraid of having a father-in-law of any kind, and could not even begin to fathom having one that could make her wake up with lice and could drown the Impala in locusts. Then, she frowned and looked down at Castiel with incredulous delight. "You're having me on." She laughed and smacked Castiel's chest. "You dick!"

Castiel smiled back at her and she kissed his nose. Then, she kissed him on the mouth tenderly. "Your Daddy isn't gonna wanna see what I'm going to do to you next."

With a sweet sense of glee she retrieved Castiel's tie, wrapped it around his wrists, and then secured them to one of the bars of the headboard. Cas, as usual, had no idea what was happening. The angel looked worried, "Why, Dean?"

"Oh, man, just because I can," she grinned, after she sat back to drink in the sight of Cas in nothing but his white shirt and the bit of blue tie wrapped around his wrists. His hair was tousled and his innocent blue eyes were glancing up at Dean fretfully as he tried to move in his bonds. "Hang on. Don't move."

Castiel didn't really have much of a choice. When Dean came back with her phone and aimed it at him, the angel made a shocked face. Dean took a picture with her camera phone, holding in what Castiel suspected were incredibly satisfied, mischievous laughs. She snickered, "Yes, perfect."

"What did you just do?" Castiel squirmed.

"Nothing, Cas. Nothing." _That's going on my background._

"Is there a camera on that?" the angel gasped.

"Pfft! _No_. Settle down, already." Dean got Castiel to forget all about the phone by covering his body with her lips, teeth, and tongue. She bit his nipple and the man's muscles clenched as he resisted feebly. Dean seemed to have had some practice with tying people to beds because the knot at his wrists was rather secure. If Castiel had really wanted to be released, he could have forced his way out, but he didn't. Instead, he writhed and gasped as Dean moved down his body. She sucked the soft space of his midsection with small, amorous moans as though she was enjoying a mouthful of Angel Food Cake or – more likely – sweet Angel Pie. She nibbled on his skin, loving the sound of his whimpers.

_Dean Winchester, Angel Defiler. That's me._

She would work on earning that epithet so that no one could argue its legitimacy. She hooked her arms around Castiel's thighs, but kept silent about her plans for him. Her intentions would have been obvious to any other man, but not Cas. She wanted the pleasure of his surprise for herself. She bit the skin just beneath his bellybutton and the man beneath her whined softly. The angel wondered why she was going so low. Dean looked up at Cas with a roguish green gaze and then placed a kiss on the head of his cock.

"Dean – !" Castiel could not say another word because the Winchester between his legs decided to lick up his shaft. Her mouth enveloped him and began to suck. Castiel buried his toes into the bed and moaned. He was so surprised that he was rendered unable to think clearly. Dean's mouth was warm and passionate in its ambition. She used a hand to fondle him and attempted to take him into her mouth more deeply. She had never given a blowjob before, but she knew what men liked. She put all of male Dean's years of experience to use to send Castiel reeling.

The man became pitifully weak and wanton under her ministrations. He seemed desperate to touch, kiss, or bite something, but he was fastened in place. He inhaled sharply as his arousal began to peak and thrust his hips up, unable to control his responses. Dean's enthusiasm to suck him off more vigorously swelled. Her sharp green eyes looked up to meet his wavering blue ones. He was coming to his climax. She parted her mouth as he came and his seed landed on her cheek. _Angel cum. On my face. That's new_. The Winchester wiped it away with her hands and then used the sheets to clean her hands. The expression on Castiel's face was well worth the taste on her tongue.

She swallowed whatever remained in her mouth and observed the poor man that was panting underneath her. He was beautiful. After giving him a moment to come back to reality, she explained what she had just done. "And that, Cas, is what you call a 'blowjob.'"

" _That's_ what that is?" Castiel took in a sharp breath, looking at Dean with wide blue eyes. He thought it was an atrocious name for something so obviously wonderful and perfect. Astounded, he asked, "Then why do you always sound so angry when you tell me to blow you?"

Dean laughed more cheerfully than she had in days, maybe months. She wasn't sure if she had ever been half as pure and innocent as Cas. He was easily the cutest angel on heaven and earth. Dean suspected he was well on his way to breaking a Guinness World Record for 'most endearing things said by an angel of the Lord.' The best part was that she knew Castiel wasn't even trying. She licked her lips and considered him. _This is a job for Professor Dean_. She worked to untie her lover as she schooled him on sexual phrases. "Well, it's all about context and tone. If we're fighting about something, like you drinking all my booze, and I tell you to blow me, it means I'm pissed. Basically that means, 'go fuck yourself.' Fuck off, or something like that."

"But… if I say it like this…" Dean spread out on the bed and gave Castiel a sultry, beckoning look. Castiel was still holding on to his tie within one of his newly freed hands, so she pulled on the end of it to draw him to her. In a slightly airy, sexy tone, she said, "Hey, Cas, blow me." She winked for good measure. Smiling, she explained, "If I say it like that, it means you really oughta to be sucking my dick."

His instinct was to obey her immediately, but it was not possible. Castiel understood her point, but still found it to be strange. He didn't think he would be able to remember to be insulted if Dean threw that phrase at him during one of his future tirades because he would be thinking about the woman smiling at him like she was now. She crawled up on his body and gave him a salty, dirty kiss on his lips. "Speaking of fucking yourself…"

Castiel sat with rapt attention and was not surprised when he was straddled. Dean seemed to enjoy being on top of him. She ran her hands through his hair and the residue from her palms left his brown locks permanently messy. "That's another one you can take both ways. Say I hand you a picture of me and then I say 'go fuck yourself'…" she breathed in Castiel's ear. "That means I want you to think about me when you do it. Comprende?"

"You mean…"

"Touching yourself, Cas. Which I recommend," Dean replied. She wondered if he ever did. "I'm trying to give you some good fodder here, babe. When you take a vacation to heaven or wherever the fuck it is you go, you can always have me with you, 'cause I'll be on your mind, got it?"

"You're always on my mind," he said.

Dean didn't say anything. The tone of his voice and the earnestness in his eyes spoke volumes about what Castiel meant. Dean could try to corrupt Castiel all night and all day, but the angel would always slice straight to the heart. She was more vulnerable to sentiment than she liked to appear, and never quite sure how to deal with it. Castiel drew Dean into his warm embrace and branded a hot kiss over her heart, which only made her feel more greatly affected by his tender words.

 _What did you do to yourself, Dean?_ She had willingly and eagerly driven down this path that had no other destiny, but to end here. Dean had to acknowledge that it was much more than sex that they were sharing. She could be lewd, crude, and teasing, but she could never erase the truth about how she really felt about Cas. She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I ever tell you you're my favorite angel? Easily No. 1."

"You're my favorite everything."

"Stop it," Dean said unexpectedly. She just couldn't handle him anymore. He gave her a wounded look that prompted her to apologetically cradle his face in her hands. It wasn't realistic to command him to be less lovable because no matter what Cas did or said, she would love him all the same. "You're just too much for me sometimes. Too perfect."

Castiel frowned, "Not anymore than you."

Dean swallowed. _God damn it._ She thought about muffling him with his own tie to keep him from talking because every word that came out of his mouth made her feel weak. She climbed off his body and settled down into the bed with her back facing Cas. There was a four-lettered word bursting inside her heart that didn't dare climb into her brain. The organ between her ears was hard-wired to resist it and she had an instinct to protect that wiring, especially now that it was rapidly deteriorating. When it came to Castiel, Dean had been crumbling for a long time.

Castiel seemed to be having a similar same train of thought, but unlike Dean, he was unable to contain himself any longer. Words tumbled out of his mouth without consulting his better judgment first. They came out of him as naturally as air from his lungs.

"I love you, Dean…"

In barely a whisper, Castiel had spoken so softly that Dean couldn't make out his words. She turned to face him, "What? What'd you just say?"

"Nothing," he replied and settled down beside Dean. Castiel draped an arm around her body and took pleasure in her warmth. She nestled into him happily.

"Spooning," She said, adding to Castiel's vocabulary of intimate words and phrases. "This one is called 'spooning.'"

"It's a good one."

"I know, right?" Dean grinned into the pillow and wrapped her hand over Castiel's. She rested with him for a long time, occasionally feeling his lips on her shoulder and neck. She drifted off blissfully for a few moments. Every time her eyes opened and she felt Castiel still with her, she felt at ease.

They were able to hold each other without the need for words. The several hours they had shared formed a dream so pleasant it could have easily been mistaken for the best possible afterlife. Finally, Castiel broke their comfortable silence. "Dean, you need to eat."

"Nah, I'm good."

"Your stomach's been growling," Castiel answered. He wasn't sure when Dean had last eaten, but it had been a long time since they had first met.

"I don't need to eat," she answered lazily.

After a pause, Cas said, "But that's what you _do_."

Dean peeled herself from her comfortable position on the bed and glared at Cas, "You tryin' to start somethin' with me? Sayin' I eat a lot? Is that what you're saying?"

Castiel shrugged. Dean did eat a lot. "I just think if you're hungry, you should eat."

She was well aware of the emptiness in her stomach, but she didn't want to go out to eat because she wanted to stay locked away with Castiel. She grinned broadly, "How about a shower first?"

Whenever Dean grinned as she was doing now, a shower was never just a shower. Under the steamy spray, Dean had her legs wrapped snugly around Castiel's waist as the angel slammed her into the tiled wall. She moaned and nibbled at his lips as he penetrated her deeply. She tugged at his hair and cried out his name in worship. Castiel thrust within her with more passion and stamina than before, and Dean crossed off another thing from her list of fantasies involving Cas.

He sent her into a mind-numbing orgasm. She clung to him like he was the only thing keeping her from crashing into the floor. Castiel supported her and buried his face into her neck. Her eyes had been opened. Her angel made her feel like a woman in the best physiological ways possible. Dean's body was humming and she wasn't thinking about anything but how incredible she felt. It was the only time she was happy to have the body she was in.

"You're so good," she mumbled, not solely referring to his ability to turn her into jelly. Dean was feeling feeble, but so alive at the same time. She let Castiel guide her out of the shower and let him towel her hair and body, which he did with gentleness. When she tried to follow him out of the bathroom, her legs gave out and she stumbled into Cas. Harsh, amazed laughter filled the air. "Cas!" She could not stop laughing, "Cas, you…you fucked me so hard I can't walk right."

_Unbelievable. Unba-freakin'-believable._

"Are you okay?" Castiel held her steadily. He was worried he had been too rough, but wasn't sure if he should apologize.

 _Oh God, yes._ There was something about the pain that she loved.

"You were right. I'm really hungry now," she answered. If she didn't eat and rest soon, she was going to fall into a sex coma. "Pizza. Let's just order a pizza."

 

* * *

 

Dean sat in one of the chairs around the motel room table in nothing but a set of fire engine red lingerie, trying to eat pizza that was scalding her mouth. Her feet were propped up on Castiel's thighs. Her mouth watered as the cheese burned her tongue. _For fuck's sake, why do they make it so hot? I'm hungry now, damn it._

Castiel was fully clothed. He didn't think it was right to open the door in anything less than his complete attire. Only Dean was meant to see him in various states of undress. He watched as Dean struggled with her food and ate slowly.

"Eat something," She said and then frowned. There was something she had been wondering for a while. "Hey, Cas. Do you even like eating?"

Castiel shrugged. "I like burgers."

"Yeah, like I'd ever forget that," Dean chuckled. _You pig_. "But, I mean. In general, do you like it? Have you ever even tried pizza?"

"No…" Most of the foods Castiel had tried, aside from burgers, were those that Dean had forced him to eat. "And I don't really think about eating."

"Well, you're gonna try it now. I'll be damned if I'm the only one that's going to be swallowing sausage today," Dean said, and she wasn't just thinking about the Meat Lover's pizza. She smiled, "It's got beef on it. That's the same stuff that goes into burgers. You'll like it…"

Cas took a slice and burned his mouth, just as Dean had done. He cried out and complained, "Why do they make it so hot?"

Dean laughed. She watched him eat, snickering to herself all the while. "See? It's good, right? It's like a bunch of teeny, tiny burgers on top of cheese and – "

"This is nothing like a burger! But… I do like it."

"Aw, yeah. Told ya," Dean nodded with approval. "Hey, how about a drink?"

"Of what?"

"Your choice, sweetheart. What's your poison?" Dean asked. She decided to clarify, "Of alcohol. You like drinking, don't you?"

"Vodka, more than anything. Whiskey, gin… but not rum. I don't know why, maybe it's too sweet," Castiel said. "Scotch is good, and brandy. Anything like that."

"You're a man's man, Cas." She nudged him with one of her feet. "Go get us some."

"But – "

"I would, but I can't _walk_ ," Dean leveled a guilt-inducing gaze at Castiel. "And you're the only one with clothes on."

"Well, I guess."

"I don't want to drink the whole bottle," Her gaze turned into a glare because she knew Castiel was inwardly judging her. "I just want a drink…with you."

Castiel left to serve her whimsy. When the angel returned from a remarkably short trip away, she smiled up at him. His transportation powers were wildly useful. She hopped out of her chair and gave him a hug. "Thanks, Cas. You're the best."

Her embrace lingered. He sat down and she positioned herself in his lap after he had poured them some drinks. She planted her lips over Castiel's and the angel's hand settled on her bare waist. Dean raised her glass and made a toast, "To sexcations and not being virgins anymore."

Castiel was about to drink, but took a double take, "What's a sexcation?"

"Dude, where have you been?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, Castiel, and Sam put their energy into finding Artemis.

Sam was lying in bed looking up at the ceiling with unblinking ennui. At this point, Sam had run out of ways to entertain himself. Just as promised, the youngest Winchester had refrained from calling Dean for two days. Without Dean, the world was a quiet place and Sam wasn't sure if it was calming or lonely. Most likely, it was a mixture of both.

Sam had some previous experience avoiding Dean during his sexcapades, but this time was different. Sam wasn't normally so thoroughly acquainted with the object of Dean's lust. Dean and Castiel were the two people he loved most in the world, and now they were together. Sam wondered if it was possible that now Dean loved Castiel more than he loved him. Sam could not deny that he was a little forlorn with the turn of events.

While Dean had disappeared to learn all about having sex as a woman, Sam had gone to the library, he had gone shopping for some healthy food to last him a few days, he had lounged at a café, and he had gone to see a terrible movie that he now regretted having seen. Back at the motel, Sam had streamed a popular TV show about a couple of detectives on his laptop. He quickly gave up on the show because the homoerotic subtext of the duo just reminded him of Dean and Cas. Sam wondered if men flirting was a 'thing' now. Thinking of the fangirls of the novels written about their lives, Sam supposed that maybe homoerotic themes had always been popular and he had just never noticed.

Sam was doing his best to try to think of anything but Dean and Castiel screwing like rabbits, which is what he expected they were doing. He tried to focus inwardly because considering his life in the perspective of their group was depressing him. If Dean was going to live in a besotted bubble with his devoted angel, Sam decided that maybe he could start thinking about doing something for himself too. Sam had gone online to look for programs at universities. He flirted with the idea of looking for a part-time job.

He told himself he would do all of these things one day. Someday, he would have a normal life. Maybe the romance between his brother and the angel was a positive thing. Sam could be free of being the person his brother always depended on for company and his emotional well-being. As soon as he thought it, he felt newly depressed. Sam wanted a life of his own, but he also needed Dean.

Sam adored his older brother. Even now, he wished he could be more like him and he carried a pang of jealousy in his heart. Dean was strong, handsome, and always cool. Dean knew more about cars than him and was better at picking up women. Dean was even better at picking up _men_. Dean, not Sam, got all the angels. Sam was certain this was because, somehow, he was not as worthy as Dean. Demons and monsters lusted after Sam, but angels wouldn't touch him. Yet, an angel, or something like an angel, was probably exactly what Sam needed. He needed a partner that was stronger than his curse and that forgave him, rather than admired him, for his innumerable sins.

He told his brain to shut up. Dean was out having the sex of her life while he languished alone in a motel. That was life, and there wasn't much he could do about it at the moment. The Winchester turned on the TV and pretended to pay attention to the news. Not long after, there was a knock at the door. Sam's heart swelled when he heard a familiar voice.

"Oi, Sammy! Open up!" Dean shouted from the other side. "I lost the key."

Sam heard shuffling outside and a pair of voices muttering in soft tones. Castiel was with Dean – big surprise. Sam got up and opened the door. As soon as he did, his sibling flashed him a beautiful, bright smile.

"Thanks, Sammy," Dean said. She was all smiles and grins, practically glowing. Perceiving the sullen look on her brother's face, she teased, "Aw, what's with the face? Did you get lonely? Did you miss me?"

When Sam only responded by scrunching up his face in discontent, Dean enveloped him in a tight, brotherly hug like many they had shared throughout their lives. The much taller Winchester sighed and wrapped his arms around Dean. Already, Sam felt a greater sense of inner peace. His eyes met with the angel behind Dean. Sam suppressed his possessive, little brother rage with some effort. "Cas," he said, "Good to see you."

Castiel was not ignorant of the awkwardness of the situation. If anything, he felt it more acutely than Sam. Cas felt like he should have married Dean first before carrying on as they had, or that he should have at least asked for Dean's hand. Since their father was dead, the entire situation was all the more confusing – never mind the perplexing fact that Dean was usually a man. Castiel may not have been a virgin any longer, but he was still timid with the idea of having sex without a clear definition of their relationship. Cas' knowledge of human courtship was rooted in what the Winchesters would consider to be ancient attitudes.

"Likewise, Sam," the angel answered and then slipped into the room. He was trying not to be noticed, and Sam noticed it.

Dean's hug lasted for a while. When the woman let go, she sauntered over to a chair with a bow-legged strut that was slightly more discernible than usual. "Um. Everything good with you guys?" Sam asked. _Did you have a good time? No, don't ask that!_

"Hell yes."

"It's good…" Castiel said, avoiding Sam's eyes to focus on tracing the wood of the TV stand in the room. It was the first time Sam had been aware of Castiel taking an interest in furniture.

"Oh, well, that's good," Sam remarked. He didn't really want any details, especially from his straight-talking sibling. He changed the subject, "You all want some beer?"

"Do you even have to ask?" Dean said, while the angel muttered, "No, thank you."

"Actually, it's pretty good. I bought a local brew," Sam explained as he retrieved a couple of bottles from the fridge. As they shared drinks, Dean couldn't help but send infatuated glances to the angel. Sam swore she sighed a couple of times.

Castiel was distant, only vaguely aware of the Winchesters. He had so many types of Dean to love now. Angry Dean and Courageous Dean both got under his skin, but also inspired him. Flirty Dean and Jokester Dean made Cas feel curiously special and human. Now Castiel's collection of Deans included Sex Kitten Dean, which may be the side of the Winchester to surprise him most of all. This was the Dean that shivered at his touch and had skin that flushed in his arms. This Dean worshipped him and took him into a world that was made just for them. Castiel's brain was fried thinking about this Dean. Dirty Talking Dean was even more mind numbing. When he caught her eye, adoring him from afar, Cas felt absolutely flustered.

Sam directed the conversation and tried to be casual. "So, Dean, what's the plan now?"

"Same thing I said before. We get my penis back."

"Still?" Sam blurted out. "But you just – "

"Man of my word," Dean reiterated what she had been saying all along. "It's the principle of the thing."

Dean wasn't the Righteous Man because he changed his mind at the drop of the hat. Forty years of the worst torture were needed to break him, so it should not have surprised Sam that a couple of days of sex would not alter his brother's conviction. Dean was dead set on doing what she thought was the right thing, even if it wasn't the easiest course of action. Dean didn't need to think it through because she knew there was something inherently wrong with living within the lie that was her body.

"I tried to summon Artemis that day I went off on my own," Dean admitted, "but she didn't come. That bitch didn't show up. I'll sit in the forest for as long as I have to, Sammy. I want my body back."

"Uh, okay. Do you think maybe she just can't hear your prayers? Or maybe she just doesn't care?"

Dean gnashed her teeth together. "I'll make her care."

"It's unlikely that she is unable to hear them," Castiel broke in. "It's possible that she will reveal herself if Dean pesters her enough."

Dean caught the minute teasing lift in Castiel's lips and grinned at the angel. "Damn straight. I'll pester the shit out of her."

"I guess it's worth a try," Sam shrugged. "So, what? Camping trip?"

"It'll be just like old times." Dean looked at Sam, remembering the fun they used to have with their dad. Usually they only went camping to catch some monster or other, but they managed to have some genuine moments of outdoorsy pleasure during those times too.

"Thank God," Sam groaned his relief. "I'm so sick of this room."

 

 

* * *

 

 

"What's that?" Dean asked as she pointed to an enormous bag of marshmallows that Sam had placed on the belt of the checkout counter of the store they were in. "We're here to get basic supplies, Sammy."

"Oh, yeah? Then what's this?" Sam shot back. He lifted up a patriotic bikini that Dean had been trying to hide under a bag of chips. "American flag, Dean? Really?"

"You said there would be water!" Dean whined. "And I love America. Back off."

Dean had a strange fixation with dressing the female body he had been given. To Sam, it was equal parts hilarious, cute, and disturbing. "I get s'mores, and you get your Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition cover, okay?"

"I can't help it if I've got a chick's body. I just wanna go swimming," Dean grumbled under her breath. "I never get to go swimming."

Castiel had no reason to stick around during these mundane preparatory trips, but he had anyway. Dean and Sam had gone about their business as they always did, but when Dean was alone with Cas for any amount of time, the Winchester would flirt up a storm. They were both still thinking about their amorous two-day affair. They hadn't kissed in what felt like a long time and Castiel was eager for more. Just being in Dean's presence, whether she was flirting or not, was satisfying.

They drove to a location that Sam believed would be most attractive to the goddess. Many of her ancient temples and places of worship were imbedded in groves of trees, especially by sources of water. Sam had found a camping site located near a mountain stream that was perfect for their mission. When they arrived and began to settle in, Sam soon found himself trying to set up a tent alone.

Back by the car, Dean and Castiel had forgotten what they were responsible for setting up at the campsite because they were too busy locking lips. As soon as Sam had gone off on his own, Dean had pressed the angel into the Impala. Her clothes began to slip from her body as slithered up into him.

"Oh my God! You guys! Can you just stop for, like, two minutes?" Sam exclaimed when he saw them. After being abandoned, Sam had returned to the car to find his companions. Unwillingly, he caught an eyeful of Dean's bra. "Leopard print?"

Sam screamed inwardly. _My eyes!_

"Hey, don't look!" Dean promptly covered her chest. "I was just… I was going to change and then Cas… Cas! I need some privacy here. Geez. Go on."

When she tilted her head to the side to indicate that he needed to leave, Castiel glowered back at her. The angel reluctantly moved away from Dean and joined Sam. "Sorry," he said to Sam as they walked back to their campsite. "Dean started it."

"I believe you," Sam replied. In a lovely, clear spot between some trees, Sam began to give the angel instructions on how to help with the tent and Cas was eager to be of service. The rudimentary dwelling of nylon and plastic fascinated him. Sam grinned at Castiel. "Congrats, by the way."

"On what?" Cas timidly cast his eyes to Sam.

"You know," Sam stated playfully. Then, he gave him a slight bow, "I give you my blessing. I've never told you that, have I?"

"No," Cas answered. He appreciated it more than he was able to express. "Thank you."

"I can't think of anyone I'd rather see with Dean," Sam answered. It felt unusual to let someone else have so much influence in his brother's life, but he realized it was something that would happen whether he approved or not. Sam decided that apart from himself, there wasn't a person more devoted or trustworthy than Castiel. He wasn't just loyal, he was also powerful, endearing and, admittedly, pretty cute for a man. Sam daydreamed about the new family they were forming and neglected Cas long enough for the angel to almost tear a hole in the tent. "No, Cas! That piece doesn't go there! Hang on, I'll show you."

Since it was going to become evening soon, they needed to prepare things so that they could rest in a safe and comfortable place. After their incident with the cult, they decided it would be best to pray to the goddess during the day time to summon her at a time when they could see clearly and make the quickest escape if needed. Facing a deity in her own element was dangerous enough without the veil of darkness.

"God bless America." Dean had appeared and was striking a confident pose in nothing but her obnoxious bikini. Sam immediately burst into laughter.

"You look so stupid. So, so stupid," Sam chortled. He was having a hard time breathing, but he choked out, "No, Dean. No."

"You're just jealous. Cas knows what I'm talking about. He knows how to stand to attention," Dean winked at Castiel. "I'm getting in that water before the sun goes down."

Moments later, Cas and Sam heard Dean curse and complain about how freezing the water was. She flailed and jogged around in the water to get her temperature up. She submerged her head, thinking that would help. "Fuck!" She spat, wiping her face and shaking water off her body. "It's so fucking cold! This was a bad idea! Bad idea!"

Sam wandered over to the edge of the water, with Castiel not far behind. "It's money wasted on that bikini if you don't – "

"Shut up, Sam. It's not even that cold," Dean lied through chattering teeth. She wouldn't dare admit she had made a poor decision, so she swam around. Eventually, she got used to the water and swirled around its clear depths like she was in paradise. The water was cold, but so clean and pure. The surface of the stream was as brilliant as a crystal as the last rays of the sunset glimmered across it. Dean felt like the mountains were blessing her as she moved through the waters. "Aw, yeah. All I need is one of those floaty things and a beer. This is awesome. Sam, get in."

"Like hell." Sam shook his head.

Dean did an unusual, goofy dance, "Get. _In_."

"Get your boyfriend to get in with you."

She shot Castiel a look and fluttered her eyelashes. "Cas. Baby. You gonna leave me hanging here?"

Castiel was sitting on a large rock as far from the water as possible while still being in sight. He wasn't comfortable with taking his clothing off in the open, especially with Sam there. He ducked his head down shyly. While Sam was focusing on Castiel, he got a face full of water. "What the hell!" Sam shouted and turned to Dean furiously, "That's not fu – "

"Funny?" Dean interjected after getting him wet all the way down the front of his body with a particularly impressive splash. Sam stripped off his clothing so fast that Dean didn't have time to prepare herself for the tackling he had in store for her. They wrestled in the water, taking turns splashing and dunking each other under.

"It's so freakin' cold," Sam groaned. "I hate you. I _so_ hate you."

Dean could only laugh maniacally in response.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"You afraid of water, Cas? Don't know how to swim?" Dean murmured to the angel as Sam wandered off to dry himself and get something to eat from their stash of food. Dean was wet and crowding over Cas. She was shivering from the sensation of the air brushing over her scantily clad body, but she still exuded dominance over the man. When Castiel didn't answer, she offered him her hand. "Wanna go for a walk?"

They walked, but only as far as the car. It was important, she thought, to do it in the Impala before she had to change back into her true male form. With the sun sinking behind the mountains, there was no better time than now to do it, especially since Sam would be occupied for a while.

Castiel leaned down on top of her and covered her lips with his mouth in the backseat of the Impala. Her skin was chilly and slick and her nipples were hard. Castiel was determined to warm her up. The angel shed his coat and shucked his tie. There was something about watching him remove his clothing with such a casual air that excited Dean. When Castiel smirked, Dean frowned up at him, "What?"

"Stars and stripes," Castiel breathed, moving his hands over the article of clothing in question. He squeezed the stars and the stripes, causing Dean to gasp. Cas' hand caressed southwards, teasing. Dean didn't need to tell him what to do.

"What, you too?" Dean chuckled softly, trying to bare a cool face, "Shut up, it's sexy. If you don't like it, take it off."

Humidity glazed the windows as Castiel filled the car with her breathy moans. He was impatient with need and the Impala began to creak under the force of his thrusts. She urged him on, blissfully flushed in his arms. "Feels so good…" Dean sighed as she clutched on to Cas.

They held each other after they were both spent. Dean's fingers traced lines through Cas' hair, down his neck, and to his back. His body on top of hers was a comforting weight that she wished she would never have to give up. "This is the only thing I'll miss…" she whispered, "…about being a woman."

Castiel stiffened, afraid that his worst nightmare was taking place. He had always suspected Dean would only have him in this body, but hearing her say it out loud was crushing, nevertheless. He didn't want to talk about it, but she picked up on the change in his body language.

"Cas, what's wrong?"

He nestled his face further in her neck so she wouldn't be able to see his expression. She pressed him, "Cas?"

"When you change back you won't – "

"Hey, hey, hey!" Dean interrupted. She grabbed his face and forced him to look down at her. She gazed up at him with an earnest set of green eyes, "Look at my face. Buddy, you're still going to be just as important to me, no matter what happens. You mattered before, you matter now, and you'll matter tomorrow."

'Mattering' was only half of the equation. Castiel didn't ask if 'mattering' included sharing kisses and touches because he was afraid it didn't. Instead, he nodded as if he was completely okay with what she was saying. Dean grinned and gave him a peck.

"All I wanted was for this body to go out with a bang. You know, get the most out of it while I still got it," Dean explained cheerfully. In that moment, the flicker of emotion within Castiel's eyes enlightened Dean to the horror she had fallen into. _Oh._

 _You still wanna fuck me when I'm a dude._ She gasped. _Oh, fuck_. She wanted to bash her own head into the door of the car. She wanted to scream and run off to a place where she didn't have to think about this. What would she do? Of course Castiel wouldn't care if Dean were a woman or a man. Cas unequivocally wanted Dean. Dean panicked.

"Whoa! It's getting late! It's pretty dark, isn't it? I think Sammy is, uh, probably wondering where we are," Dean rattled on. She let out a nervous laugh, "I'm so hungry. How about we get some clothes and get back? Man, it's cold in here, isn't it?"

She found her underwear and got dressed in record time. Castiel placed his coat over her shoulders since she was complaining of the cold and she all but ran back to the tent and Sam. When her hands grabbed the coat that had been placed around her body with care she felt an onslaught of emotions. She found Sam absorbed in the fire he was building.

"Look! Look at this!" Sam exclaimed with a proud smile. "It's perfect. Is this not the greatest fire you've ever seen?"

The fire was just the distraction Dean needed. Indeed, it was bright, beautiful, and warm. Dean settled down beside Sam and marveled, "Awesome! Nice job, Sammy."

"Cas, c'mon, sit down," Sam waved to the angel. "I have to show you one of the most important things for you to learn as a human." He lifted the bag of marshmallows so Castiel could observe and explained what they were. The three sat around roasting marshmallows to various degrees of success and eating them. Castiel burned most of his because his mind was elsewhere. Eventually, Sam took over for the angel. The youngest Winchester made him the most perfect s'more he could manage. "Okay, Cas. Get ready to have your mind blown."

Sam watched with anticipation as Castiel awkwardly worked his mouth around the somewhat bulky snack. He chewed slowly, eyeing Sam as Sam eyed him right back. On the other side of the fire, Dean grinned to herself and shook her head. Chocolate melted into Cas' mouth and an overload of sugar assaulted his senses. "It's good," Castiel muttered around a mouthful of cracker, mainly so Sam would stop staring at him.

"Yes!" Sam gave him a friendly pat on the back and resumed his task of making more s'mores. Meanwhile, Castiel thoughtfully ate the rest of his snack. The Winchesters seemed to take great pleasure in putting things in his mouth.

Sam's joy stemmed from old memories. Growing up, he hadn't known what s'mores were because he hadn't had any of the typical experiences that other boys and girls had. He learned about camping trips and s'mores from all the children that got to do normal things like join the boy scouts or go on family vacations that didn't involving killing monsters. As soon as he learned of their existence, he pleaded his dad to buy marshmallows and everything else that was necessary to make them. The first s'more he ever tried was from a microwave in a sketchy motel because his father never made the time to take them camping for fun. When he finally got to try a real s'more around a campfire in Bobby's backyard, Sam understood the delight of other children. As far as Sam was concerned, Castiel was family now and he needed to be a part of these joyful human things too.

"Hey! You're not gonna make me one?" Dean complained as Sam ate. She was unsuccessfully poking a stick into the fire. "What? You like Cas better or somethin'?"

"You've got hands," Sam muttered around a mouthful.

"But you're better at making them," Dean whined as she picked pieces of charred marshmallow from the stick she had been using to roast them.

" _Fine_ ," Sam huffed.

Even as she ate the gooey, chocolaty mess made especially for her, Dean nagged, "If we were gonna have sweets, you should've gotten pie."

Sam shot his sibling a sassy eyeful of disapproval. "Bitch please."

"Excuse me?" Dean sputtered, "Did you just – "

Castiel snorted and quickly tried to pretend he hadn't, which drew the attention of the other two. "Sorry," he grumbled softly. "It's just… Sam's face. It's amusing."

"I know, right? He looks fuckin' ridiculous!" Dean teased, "I've been trying to tell him that for years! Thanks, Cas."

"No, no! That wasn't what I meant…"

Sedated from digesting entirely too much sugar, the Winchesters crawled towards the tent. Sam spread out a blanket first and considered how they would position themselves. As he was thinking that he should probably take an end so that Dean and Castiel could be together, Dean crashed on one of the far ends of the tent and pat the ground beside her body insisting that Sam rest next to her. When Castiel slipped in and curled up as far from Dean as possible, Sam found himself in the unexpected position of having to lie between the lovers. _This is weird. They don't realize this is kind of weird? Is it because they can't keep their hands off each other and want me as a barrier between them?_

Wordlessly, Sam sunk down in between Cas and Dean in the tent that was too small for three. It could barely contain Sam. His feet threatened to poke out of the front of the tent. The position he was in kept him awake even after eating so much. Sam wasn't the only restless soul that night. The chilly night air filled the tent as nocturnal animals wandered around outside and all three remained awake, but quiet.

Dean's eyes were wide open, staring at the bluish-green canvas of the tent, as she pondered Castiel. She wondered if she had done something wrong. Had she, in her desire to satisfy her curiosity and lust, unfairly used Cas? She had pursued him because it seemed like the most natural thing to do. Dean never once questioned why she wanted Cas because it made so much sense. As a woman, her body yearned for him like it was made to want Cas. _It's the hormones. It's gotta be._ If it wasn't the hormones, there had to be something more sinister at work. That something was large and terrifying like nothing she had ever felt for another person. She mused anxiously, _You don't have a crush on Cas, idiot. You love Cas._ A familiar sense of panic swelled within her. _Like family._ She tried to force her eyes shut and she tried to will herself to sleep, but something didn't add up.

_You don't bone your family!_

Rather than finding the path to Obvious Lane, she sauntered into a realm of a different kind of denial. She decided she was done confusing herself. Tomorrow would be a new day. She would go back to being male and maybe they would all go back to normal as if nothing had happened. This was all a strange dream, or a fantasy, that 'didn't count.' Dean got a free pass on whatever happened because of the unusual circumstances of the sex change.

Castiel had been fine with their situation before, so Dean decided everything would work out. Maybe she had imagined the pained look in his eyes and maybe she was exaggerating the angel's feelings. Certainly, Dean thought, it wouldn't make sense for an angel to have hopes of being with a mortal in any long-term situation. She exhaled a shaky breath and felt heat building up behind her eyes. Dean would always be just a mortal with a lifespan like that of a fly in comparison to Cas. The recognition of this fact made her feel all the more absurd for thinking about him like he was just another man that could fall in love.

Her tiresome, denial-ridden journey helped her sleep, if only because she became so depressed she no longer wanted to be awake. Sam and Cas, on the other hand, were still restless. Sam was puzzled by a number of things, and finally addressed the angel, "You awake, Cas?"

"Yes."

"I can't sleep," Sam admitted. "You don't wanna switch with me, do you? I feel kinda…uncomfortable between you two. Like, don't you want to be by Dean?"

"No."

The abruptness of Castiel's answer startled Sam, who turned to look at the angel. His face was turned to the side, so Sam could only make out the strong lines of his handsome jaw in the darkness. He knew it wasn't his business, but he whispered, "Did you guys have a fight?"

The thought of them fighting was even more discomforting than being caught in between two people that were uncontrollably enamored with each other. Castiel didn't know how to reply and was fairly certain that he didn't want to. "Is Dean asleep?"

"Oh, yeah," Sam murmured. "Dean's long gone."

"Are you sure?"

Sam turned to look at Dean and then answered Cas, "Yep, he's drooling. He always drools."

Castiel smirked, but a heavy sadness settled into his chest. Sam blinked and considered his next words carefully. Softly, he entreated, "Cas, you're family. If there's anything you want to say, you can always say it. At least to me."

At this, Castiel turned his blue gaze to Sam. He was so ill at ease, but his nagging thoughts were more unsettling than his fear of asking the question that was on his mind. "Has Dean ever been with a man," Castiel hesitated, " _while_ he was a man?"

"No," Sam answered immediately. When he felt the hope seeping out of Cas, he modified his response. In a hushed voiced, he explained, "Not that I know of. But it's not like I remember everyone Dean's been with…I wasn't always around, so it's possible, I guess. But…not likely."

Dean shifted in position, horrifying both of the men. She groaned and flung an arm across Sam's body. Sam recoiled as she pressed her cheek into his shoulder. _Not the drool! Not on my shirt._ Sam wrestled with the idea of moving her, but didn't want to disturb her in case Castiel needed to say something else.

"I see. Good night, Sam."

The angel didn't utter another word for the rest of the night. Cas was as still as death and Sam worried about him. In spite of his worries, the youngest Winchester slipped into a slumber that was encouraged by the heat of the body wrapped around him that was comforting despite the drool. Dean fidgeted intermittently, inching all over Sam, while Sam dozed with the hint of a smile on his face.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Oi! Rise and shine, Sammy! We got a goddess to summon!" Dean kicked Sam's shoes and held the flimsy doors of the tent open to let the light shine on his face. She had been up for several minutes and was impatient to get to work on the task they had set out to the forest to do. Sam was slow to budge, but Castiel turned to face her with a weary expression on his face. The morning suited him, she thought, as the rays of the sun warmed his face and reflected upon his sensitive eyes. The sight of him made her want to kiss his face and slide back into sleep. She couldn't look at him without feeling her breaths quicken and her jaw clench in frustration. Dean couldn't manage a single word to him. She abandoned the tent, and went out to quickly set up a makeshift altar.

Before long, the angel was offering her his assistance and pointedly avoiding her eyes. When Castiel stood across from her, she felt flustered. "I'm not good at this whole praying bit."

"If you manage not to use profanity, I'll consider whatever you do a success," Castiel replied.

Dean chuckled and took Castiel's advice seriously – up to a point. The longer she prayed, summoned, and begged, the angrier her tone became, until she tore into a passionate diatribe. Sam had been present for most of it and rushed to shush her. "Dean! If she can hear you, she's gonna be pissed! Just take a break," Sam suggested.

"There was an adage I heard once…" Castiel mused. "It had to do with honey, and I think it applies to this situation."

"Huh?" Dean tossed the angel a quizzical look.

"Bees hate vinegar. But they like honey," Castiel stated with gravitas and then squinted unsurely. _Or was it flies?_

"What?" Dean remarked. "Is that some kinda beatnik poetry?"

"You mean, 'you can catch more bees with honey than with vinegar'?" Sam interjected.

 _I knew it was bees._ Castiel nodded and leveled with Dean, trying to use phrases the Winchester could understand, "Try being 'sweet.'"

" _You_ try being sweet to someone that turned you into a chick!" Dean replied viciously. "I'll show her 'sweet,' alright. You know what I'm gonna do when she shows up?"

"If you're not going to bother trying, I'll find better words for you," Cas sighed and vanished. His disappearance caught the siblings by surprise.

Sam paced around while Dean remained quiet. _Try being sweet, he says. I'm sweet. I can be sweet._ Dean inwardly smoldered and kicked the dirt at her feet. Sam and Dean didn't get much time on their own before Castiel reemerged, holding a piece of paper. Dean confronted him, "Where the hell did you go?"

"Greece," the angel answered nonchalantly _._

"What's that paper?" Dean questioned. "Is that a recipe for Artemis?"

"Artemis isn't a food," Castiel returned. He looked down at the paper, realizing too late that Dean probably knew Artemis wasn't a type of soufflé. He explained, "This is an ancient prayer. I visited one of Artemis' temples and copied a prayer from one of her priestesses."

"Nice," Sam responded, genuinely impressed. Castiel always had an ace up his sleeve.

"Well, give it here." Dean motioned to the angel and Castiel obliged. After a handful of seconds spent frowning at the paper, Dean scoffed, "I can't read this. Cas, this is a bunch of fratboy gibberish."

"It's Greek," Castiel deadpanned.

"Well, I can't read Greek. I can barely read English!" Dean helplessly looked over to her brother, "Sammy, can you make this out?"

"I… I don't know how to read Greek." Sam faltered, "I can make out a few letters, that's all."

 _Humans. How do they do it?_ Castiel decided to lend his seemingly limitless intelligence to help. He took the sheet of paper from Dean and remained near her. She was looking up at him with great expectation. "I'll read it and you can repeat what I say, word for word. Pronounce as best as you can."

Dean nodded.

"I'll go slow so you can follow," Castiel added. Dean was appreciative and put on a face of intense focus like she was about to get into a wrestling match with the words. She knew it would be a challenge for her no matter how slow Castiel read.

At first, Dean mangled every sentence that came out of her mouth, but with practice and Castiel's guidance, she improved. They picked up a rhythm and their measured chants filled the forest, swelling in power with every word. The prayer was long and affected the buzz of life within the trees. The animals became alert and noisy. As they neared the last few phrases, the trio heard growls approaching. Dean and Castiel ignored them because they were so close to finishing and they were doing so well, but Sam's anxiety was inexplicably soaring with each utterance. The final exalted invocation ended with a sacred, unseen spark that Dean felt, but did not understand.

"Did it work?" Dean questioned, staring at Castiel. "How do we know if it worked?"

"Guys? Guys, there's, um," Sam backed into Castiel and Dean, pointing at dogs that had materialized out of nowhere. Seven surrounded them, each baring fangs and growling. The menacing thunder of their snarls kept their eyes on the ground so they did not observe the owner of the soft, feminine voice that rang from above.

"Hello, Winchesters."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a [lovely fanart](http://duckyvoodoo.deviantart.com/art/Dirty-Blonde-American-Flag-Bikini-353032973) for this chapter from duckyvoodoo!! It's the first fanart anyone has ever made for me based on one of my fics. Awww, so nice!! Thank you, duckyvoodoo. *_*


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has an audience with Artemis.

The voice that called to the Winchesters from above startled Cas, Dean, and Sam and drew their gazes to the canopy of the forest. Artemis, looking petite and innocuous, was perched upon a thick tree branch. Dressed in a short white frock, she was as comfortable in the tree as a carefree finch. Her legs hung from the branch and she rested her face on a closed fist. She looked down on them with a smile, holding her silver bow casually across her lap. The saccharine, tender face and demeanor of the girl contrasted starkly with the dogs at their heels.

"Artemis!" Sam and Dean cried in awe. They had begun to believe she was nothing more than a myth, but she was there, charming them with an air of gentle romance and elegance that would have suited a Renaissance painting. Only Castiel was unaffected. He was more concerned with the dogs that were becoming progressively more aggressive.

"Pleased to meet you. Officially." Artemis continued to smile even as a black and white dog nearly tore into Sam's calf. Sam backed away just in time and the animal's fangs only ripped his jeans. Dean was about to kick the dog in the throat, but she remembered Castiel's warnings.

_Suck up to the goddess and you'll have this in the bag._

"Your holiness," Dean addressed her, trying to suppress the hostility in her voice. "Could you call off your dogs, please?"

"I'll call them off when you call off yours," the goddess answered, sending a pointed look to Castiel. Despite her words, her hunting dogs backed away in response to some silent command. They sat around the three on the ground like obedient sentinels.

"Thank you, Artemis. Ma'am," Sam gave the pint-sized goddess a small, appreciative bow. The last thing he wanted was to get in a fight with his favorite animal or to destroy anything that belonged to the goddess. After reading so much about her, Sam held Artemis in deference. If the myths were true, they had a lot to worry about.

Artemis did not acknowledge his gesture. "I have to say, I haven't heard a prayer like that in centuries. Especially not from such a creature as that."

Sam and Dean turned to Castiel who was the object of Artemis' interest. Neither human knew what it meant for an angel of the Lord to read a prayer to a pagan goddess. Castiel hid his shame well and was thankful that he was the only one who understood the words they had chanted. He was silent and remained as much on guard as Artemis' dogs.

"I appreciate – " Before Dean could blubber false gratitude, three arrows flew around her feet. The woman stumbled back with an arrow dangling from her pierced boot. She tripped into Sam's arms, blinded by the dread of a possible injury. She had been attacked in the blink of an eye and was flabbergasted by the speed and dexterity the goddess must possess. Dean hadn't even registered any movement of her arms.

"I didn't say you could talk," Artemis stated. The smirk on her face screamed of the pleasure she derived from intimidating Dean. "Let me bask in the precious words before I must be subjected to your crass, inelegant tongue."

Artemis sat, resting her face on her hands, swinging her legs like a child pondering what to do with her new lovely toys. Her 'basking' unsettled Sam and Dean and infuriated Castiel. The siblings had to resort to silent communication. Castiel and Sam didn't need words to be able to tell that Dean was already feeling her fury building. For her life, she couldn't believe how a being could be so adorable, deadly, and aggravating at the same time.

 _She'd give Robin Hood a run for his money. She's a damn good shot,_ Dean thought as she carefully pulled the arrow from her boot. She was unharmed, but she recognized a bitch move when she saw one. Sam raised his eyebrows at Dean in return. _Close call_.

"What can I do for you, Winchesters?" Artemis asked, at last.

"Um, well," Dean began, self-conscious of sounding 'crass' and 'inelegant.' "First off, thanks for coming. I just wanted to talk to you about this, uh, misunderstanding we seem to have here. Thing is, you turned me into a woman, right? That was you, wasn't it?"

Artemis nodded, admiring her handiwork.

"Well, you see, if it's not too much trouble, I was wondering if you could change me back into a man," Dean requested humbly. She was trying to come off as non-threatening and respectful as possible, but she only ended up sounding sniveling, and she hated it. Dean wasn't wringing her hands, but she might as well have been as far as she was concerned.

"No."

"What?" Dean shot back immediately. _No, no, no. Don't do this to me._ She shook her head and frowned at Artemis. Sam and Cas likewise stared up at her with worry. Dean clearly had not expected to receive such a blunt answer. "Whad'ya mean, ' _no_ '?" She hissed with rage. "Why 'no'?"

"I like you better this way," Artemis replied.

"Well I don't!" Dean shouted up at the tree, her blood beginning to boil. She clinched her fists, wishing the goddess was within punching distance. In the next instant, Dean found herself looking at the back of Castiel's head. He had pushed her back to shield her. The angel's palm was facing Dean in a gesture to indicate that she should remain still. Everything happened so quickly. Artemis had drawn her bow and was trying to aim at Dean, but Castiel was effectively blocking her shot.

"What makes you think I care what you like?" She snarled, frustrated that the angel kept shielding Dean from her view. The goddess had incredible reflexes, but Castiel was also fast. A slew of arrows should be able to take care of them all, she thought. Sam was terrified, uncertain if he should reach for his gun because Artemis had all the advantages. She was up high and was a far more accurate shot. She was quick, angry, and had seven dogs that could respond to her unspoken will. A deep unhappiness filled Artemis' eyes as she aimed directly at Castiel's heart. He was unwavering and only responded by staring her down with greater viciousness. Artemis decided that he should be the one to go first. The others were just humans.

"Stop!" Dean pleaded from behind Cas. The angel was too eager to give up his life for her and she couldn't stand to see him threatened. It made her desperate and caused her voice to tremble, "Please stop. Please."

Artemis stopped only to leap down from her spot on the tree. She fell nimbly, and landed on her feet with supernatural grace. The goddess flung Castiel into Sam so she could have Dean all to herself. As the men went skidding away, rustling leaves into the air, Artemis pressed the cool silver edge of her bow to Dean's throat.

From up close, Dean could see the debris of foliage in her dark brown hair. The gaze Artemis fixed upon her was full of every color of the forest and would have been simply beautiful under any other circumstances. Dean was frozen in place, staring into the young goddess's wolfish face. She was smaller in stature, but more of a predator than perhaps Dean could ever be. "I could have killed you," the goddess made clear. "I can still kill you now. After you offended me, I spared you. I gave you a gift and now you throw it back in my face. You are an ungrateful wretch."

Only moments ago, she had appeared innocent. Now, there wasn't a thing about her that didn't send a chill through Dean's spine. Even the golden crescent moon on the circlet around her head seemed sharp and menacing. Dean stuttered, "O-Offended you? What did I do?"

"You attacked me!" she accused, pressing her bow more aggressively into Dean's skin. Suddenly, she turned to Castiel and Sam, "Make another move and I'll kill her and send my dogs on both of you."

The men were regaining their breaths and struggling to get back on their feet. Sam grabbed Castiel to keep him still. He honestly had no idea what the best course of action was, but he believed that Artemis meant what she said. They kept quiet, but alert, trying to think of a way to help. Sam prayed silently to any god that would listen. His heart was going to break if Dean was hurt and his pain was written all over his face.

Dean responded with unexpected calm. She regarded Artemis as a wild animal that she hoped would emulate whatever sentiments she put out. Dean frowned because she knew she would have remembered having attacked a girl. She was on the side of right, so she was able to answer Artemis with composure, "I never attacked you."

Artemis blinked and hesitated. The archer was perceptive to liars, and Dean appeared to be sincere. The wounded area of Artemis' heart denied her words anyway. "How dare you lie to my face? You laid a hand upon me. I am not meant to be touched by any man."

Dean's jadeite eyes glanced over to Sam and Castiel briefly, urging calm from the both of them. She thought carefully back to the day that seemed like so long ago now. There was a clang in the bar, Dean reached for a pin, and then ran after Artemis. He had touched her. That was the last thing he remembered. He'd touched her with a smile and she had turned to him with an affronted, wide woodland gaze.

"I touched you, but only to give you this." Dean reached into her pocket carefully to pull out a finely crafted, silver deer pin. "You dropped it. I didn't want you to lose it."

Artemis' surprise caused her face to relax and her arm to lower slowly. She stood back and stared down into Dean's palm with emotional eyes. "I've been looking for that," Artemis said, at last. "You had it all this time?"

Dean had no idea what the significance of the pin was, but she was glad the fiery girl had settled down. "Well, not on purpose. I tried to give it back to you. I don't want it."

Artemis gasped as Dean placed the pin in her hand. Clearly, she was not fond of physical contact. "But, no…" Artemis insisted. "I could read your lecherous thoughts."

"My what now?" Dean exclaimed, her eyes growing wide. "You can read thoughts? Only the lecherous ones?" As soon as Dean realized her mind might be on display, she tried extra hard not to think anything inappropriate. No wonder she had been screwed over. If thoughts were in play, Dean would never be safe.

"I can sense the intentions of men," Artemis explained. "I need to so that I can protect my chastity."

Sam was staring at Dean from afar, silently screaming for Dean to be careful with her words.

"Well, you are cute. I'm a man. What're you gonna do?" Dean shrugged and Sam's palm smacked into his face. Of all the things, why would Dean say something like that? The truth was that he had been eyeing Artemis in that bar. She had seemed adorably out of place, like a sweet girl trying to be rebellious. Dean noticed her because he noticed all women, especially the attractive ones. Dean wasn't ashamed at all and went on, "Yeah, sure, I'll think something. I can't help it, but I would never hurt a woman. I would never hurt you. If you turned me back right now, I'd just say 'thank you' and leave. I swear on my life."

Artemis didn't know what to do. She had never had a mortal challenge her like this and she found it disconcerting. She was a deity and Dean was a human, so she scoffed at the idea that Dean could be right while she was wrong. Then again, there was something special about the Winchesters. "How do you expect me to believe something like that when I've seen you at your worst?"

 _Sweetheart, you haven't seen shit_. Dean's worst involved killing, torturing, slicing, dicing, decapitating, and disemboweling. There was no way Artemis could have seen anything remotely near his worst in a bar. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I've been stalking you for weeks now," Artemis exhaled, which was news to Dean and Sam. "I kept hearing all about these 'Winchester boys.' Wondrous siblings that are _such_ great hunters. Hunters that are keen enough and skilled enough to lay waste to even the gods. I thought you would be like Hunahpu and Xbalanqu, and yet… I find you and you don't even notice I'm watching."

Dean saw her chance to shamelessly flatter the goddess to her advantage. "Well, you invented hunting, didn't you? Nobody's gonna be as good as you."

"You're the best, Artemis!" Sam cheered from the sidelines, and immediately felt awkward for having done it.

Even if she recognized the sycophancy, she appreciated the words nonetheless. Deity or not, the Winchesters were beginning to suspect that she did not have many friends. They were right, but there were many other things they could never know. Artemis had watched them hunt, amazed by how they targeted supernatural creatures specifically. That was a type of hunting vastly different from hers. Artemis had wanted to join them so badly, but they were two men. Her track record with male hunting companions was tragic and bloody.

"I tried to approach you," She admitted to Dean, alluding to the instances when she had watched the brothers while they had not been on hunts. "But I saw you go off with other women several times. And then I just felt…disappointed."

As easily as that, Dean saw her transform into an innocent being again. "Hey…" She said in a soothing tone. "No big deal. We'll just all go hunting together after you turn me back into a man. You, me, and Sammy, we'll hunt up whatever you want."

"No."

_Mother fucking son of a bitch._

"Artemis. Your holiness, what's the problem?" Dean settled her hands on her hips, frustrated beyond all hell. "You like hunting. I like hunting. But I also like being a man. We can just be a man and a woman hunting together."

"No." Artemis looked up at Dean. "Because this way you are perfect. You can be my virgin companion. This is the proper way for you to pay your tribute to me."

Castiel looked as panicked as the stoic angel was capable of looking. Sam and Cas were on the same wavelength. They began signaling to Dean to keep quiet about not being a virgin, because that was probably the surest way to set her temper off again.

"Oh… about that…" Dean struggled. "I mean, is that really important? The whole 'virgin' thing?"

"Of course! My finest worshippers were all maids," Artemis mused, thinking back to her golden era in which girls and women had a tradition of paying her tribute, serving as her companions, and singing her praises. She had been one of the most prominent deities of ancient Greece and later ancient Rome, but her legacy extended far before these civilizations. She was overjoyed at the opportunity to be able to relive those happy times with Dean. "To show my gratitude, I will protect your maidenhood, and you will enjoy some of the spoils of our hunts."

Dean found herself in the uncomfortable position of trying to explain that she didn't really want her maidenhood protected while also trying not to reveal that her maidenhood had already been thoroughly obliterated multiple times by Castiel. Dean chewed on her lip, unable to resist thinking about how good it felt for her maidenhood to be thrown into the wind. _Fuck maidenhood._ She struggled to focus on the conversation at hand.

"You are not a maid," Artemis stated. Her voice was even, but full of displeasure.

Realizing that her lecherous thoughts had been plucked from her brain, Dean denied as fervently as she dared. "What? Me? No, no, no!" She waved her hands, "Of course I'm a 'maid.' Psh, I'm the purest of maids."

Artemis was devastated. Not even the biggest fool would have believed Dean. She glared at Sam and Castiel, waving her bow at the men. "Which one was it?" She cried. "Who dared defile you?"

Dean ignored, for the moment, that Artemis implied she might have been screwing her own brother to defend Sam and Castiel. "Nobody defiled me!" Dean replied. She placed herself between Artemis and the others to protect them. "Seriously. You don't have to avenge my maidenhood or anything like that."

"Then you did it willingly. I gave you the gift of virginity and you just threw it away?" Artemis was newly furious.

 _I just want to be a man. Why is this so fucking difficult?_ Dean put up her hands, hoping to calm her down. She couldn't argue with the likes of her. Any word she believed in would offend the toga right off the goddess. She wasn't sorry about sleeping with Castiel. Dean had probably defiled Castiel more than he had defiled her.

"You don't respect anything I stand for!" The goddess cried.

"That's not true," Dean answered quietly. "Not true."

"Did you even get _married_?"

Dean dodged her question. "I respect virgins, okay?"

"Name one virgin you respect. Name one virgin you didn't immediately bed." Artemis challenged her. "Not including me because you clearly do not respect me."

Castiel was the first to come to mind, but of course, Castiel was no longer a virgin and that fact was all due to Dean. Artemis' question wasn't fair. This was America in the 21st century. Women didn't last long as virgins, as far as Dean was aware, and he was certain they didn't go around announcing it. _Name one. Just one, Dean._ She groaned because every virgin that came to mind had been one that had been eager (and successful) at sleeping with Dean as a man. Artemis was growing impatient. She paced around Dean and her dogs mimicked her actions. "Okay!" Dean shouted. "Just hang on! Let me think about this for a second."

Sam thought it was painful to watch. Dean tried to concentrate on all the women that made a difference in his life. Apart from his mother, they were all women he'd slept with. Dean thought about Jo, but was almost positive she hadn't been a virgin. "What if it's a woman that's not a virgin, but I didn't sleep with her? Does that count?"

"You disgust me."

"Well, she might have been a virgin!" Dean explained. "I never asked! This isn't a fair question. How am I supposed to know?"

"I am thankful you returned my pin, but you don't deserve to be a man. You believe a virgin is an object to conquer," Artemis answered. There was no way she would return Dean to a male body if he would use that body to deflower as many women as possible with little regard for them. Dean was afraid she was about to vanish, so she shouted out to her.

"No, please!" Dean pleaded. In her anxiety, she remembered the face of a girl. "There was this girl…"

"A real girl?" Artemis prodded.

"Yes," Dean answered with a sense of solemnity that drew the goddess' attention. Dean swallowed, fighting back some unwanted feelings. There was a reason it had taken her so long to come up with a virgin she respected. The story was full of agony that she wished to repress. "She was a fucking hero."

Artemis didn't approve of her language, but she crossed her arms over her chest and listened. "Did she have a name?"

"Nancy," Dean answered. "Sammy and I were in a bind with a lot of other people. Demons were flooding in on us like the rats they are. This girl, Nancy, she was gonna sacrifice herself so we could all live."

Sam remembered that day and he didn't think fondly of it. He looked down at the ground, trying to forget the fate of those people.

"A demon wanted to use her as a part of a spell to wipe out all the other demons," Dean explained. "But I said no. Over my dead body. I wasn't gonna sacrifice a virgin for that. I wasn't gonna let somebody rip out her heart. I couldn't stand around to watch that."

"Don't talk to me about not respecting virgins," Dean asserted. "That day, I don't know if there's anyone I respected more. And I let a bunch of people die for it. She was just a kid. A God-fearing, genuine kid, and I'll never forget her name. I'll never forget what she did."

When Dean spoke with the passion of a righteous soldier, Artemis believed the stories about the Winchesters. She had been looking for talented, brave, and virtuous men and she could see all of those qualities in Dean. Virgin or not, Dean was worthy.

"You satisfied?" Dean jeered, not happy at all about having been forced to tell that story.

"Yes," Artemis answered. "You are fit to be my companion."

"Will you change me back?" Dean asked fretfully.

"If that is what you truly want, yes."

Dean, Castiel, and Sam all celebrated inwardly. Dean gestured happily and looked up to the heavens with gratitude. That was all she had ever wanted. "I do. I want to be a man again. No offense. It's just what I am."

"I can accept that," Artemis stated. "After a year of service, you will return to your male body."

 _What._ Dean leveled her eyes at Artemis. "Are you joking?"

"Do you think service to me is a joke?" Artemis shot back. She wanted her female hunting companion and she would have one even if she was not chaste. "It's an honor. It's tradition and it is fair."

"I'm nobody's servant," Dean grit back through a clenched jaw. She didn't care if the service involved living in the lap of luxury, braiding each other's hair, and feeding each other grapes. Dean was a free agent that submitted to no one.

"One year," Artemis repeated herself.

"One week," Dean fired back.

"A year," Artemis stated angrily. "Or you stay a woman forever."

Dean was ridden with apprehension. She wanted to be a man so badly that she was willing to haggle. "Two weeks. Not a day more."

"One year," Artemis raged, "You cannot bargain with a goddess. One year or you get nothing."

"What about a month?" Dean tried to weasel her way out of this year. A year was too long. "It's not that I don't wanna go hunting with you, but I've got Sammy to look after. I've got a job. I have to do things."

"No excuses. A year or nothing."

Dean fidgeted. Behind her, Sam and Castiel were watching with rapt attention. They both thought she should probably take the deal, but they knew Dean well enough to know that this could only end badly. Watching Dean and Artemis converse was like watching a pair of bulls butting heads.

"Say you accept," Artemis commanded.

Dean's eye twitched. She watched the dogs at the goddess' feet and wondered if she would be subjected to playing fetch and playing dead. Her core rejected this proposal wholeheartedly. She was tired of being forced into situations that didn't suit her. Dean was a mortal and every year, no, every second counted. If she went off with Artemis, she also doubted she could still be with Cas. Dean belonged beside Cas and Sam. Nobody could take her from them. She silently refused with a vehemence that was perceivable by the goddess.

"Say yes!" Artemis snarled. She wasn't going to dare let a human embarrass her. She could only entreat Dean so many times before she settled into a wrathful mode.

"No," Dean replied firmly. She would never give in to a bully even if it was one that could crush her like a bug. Artemis had been wrong about everything and Dean didn't think she should have to pay for it. Just once the Winchester would like to meet a deity that wasn't a power-tripping piece of shit. Dean glared at Artemis, and the goddess transformed into a mass of shining leaves that was carried away by the wind in a stunning, dramatic movement.

Dean was enraptured by the magic of her exit and confounded by what she would have to do now. An irate grunt fell on her ears and she noticed a wild boar charging at her too late to move out of the way. The beast crashed through the glittering leaves and pierced Dean's leg with its tusks. The animal bucked its head up to slash through her skin, which sent blinding pain through Dean's nerves. Barks, snarls, and growls filled the forest.

"Fuck!" Dean howled and scrambled away from the boar with a pronounced limp. The animal followed her but was stopped from making a second attack by the angelic sword that pierced through its heart and splattered blood all over Dean.

"Dean, run!" Castiel shouted to the woman that was trembling in agony.

Dean bit the inside of her mouth and tried to summon all her strength. Her hand shook as she pulled out her gun. Another boar came from behind and she fired a fatal shot into its skull. The dogs occupied Sam. Castiel had been quick enough to evade them and help Dean, but Sam was left throwing snapping canines off his body. When Dean fired at the dogs, they disappeared unharmed, like sand on a breeze.

Dean staggered towards the Impala, but her injury was so severe that her leg gave out and she landed face first into the dirt. As soon as she did, ants were magnetized to her body, digging into her skin and her wound. Grunts and other noises in the distance prompted her into urgency. The whir of bees followed her as Sam rushed to her side to help. Castiel fought off other boars and Dean cursed pitifully as she was stung and bitten by creatures that had been still and tranquil only moments ago. Finally, Sam hoisted her in his arms and ran.

Blood ran from the angry wound in her leg and ants burrowed into her open flesh, rendering Dean's leg useless. In between moaning and cursing, Dean had a violent coughing fit. When she removed her hand from her mouth to see a saliva-drenched spider crawling over her palm, she gagged and flung her hand violently to get it off. Sam unceremoniously dropped her in the backseat of the car where Castiel quickly joined her. Sam hurried to the driver's seat and started the engine.

"Get them off me! Get them off me!" Dean cried and flailed, tearing her shirt open to reveal a body covered in bite marks and insects. Castiel killed every one he could and brushed the rest off. A looming roar drew all their eyes to the forest behind the Impala. Dean's eyes went wide as a furious bear charged in their direction. "Sammy!"

"Shit! Shit!" The youngest Winchester hit the gas, driving the car out of range of the brown bear's vicious swipe. He glanced in the rear view mirror to see the massive animal raised on its hind legs, still watching.

Sam found the road and hurled down it as fast as he could. He nearly hit a stag that leapt in front of the car. "You've got to be kidding me!"

Every living thing in the forest was a potential enemy. While suicidal, hoofed animals bombarded the speeding vehicle, Castiel became absorbed in tending to Dean. He pulled off her bloody boots with all the delicacy he could afford and the woman hissed with pain. Her breaths were shallow and panicky as she clawed into the leather seats with red-stained hands. When Castiel's fingers neared the wide gash in her leg, she screamed, "Don't touch me!"

She deserved to bleed out, she thought. She deserved to feel all the agony that filled her body. If she could immortalize this feeling of lowliness and suffering into her memory she hoped that maybe in the future it would help her resist being so obstinate. Dean was sobbing, not because of the horrendous pain, but because she was certain she had just ruined her only chance of becoming male again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean recuperates from being thrashed by Artemis.

"Sam," Castiel addressed their edgy driver who was weaving left and right to dodge animals that were possessed with the uncontrollable urge to destroy the Impala. "Dean needs to get somewhere safe as soon as possible. I can take him to the motel – "

"Do what you have to do, Cas," Sam urged, "Don't worry about me, I got this." He watched his sibling and the angel vanish in the rearview mirror when he glanced to them and then focused his eyes back on the road. Only one stag had been successful at hitting the car, but, thankfully, it had not caused serious damage. Its broad body had swiped back of the car, but its antlers and hooves had not scratched it. Sam was aware that he hadn't just been protecting their lives, but Dean's most precious object. His eyes narrowed at a particularly large animal up ahead that stood in the middle of the road staring at Sam. Unexpectedly, it calmly moved out of the road as Sam neared. The attacks stopped.

_They just wanted Dean._ He sighed and was grateful that Castiel had been able to zap Dean out of harm's way. The motel was still a fair distance away.

Castiel and Dean appeared in the bathroom of the room they had rented in case they needed to leave the forest in an emergency. To add to Dean's injury, she was now reeling from having been forced to teleport. The sound she made when they materialized in the bathroom indicated that she was just one wrong move away from becoming sick all over Castiel's coat. The angel settled her on shaking legs into the bathtub where she continued to sob quietly, but pitifully.

"I fucked up, Cas," She hiccupped through snotty sobs. Her face was tinted by a sickly pallor. "I fucked up real bad."

Hard as she tried, she couldn't stop the flow of misery that demanded to be let out of her body. The male that was somewhere inside of Dean noted that his female body was processing pain and emotion in ways that were subtly different from what was typical for Dean. That was just another piece of evidence of how wrong the state of affairs was. She couldn't even feel despair in the same way her male body did. She had no control over her body. Dean wrapped her hands around the lapels of Castiel's coat, unable to suppress the emotions of pain, resentment, and dread that were bubbling forth.

Castiel could not heal her despair, so he worked on her body. He lifted a hand to turn on the shower with his telekinetic abilities and then he gingerly peeled off Dean's shirt. Insects spilled into the tub and he threw the shirt to the side. Water splashed over Dean's head and body, washing grime, sweat, and blood down the drain. She stepped back on her bad leg and let out a wretched whimper.

Castiel's eyes trailed down her body to inspect the damage. From her twitching, her inability to set her foot down normally, and the amount of blood she had lost already, he assessed that the injury was a serious one that probably included some nerve damage. He moved his hand down with the aim of repairing Dean's body, "Let me heal your leg."

"What if I just take this one?" Dean muttered back in a darkened tone. She grabbed Castiel's arm to keep it in place, sniffling as she spoke. "You're gonna spoil me. I'll get weak and rusty if you keep helping me like this. You won't always be there."

"I'm not going to watch you bleed to death," Castiel growled back.

"But you might have to," Dean's misty eyes set on the angel's face feebly, "Someday."

With a single sentence she was able to deal him a devastating blow. Cas had trouble watching her tremble and bleed, but he couldn't tolerate what she was suggesting. It made him angry. He crushed his mouth to hers, hoping to kiss the stupid and the hopelessness out of her. Even though she was in pain, she clutched on to him and responded desperately. The angel's hand slipped to the inside of her thigh where he traced some of his power into her leg to discreetly heal the torn ribbons of flesh covering her tibia.

When they broke apart, he grabbed her face firmly. He addressed her with a stony voice, "Not today."

She would have liked to have argued with him, but she didn't have the energy and she didn't have the will to challenge the seriousness that he embodied. Dean cautiously set her newly mended leg down and curled her fingers around Castiel's coat more securely. She knew she shouldn't have said what she said, but she was wounded on more than one level. Dean drew Castiel close and left breathy, troubled kisses on his lips. She was clinging to him so forcefully, that he was dragged into the tub with her. Dean slipped down slowly, pulling Cas down with her until they were both lying underneath the spray of the water. Then, she crumbled into tears again and buried herself into Castiel's body. No matter how badly she needed it and how markedly every fiber in her being called for it, she would never ask to be held.

Yet, while she struggled to regain composure, Castiel embraced her tightly. Cas had never cried before, but he thought that if Dean continued to fall into these fits of despair, sooner or later, he might. The angel was dry-eyed but furious and disheartened as he cradled Dean in his arms. He couldn't squeeze her tightly enough.

Dean couldn't string sentences together to explain everything she was afraid of and everything that made her feel fragile, worthless, and wrong, so she didn't say anything. Finally, Castiel moved his hands to the waistband of her pants to undo the button there. He helped her slip out of her bloody, shredded jeans and threw them over the side of the tub. After the water rushed over her legs, he turned the water off and gathered her into his arms again where she remained.

A door slammed, keys jangled and clanged, and heavy footfalls fell rapidly on the floor, announcing Sam's arrival. He hurried into the bathroom, heaving dismayed breaths with worry lined on his face. The angel and his brother were both wet and miserable, sitting in the tub together. Castiel turned to Sam, wearing a grim expression. Dean, nearly naked and pale, appeared to be calm but unresponsive. Sam wanted to shout or throw something because it wasn't fair for an immortal being who was at least several thousands of years old to pick on a human. Seeing his sibling torn down kindled a rage within him because Dean was the most remarkable person he knew and the person he loved most, above all others. Sam stood near the door, huffing furiously before speaking. "Is Dean okay?"

"She's not bleeding anymore. I healed the wound," Castiel replied. Dean was lethargic and glum. She couldn't look at Sam knowing that she had failed so miserably.

Not knowing what else to do, Sam left and returned will a full glass of water. He settled down by the tub and placed it in Dean's hands. The woman stirred and drank the liquid slowly with dark thoughts accumulating in her mind. She wouldn't cry in front of Sammy. The hands with which she clasped the glass were dangerously forceful. "We ought to kill her," Dean croaked out at last. "Find a way to kill her."

Sam took the glass from Dean before she snapped it in half and became covered in even more blood. Perhaps the worst enemies were those that were similar. Sam couldn't help but notice that Artemis and Dean both had immovable wills and that disagreement with them could be synonymous with death. They were lonely, violent hunters that desired loyal companions almost as much as they desired to hunt. Killing Artemis would make Dean feel better, but it probably would not solve her problem anymore than killing Dean would have solved Artemis'.

"We'll do what has to be done to get you back," Sam answered firmly. "Why don't you change and we'll talk about it, kay? Are you feeling all right? Do you need anything?"

"I'll live," Dean grunted back. Sam gave her some privacy. When he left, she turned around and set her hands on either side of Castiel. She was still feeling feeble, but at least she was whole. "Thanks for the leg."

Castiel couldn't decipher what she was thinking, but she was exuding sex and murder in her eyes and in the quirk of her lip. Cas was anxious and a little bit confused, so he decided it would probably be best for him to give her some space as Sam had done. When he started to move, she grabbed on to his tie.

"I'm serious," Dean said. The angel didn't know his own value to Dean, mostly because Dean didn't know how to express it.

"You're welcome," Castiel answered. After some consideration, he pressed his lips to the side of her face. His sweet and serious gesture was marred by his clumsy, slippery exit from the tub. His dress shoes sloshed as they carried him into the other room, leaving Dean with a contented smirk on her face.

Castiel found Sam pacing the room and thinking furiously to himself. When he noticed Cas, he gave him his heartfelt gratitude. "Thanks, man. Thank you for taking care of Dean's leg."

"You're welcome," The angel answered. He had saved Sam from making a long, frustrating trip to the ER. Sam was decent with stitches after having been exposed to wide gashes and gruesome injuries so regularly, but this injury had been one that mostly likely would have required a real doctor's hand. Sam's eyes darted to the bathroom as he heard the water turn on. When he fixed his gaze back on Castiel, he was startled by how the man had magically dried himself in a matter of seconds.

"Dean is not happy," Castiel stated the obvious and then frowned deeply, "I'm not sure what the best thing to do is."

"No kidding! Artemis is crazy! Batshit," Sam returned. "How does anyone negotiate with her?"

"I don't know," Castiel replied. "But she may be the only person that can turn Dean back. And I mean turn him back completely and fully, without any caveats."

"I don't want Dean to be a girl forever," Sam stressed and began pacing again. He tore at his hair. "I miss Dean. The old Dean. I want him back."

Castiel was silent. He cast his eyes to the ground, thinking that it was right for Dean to return to the way he had always been even if that meant they would never have sex again. "We'll think of something."

Dean emerged, wearing a towel and nothing else. She looked like she had been frantically thinking every second she had been in the shower because she was bursting with ideas. She looked at the men and said, "Cut off the head or impale the heart. That takes care of almost everything."

"You want to catch Artemis?" Sam questioned, "And run through her heart?"

"And then cut off her head." She stated, "For good measure."

"But what if she's the only one that can change you back?"

"I don't give a fuck, Sammy!" Dean shouted. "I'm gonna borrow Cas' sword and ram it up her ass. She doesn't want to turn me back anyway."

Castiel and Sam regarded Dean. Neither had as much hatred for the goddess but they were sympathetic to Dean. Castiel had gladly killed for Dean before, but he wasn't sure if now was a time when murder would be in their best interests. Before he knew it, Dean was invading his space. "It can kill angels, yeah? That sword you've got? So it's the thing that's most likely gonna be able to kill Artemis. If not that, we've still got the knife."

She was picturing how she would ram the angel blade deep in her chest cavity before digging in the demon-slaying knife. One or the other had to work. With a pierced heart and no head, it was hard to imagine any goddess going about her business as scheduled. Dean was only capable of seeing blood and revenge.

"But, she did say she would turn you back," Sam offered quietly. "We could still be able to influence her. If you kill her, you might be stuck like this."

"How, Sammy? How the fuck do you think you can change her mind, huh?" Dean fumed. "What're you gonna give her some puppy eyes? Think that'll work? You want me to grovel to her? You want me to get on my knees and say, 'I'm sorry Artemis, I'll go ahead and be your fucking slave.'"

"You don't belong to anyone, Dean. You never will," Castiel interjected. "Not to her." The more the angel thought about it, the more he was relieved that Dean had rejected the goddess' offer. Cas retreated into himself for a moment and then offered a suggestion. "The goddess doesn't want anything except companions, as far as we can tell. I could serve her instead."

"What? No," Dean answered instinctively. "You're not gonna be anyone's bitch, okay?"

Reluctantly, the angel continued to support his proposition. "I'm used to service."

Both Winchesters marveled at Cas and the amount he was willing to sacrifice for them. Sam's lip trembled, "We could never let you do that, Cas."

"It's only a year," He said, as if a year was only minutes. "It wouldn't be a service to her if Dean benefitted."

"Shut up. Shut your freakin' mouth," Dean held up her hand. "No. You're not doing that."

She looked like she was prepared to smack him if he even dared to suggest such a thing again. Even so, Castiel tried to explain that a year would pass by quickly for him and that it would be worth it. "But, Dean – "

"I said no!" Dean snarled. "You're family. Family doesn't sell each other out. For fuck's sake, Cas. I'd rather keep my tits." She crowded around him and set her hands on his chest. She spoke slowly and sternly, "All I need is that angel sword, babe. A knife to the heart and we're done. Where do you keep it?"

She felt around the lining of his coat, mystified by the lack of a sword. Castiel didn't push her away because he welcomed her hands on his body at any time. Cas frowned, "After you kill her, what would you do?"

"I don't know. I don't have to know. I'll make somethin' up," Dean answered. She couldn't accept the goddess' proposal so she would find another way. Castiel glanced to Sam and found him pondering and unconcerned with their activity.

"Alright, guys. I've got an idea," Sam said and removed his thinking hand from his chin. "Hear me out."

"Yeah?" Dean quirked a brow and looked over to Sam, but kept her hands on Cas.

"What if we fight fire with fire?" Sam suggested. Excitedly, he explained, "Think about it. What's the only thing that could definitely best a goddess?"

Dean rolled her eyes, "Spit it out, Sammy."

"Another goddess!" Sam exclaimed. "Or god."

* * *

"This is a bad idea," Dean shook her head with her arms crossed over her chest. The very next day, Sam took to preparing to pray for another deity. Since a deity was the root of all their problems, Dean could not condone this activity.

"I know it's not perfect, but it's better than chopping off Artemis' head and letting you stay a woman forever," Sam replied.

"No, it isn't!" Dean responded. "Because my idea doesn't drag another supernatural piece of shit into _our_ problems. Gods and goddesses are just another kind of Supe, and Supes are no fucking good."

"What about Cas?" Sam cocked his head to the side. Dean made gestures of her frustration. Of course Castiel didn't count. Cas was an angel, not just literally, which didn't mean much, but figuratively. Castiel was a sweetheart and a member of the family as far as Dean was concerned.

"Don't compare Cas to these low-lives!" Dean huffed, but had nothing else to say.

"It'll be alright," Sam said, even though he was doubtful. He had scoured the available mythology to find the deity most likely to lend them a helping hand. If Artemis had been keeping an eye on them, maybe others had as well. If the Winchesters had become the stuff of legend, maybe some god would take pity on them. "The goddess of love and beauty. If we can't trust her, who else could we trust? We need help, Dean."

"If I get another pig in the leg for this, Sammy, so help me God…"

Sam ignored Dean to prepare the ritual. He had placed apples and roses on the table beside a bottle of wine and a glass. He didn't have to fake humility or piousness because he had an inner faith that remained steadily burning despite everything they had been through. "For Aphrodite…" He said as he poured some wine into the glass. "Aphrodite Anadyomene, beautiful, golden goddess. Ever radiant Morning Star. Venus Caelestis, please hear my prayer…"

_He's laying it on thick_. Dean shifted uncomfortably as she watched Sam woo the goddess with charming words. She had to admit, Sam had done a fairly good job of creating a romantic vibe in the motel room. The scent of roses filled the air and the lit candles on the table produced a warm, welcoming atmosphere.

"Goddess of Love, lend me your luminous powers," Sam prayed reverently. He was praying for Dean and for a peaceful resolution to this situation. He believed that sometimes love deserved to win. "Aphrodite Ourania, please help. Please come."

The room was getting misty, but it wasn't due to anything Sam had done. A dewy cloud emerged and the silhouette of a woman formed within it. When the dew dispersed, the goddess was standing before them, completely naked.

Dean's jaw dropped and even Castiel stared at her in wonder. She had the longest, dark auburn hair Sam had ever seen. Her shining locks spilled over her body, as the only covering for her smooth, pearly skin. "Winchesters…" Aphrodite sighed, truly pleased to be in the room with them.

She regarded Sam with eyes the color of the deep ocean. "Did you do all of this for me?" She waved a hand to the table and then picked up the bouquet of roses. She inhaled their perfume, letting the beautiful red petals rest on her face. Sam had never painted before, but he got the urge to immortalize her holding those roses when he saw how pleased they made her. Sam couldn't say that this woman was as beautiful as the flowers in her hands. Rather, it was the flowers that attempted to mimic _her_ , but could not quite achieve the task. Aphrodite lifted the glass of wine and appreciated the way the sparkling liquid swirled within the glass before lifting it to her nose. She sniffed it and then took a dainty sip.

The cogs in Dean's brain made an abrupt one hundred and eighty degree turn, which Castiel observed with some displeasure. After Dean remembered she was capable of walking, she wandered near Aphrodite and stared. The goddess was unreal and Dean thought, in passing, that she needed to touch her just to make sure she wasn't a brilliant hallucination. After looking at her, Dean didn't think she could desire any other woman.

"You must be Sam Winchester. The tall one." The goddess gave Sam a winning smile. Aphrodite had been purposefully making eye contact with him in between enjoying her gifts. "And then you're…Oh. Oh, Dean. What happened?"

"You know who I am?" Dean smirked like a fool, and was very proud of herself. _She knows who I am._

"Dean got turned into a woman by, um…" Sam began and was unable to remember the name of that other girl. Sam had not seen a naked woman in quite some time, and he had never come across one that was so comfortable in the nude. "Uh…"

"Artemis," Castiel offered helpfully. He couldn't let himself be taken in by Aphrodite's spell if he was going to help Dean. The angel got the goddess' full attention. With resolution, he entreated her, "Can you help us return Dean to his true body?"

Now this was something of interest. Aphrodite drank as she contemplated the situation, but she quickly got distracted by imagining three handsome men in the room with her instead of only two. She set down her offerings in favor of studying the female Dean. The goddess became the slightest bit unnerved that the other woman happened to be particularly attractive. If Dean had not been staring at her with such admiration, Aphrodite might have been offended. But Dean was adoring, just as the deity believed all humans should be. Aphrodite approached Dean and placed her hands on Dean's soft face. She caressed Dean's hair, which made the eldest Winchester purr, "That feels good."

"Are you as handsome as your brother as a man?" Aphrodite asked.

"Yes," Dean answered and then, with the cock of her brow, she added, "At least as handsome, but probably more."

Aphrodite appeared wounded. She mourned the handsomeness that was kept from her eyes by Artemis. How could she admire the face of the legendary hunter Dean if he was wearing the wrong skin?

"Oh, absolutely," Aphrodite cried, "I will help." The situation was a trifle to her, like changing a light bulb or going to get the mail. What seemed impossible to Dean, Sam, and Cas was just another simple task for the goddess of love and beauty. Or, at least, that was the way she made it appear. She certainly did not rush at the task. She settled her bare bottom into the chair and continued to savor the wine that had been provided to her. She lifted a shiny apple in her hand and was pleased by its prettiness, "Oh, how lovely. I adore apples."

"It's organic," Sam replied. Dean immediately smacked him on the shoulder.

"Here is my proposition. We can all go have a chat with my darling Artemis. I will dissolve all of your worries and set the world back as it should be," Aphrodite announced.

"Yes, thank you," Dean gushed. She was unusually liberal with her words. "You're so beautiful. Inside and out. Thank you, ma'am. It means everything to me."

Aphrodite settled the fruit in Dean's hands, offering it to the Winchester because her sweet, honest words had affected the goddess. Meanwhile, Castiel's jealousy rose steadily, but he masked it with his familiar stoic expression. Every god and goddess had a motive, and Castiel was observing her closely to find out what it might be. This woman of myths had been responsible for multiple deaths, but always indirectly. Castiel wasn't certain that she could accomplish what she said she could, but he had never felt his judgment more clouded. The sight of Dean fawning over the great, beautiful woman tainted every one of his conclusions.

Aphrodite suggested that they leave the motel in favor of a more natural setting. She did not remark on how the bed sheets and large television set were tasteless eyesores, but those objects were her main motivation for leaving their current location. She could not even bear to look at the curtains, so she kept her back to them.

"Is that what you've been wearing as a woman?" Aphrodite indicated to Dean, "Out in public?"

Dean looked down at her attire that was similar to what she wore as a man. She favored layers and plaid, but today her boots were dirty, torn, and bloody. "Well, the boots – that was Artemis. I got an arrow in one and a pig in the other. They've seen better days."

The naked goddess waved her hand and Dean received brand new footwear. Dean's feet fit snugly into a pair of glossy black boots that were far more luxurious than the ones she had originally purchased. "Oh, wow. Thanks. These are _nice_."

They would be easier to walk in than the boots that had been shredded, but Dean also suspected that they would get scuffed the instant she did anything outside. Aphrodite turned to Sam and, with horror, she noted his pants that had been torn by canine fangs. "Oh, no! Dearest Sam, you couldn't possibly clothe your magnificent body in the rags of a common vagabond."

"C-Common vagabond?" Sam's face filled with a hint of pink. Hand-me-downs and thrift store purchases stocked his entire wardrobe. _Wait, did she say 'magnificent body'?_ In the next second, he was standing before the others in the clothing of a modern day prince. He wore a three-piece charcoal suit with a dark tie, polished shoes, and a watch that he would have to hide after this ordeal was over because it was an object that would either get destroyed or stolen in a matter of weeks of their typical living. "Thanks, you didn't have to."

Aphrodite only smirked back in reply and headed to the door, forgetting, or unconcerned, with the fact that she was totally lacking in clothing. Dean cleared his throat. "Aphrodite, with all due respect, you think maybe you should put on some clothes before we go out?"

She frowned at Dean.

"It'd be a real shame to cover you up, but if you go out like that, we could get arrested."

"Oh," She nodded and worked her magic on herself. Dramatic swirls of color began to wind around her body until she was clad in a blue and green ensemble that was as unique and creative as it was beautiful. "Is this good?"

"Yeah, definitely," The siblings responded in synch.

"It's very beautiful," Castiel joined in, knowing that his place was to praise the woman if they wanted her help. He could play this role with honesty because he saw a being that perfectly captured the majesty of the sea when he looked at her. Aphrodite reached out to touch the angel and his face became smooth from being freshly shaved. His attire became crisp and clean, and his hair became groomed into a neater array of thick brown.

"And you have your own kind of radiance," Aphrodite said, looking beyond his vessel. When she acknowledged the winged creature, emotion swam in her large eyes.

Even after they were out the door, their progress was slow. Aphrodite had needed time to admire the Impala that she identified as a 'beautiful chariot.' Dean agreed wholeheartedly and was not at all surprised that the authority on beauty loved the Impala. Dean had never been so proud of her baby. "Sammy, goddess gets shotgun."

"Can I drive?"

"No."


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aphrodite defends Dean and Castiel's misgivings grow.

"Turn left here."

"Aw, did you hear that, Sammy?" Dean grinned. "I love the sound of that. It's like having a goddess GPS. I can dig it."

Aphrodite's giggles chimed like delicate, silver bells. "What's a GPS?"

Even Castiel understood that reference, mostly. _A GPS is like a compass, you pagan whore._ Castiel's envious smoldering went unnoticed. He was sitting behind Dean with Sam at his side where he was subjected to listening to Dean's pleasantries as they were aimed at the woman sitting shotgun. The goddess who had been directing Dean to an unknown destination found these flirtations to be immensely gratifying. Neither Winchester was concerned at all with where they were being led.

From his seat, Sam kept trying to catch glimpses of the woman seated in front of him so nobody observed Castiel dissolve into a covetous creature. He watched Dean and Aphrodite flirt shamelessly until the sound of her musical laughter made him nauseous. Everything about her was so sickeningly beautiful that he could not tolerate it because he knew he could not compare. The angel seethed quietly.

"Dean! Watch the road!" Sam cried as his sibling began to swerve to the side. Aphrodite was truly dangerous in the most pleasant way. Being around her, Dean had about half the wits she normally had, which was saying a lot.

"You're just so pretty," Dean swooned, happy to continue flirting even if it endangered their lives, "It's hard to keep my eyes off of you."

"Maybe you should try harder," Castiel grumbled from behind.

"Cas, don't get your feathers all ruffled. I can drive and chat at the same time," Dean replied, which surprised Cas because the angel had been certain that he was now invisible to Dean.

 _By 'chat,' he must mean 'flirt.'_ Castiel's eyes met Dean's that were gazing at him through the rearview mirror. The angel's look was not a happy one. Dean simply smiled and carried on.

"So what's the deal with Artemis?" Dean asked. "She have a bad childhood? Is that why she turns men into chicks and tries to kill them?"

"I could never speak ill of my family," Aphrodite replied vaguely.

"I hear ya. Sammy and I are like this," Dean crossed her fingers. She would be damned if anyone dissed her brother. "Is Artemis your sister, or what?"

"Something to that affect," Aphrodite answered. "Oh, ice cream! Could we please stop?"

Attuned to the whims of the goddess, Dean was pulling over before she even asked. Soon, both Winchesters were watching Aphrodite lick a frosty treat with inappropriate interest. Dean hadn't even wanted ice cream but she bought one just so the goddess didn't have to eat alone. Dean's ice cream was melting in her hands as Aphrodite entranced her. The eldest Winchester didn't even know what flavor she had purchased and ended up throwing it away only half-eaten.

"Thank you for stopping. That was delicious," The goddess said.

"It's the least we could do," Sam interjected and Dean nodded in assent.

"You are such darling boys," Aphrodite purred and delicately ran her hand over Sam's chest. After returning to the car, the goddess led them to the countryside, which suited both her and Artemis because natural beauty was revered by both deities.

Dean followed behind the goddess, trusting wherever she was being lead. Aphrodite found a massive oak and settled down beside it. "This will be a good place," Aphrodite closed her eyes and sang sweetly to her relative in words only Castiel could understand. Her voice was powerful and inspiring, and the tune was ancient and magical.

Artemis' body slowly materialized in the canopy of the tree. At first, she was nothing more than a green, female-shaped shadow. Her figure became stealthily solid. Her face donned an impish grin. "I love that song. Aphrodite!"

"Arty!" The goddess of love stood and raised her hands to the woodland deity in a beckoning gesture. Aphrodite's voice and her lovely presence were potent enough to dull the senses of even the most gifted huntress. Artemis spilled from the tree into her arms, noticing the Winchesters and the angel as she fell. Her expression morphed from one of joy into one of wrath so quickly it was nightmarish. From Aphrodite's arms, Artemis reached for her bow and arrows. She backed away with readiness.

"What is this treachery?" She exclaimed, aiming her bow at Dean's head. Her fingers felt through nothing but air, and the silver bow and its string. Dean was smiling with triumph. Something was amiss.

"Looking for these?" Aphrodite called. She was holding all of Artemis' arrows in her hands, which infuriated the younger goddess.

"What are they doing here?" Artemis snapped. "Trick the mortals as you please, but do not play games with me!"

"Oh, darling. Who said anything about games? We are here to have a chat with you, nothing more. We must resolve this unfinished business."

"This is none of your business."

"It becomes my business when a beautiful man is threatened and made miserable," She paused and then went on, "I hear you are using boars to do your dirty work again."

An awkward silence fell over them. Artemis seemed uncomfortable and struggled with her following words.

"You can't be serious. This? _Again_? How many times do I have to tell you that was Ares?" Artemis grumbled quietly to Aphrodite, referring to some event in their past. The goddesses had grudges that would outlast time.

"Oh, I know. It's just a coincidence that handsome, innocent men continually become fatally wounded by wild things," Aphrodite waved her hand dismissively. Jealousy and guilt were some of the invisible arrows of Aphrodite's arsenal that she wielded masterfully. "You're only the goddess of wild animals. As ever the blameless virgin."

Dean glanced over to Sam and gave him a look as if to say, _It's about to get all Jerry Springer in here._ All order of intelligent beings seemed to have family issues. Sam and Dean were only getting a sliver of a glimpse of how dysfunctional the Greek gods were.

"Goddess of so-called beauty," Artemis countered. "Vanity, cunning, and deceit will never be beautiful to my eyes."

"Whoa, okay. Hey, let's not – " Dean only got halfway through speaking before Artemis hurled herself on the eldest Winchester. They got into a wrestling match that was as feisty as it was graceless and oddly adorable. Hand-to-hand combat was not Artemis' forte. "What's your figgin' problem, lady?" Dean shouted, "What the hell did I ever do to you?"

"I despise you! You _would_ reject chastity and defend the harlot," Artemis spat. "You call yourself a hunter, but you are the most pitiful follower I have ever seen! You completely lack respect and do not deserve a say!" Dean pinned Artemis into the leaves on the ground and got a rough slap to the face for her efforts.

"You see, this is why you don't have any followers," Aphrodite remarked as she walked around the scuffling women. Artemis flipped Dean over and was prepared to strike her again, but Castiel pulled her off. Without her arrows and her dogs, she was easier to handle. The angel detained her tightly, which allowed Dean to regain her footing. Dean's stinging cheek was marked with red.

"Unhand me, you wretched bird!" Artemis cried.

"Now, you listen, and listen well," Aphrodite appeared before Artemis and lifted a finger to chastise her. "You will return Dean to his true form now."

"No!" Artemis squirmed and dissolved into golden leaves. As she was making her exit, Aphrodite pulled her back into her solid female form. The goddess was able to keep her in place.

"Do you not see?" Aphrodite pulled the girl close and rested their foreheads together. "I am doing this because I love you." Even Artemis was subject to Aphrodite's charm. She calmed down to listen and Aphrodite's fingers laced into the goddess' dark locks. "Why would you destroy the life of a person you admire?"

"Because Dean has offended me too many times," Artemis responded. "You should have seen the offering she left me. The paper read 'hamburger.' I believe it was meant to be food, but it tasted like a rock soaked in dirty water. This is the offering the Winchester believes is fit for a goddess."

"You ate that? You ate the hamburger?" Dean interjected. So Artemis had been watching all along, and had purposefully ignored Dean's prayers.

"Yes, and it was foul," Artemis turned to Dean viciously. "How dare you offer me such unpleasant fare? I assume it was made of an animal because it smelled faintly of meat. What horror! That animal was not hunted! It was not killed with respect and so it had no taste, no love. Why should I do anything for a human that idolizes a brand of food that is not fit to be consumed? You are not my kind of hunter at all."

Dean had never been turned off hamburgers before now. She had never thought of them in such terms and was surprised that the goddess felt so strongly about it. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Meanwhile, Sam silently agreed with Artemis. He had been trying to tell Dean the same thing for years. Aphrodite simply laughed, "Excuses, nothing more. Don't blame the meat sandwich on what is happening here."

Artemis stood in defiance to the older goddess as Aphrodite paced around her. "You are in want of a companion," Aphrodite claimed, "How would you keep so much as even one friend if you make enemies of those that should be your greatest allies, and if you jump at the chance to kill every person that displeases you?"

Artemis didn't admit that she wanted to kill Dean, but she glared at the Winchester fiercely. "No human will ever have power over me. Dean has not earned the right to return to a male form. As a man, he would be depraved and would take liberties."

"Dean?" Aphrodite scoffed. "Please, Arty. Look at him. He won't touch another woman again."

This was news to Dean, who glanced at Aphrodite with thinly veiled anxiety. She hoped there wasn't a secret tradeoff or price that she would have to pay for soliciting her help. "What do you mean?" Dean hesitated. "I wouldn't touch Artemis, if that's what you mean."

"These are the most tragic stories of all," Aphrodite sighed, perceiving beyond words and appearances. At the moment, her wisdom surpassed that of all of the others around her combined. "When a man cannot acknowledge his own love, the world suffers."

Dean shrugged to Sam and Castiel. Artemis cut to the chase, "Enough of your riddles, woman. Speak candidly."

"Dean is in love with the angel."

The forest goddess burst into a boisterous laughter that was as charming as it was rare. Dean was stiff and now unwilling to face Castiel, who was staring at Dean with wide blue eyes. Cas was thinking that this was all some kind of trick – a scheme of Aphrodite's to achieve the end she wanted. Maybe it was a joke and Artemis' laughter was completely at his expense. "You can't be serious," Artemis wiped her face. She pointed at Dean and then to Cas. "That… with _that_?"

"How blind can you be?" Aphrodite responded. She was the embodiment of love and had sensed their deep affections almost as soon as she had laid eyes upon them. "Now that you know he is not a threat to you, or to any woman, return him to his body immediately."

At least now that she was laughing, Artemis was unlikely to resort to violence. She clapped her hands, "Well played, Aphrodite. I have enjoyed your jest."

"I do not jest." Aphrodite whipped around and settled Dean with an unexpected question. "Of the four of us, who would you bed if you could have any of us right at this instant?"

Artemis was too amused to take offense and listened with interest. Dean frowned and did not reply directly. She didn't have to know every tale of legend to know that picking between women, especially goddesses, was always a bad idea. Dean feigned ignorance, "Excuse me?"

"Who among us would you most prefer to engage in sexual intercourse? Myself, Artemis, Sam, or the angel?"

"Whoa, okay. Sam's my brother. That's just gross," Dean stalled. _Greek gods and their fuckin' incest…_

"Answer the question," Aphrodite commanded, albeit politely. "Honestly, if you please."

"Cas!" Dean spat back, and quickly regretted saying it. Dean was staring at the goddess of love and beauty incarnate, but Castiel's name still spilled from her lips easily. Dean was thinking that maybe she should have thought about her answer more carefully. _Oh, fuck. You idiot! You should've said Aphrodite._ "Wait, just a minute – "

"The first answer is always the right one," Aphrodite replied, reading Dean's doubt plainly. "Now, if Artemis returned you to your true form, who would you pick?"

"Cas," Dean responded thoughtlessly, for the second time. "N-No, wait! Can you repeat the question? I was thinking of me as a chick. Are we doing me as a dude now? Back up a sec!"

Aphrodite gently tapped Dean's cheek with her palm.

"I don't understand," Artemis interrupted. Now that it was evident that Dean hadn't discarded her virginity without reason, Artemis was beginning to see the situation from a different perspective. She wanted to guide women into successful marriages as much as Aphrodite did. Every maiden deserved the right to transition into motherhood. "Why would you want me to turn Dean back if she loves this creature?"

" _He._ Dean is a _he_."

Artemis waved her hand, "Dean would best serve the angel as a woman. They could marry, as is proper, and have children. In this love match, Dean has every advantage as a woman."

Dean stood between the others, feeling naked and vulnerable. In some ways, she felt like Aphrodite was conquering her more thoroughly than Artemis had. Full-blown panic and awareness settled into Dean simultaneously. As desirable as Aphrodite was, Dean still preferred Castiel. _You really meant Cas. Both times._

"What you describe has little to do with love," Aphrodite responded. "True love is reckless. Brave."

"Well, he never _said_ he was in love," Artemis debated just to be facetious. "Why exactly is it any of your concern?"

"Because the love between men is sacred and it is my duty to protect it."

Artemis chuckled, "Never has an Olympian been more duplicitous. What's your real reason?"

"Return Dean to his body," Aphrodite commanded again. "Your interference in the lives of these lovers will not be tolerated. Let Dean be himself, for that is the only way he can truly realize his love."

Artemis gave Aphrodite an irritated stare. In an instant, she decided she did not want to be pestered by the elder goddess over yet another man any longer, so she snapped her fingers and Dean became a man. Artemis was tired of looking at Aphrodite's face. The goddess' power only grew the more any being looked upon her. She was corrupting, while Artemis had an aim to be pure. "There," Artemis said. "Dean is a man."

Dean was not as happy as would be expected because he was bursting out of his clothing in manner that was excruciating. His hands flew to his crotch that was being stifled by too little fabric. "My…balls…" Dean gasped in agony, yet again resenting having purchased such small pants. "…can't…breathe."

Dean crumbled to the ground, struggling within the female clothing that was squeezing him like a vise. "Well, this will not do," Aphrodite remarked and waved her hand to remove every shred of Dean's clothing. Naked in the wild, Dean inhaled deeply with relief and gingerly sat up. He marveled at the sight of his broad hands and the muscles of his thighs that were familiar and beloved to him. His eyes were drawn between his legs and his lips broke into a wide, pleased grin. Aphrodite was wearing a similar grin as her eyes absorbed his bare form. "That's much better."

Artemis was hiding behind her hands, "Please clothe him."

Dean stilled when he recognized his body was being met with lusty, approving eyes. Out of modesty, he moved his hands to cover himself, but the goddess of love and beauty said, "Oh, no. That's not necessary."

"…C'mon…I mean, for Artemis' sake," Dean blushed.

"Very well." Aphrodite waved her hand again and Dean was clothed in traditional garb from her country. She swooned, "Oh, you are so handsome. Artemis, look."

Artemis peeked through her fingers before removing her hands to take in Dean's form. "Yes, very nice," Artemis responded sarcastically. "I've seen his face before. It's handsome enough."

"'Handsome enough'?" Aphrodite fawned over Dean, clasping her hands together in delight. She took his hand and guided him to his feet so she could inspect him from all angles. "You exceed my expectations."

Dean's joy and his enormous sense of relief culminated into the bear hug he gave Aphrodite. "I'm a man again!" He laughed and then spun around with the woman in his arms. "Thank you. Thank you, you friggin' beautiful goddess!"

"Thank you," He said to Artemis after he put the giggling Aphrodite down. He gave her a slight bow out of respect. Dean faced his brother and Cas with a sparkling smile. He spread out his arms, "Hey, check it out. Man. Male. Hombre. I got my junk back!"

Sam chuckled, thinking Dean looked hilarious in his new garb. He was dancing in a pair of baggy pants that were tucked into tall black boots. Dean wore a white shirt covered by a black vest. Sam thought he looked like an eastern European genie. The youngest Winchester beamed, "Man, did I ever miss your stupid face."

With a smile, Dean pulled on the fabric of his shirt, acknowledging that it wasn't his usual choice of clothing, but he didn't care. He was so happy he ran to Sam and lifted him off his enormous feet. "We're brothers again!"

Sam squeezed Dean back. Castiel didn't know what to do. Regardless of what Aphrodite had said, he had never been in an amorous situation with Dean when they were both men. He didn't know how to act. Cas had barely touched Dean as a male at all. His torment was obvious, but it lessened when Dean barreled into him and wrapped his arms snugly around him. "Cas, I'm a dude! I'm a dude again!"

Dean's joy was infectious. The angel's breath hitched in his chest and he hesitated before raising his arms to embrace Dean back. Cas savored the moment distinctly. The male Dean in his arms was the Dean he had first fallen in love with. He was everything Castiel could ever need or want. Cas was aching to hold him closer and cover him with kisses. Yet, for the moment, he didn't dare show more affection. Dean pulled away a little to look at his face with anticipation, still wearing his ecstatic smile. He was so beautiful that Castiel lost all of his words.

"Everything is quite well again. You may be on your way," Artemis stated. She was sad to have lost the opportunity to have her perfect female companion, but satisfied that she would not have to quarrel with Aphrodite any longer. Loneliness was her norm. She would recover from this loss soon enough. Artemis forgave him a little for all his transgressions because she had never seen Dean smile so brightly. At her core she knew he could never fill the role she wanted him to fit.

"Please, allow me two requests before you leave," Aphrodite said to Dean.

 _Uh oh, here it comes_. Dean abandoned Castiel and turned to the goddess. He gave her a suspicious gaze. "Two requests?"

"Yes, there are only two things I would like from you." She breeched his personal space and cradled his cheek in her hand. "I want your first kiss."

"Yeah, okay. That seems fair," Dean said effortlessly. With his consent, Aphrodite took her time drinking in Dean's fresh, beautiful lips in a kiss that was as passionate as it was prolonged. Artemis found the display to be vulgar, while Castiel found it maddening. The goddess took great pleasure in feeling Dean's skin beneath her fingers. When she pulled away, Dean gave her a hot, drunken look. He thought it was a price well worth paying.

Aphrodite traced his cheek with her finger and admired his face. Her heart swelled as her nostalgia was kindled. She had loved many humans, but Dean reminded her of one in particular. Dean and Castiel, together, took her to another time. She wanted Dean's first kiss as a new man to pretend that she could have everything that was theirs. The love shared between an immortal and a mortal was possibly the most powerful, yet fragile of all. It was dangerous, beautiful, and foolish. She could feel Castiel bristling up in anger without even having to look at him, but she did not care. Soon, he would have his human for as long as he lived.

"What was the second thing?" Dean huffed. Aphrodite was staring at him in a way that made him feel weak.

"I wish to bless your union with the angel," She said.

"Cas? His name is Castiel," Dean corrected her. He wasn't completely comfortable with what she was suggesting, but a blessing seemed harmless enough. "Okay."

Dean waited for something magical to happen. He expected Aphrodite to make them hold hands or kiss, but nothing extraordinary happened. The goddess clasped her hands together and blessed them silently. Dean did not know the significance of it, but he decided he didn't mind if someone wanted to bless whatever relationship he had with Castiel. He was not ashamed of the way he treasured Cas. Too many people tried to tear them down and rip them apart, so Dean had to approve of any being that helped them have a safer, more joyful life together.

Artemis had vanished, but Aphrodite remained for a moment longer to formally bid them farewell. She disappeared into mist, leaving three men behind. Dean gawked, "Is that it? Can we go?"

Sam walked around the grassy hill and observed the sky and the trees. The landscape was eerily quiet. "I guess so."

"Thank you, God! God _s_! Goddesses!" Dean raised his fists to the heavens, wearing an exultant expression on his face. "I feel so freakin' good. I missed you, body. I missed you so much!"

Dean took to feeling his biceps and abs to make sure everything was in order. He felt fresh and pure, like the newest of new men. He was so energized and thrilled that he could not keep quiet. "Was I this ripped before? Am I as fucking gorgeous as ever? Because I feel amazing."

Sam chuckled, "Shut up, Dean. C'mon. Let's get out of here."

Dean found the keys to the car and just about hopped to the Impala in glee. He sang a short, improvised song about being a man on the way back. He kept laughing and grinning like he was born to laugh and grin. The best part was that he had only needed to give away a single, worthless kiss. It was like being forced to eat chocolate before getting to eat pie. "You were right, Sammy. Aphrodite is the shit. Hands down, best goddess in the world."

"Yeah…I have to admit, it went more smoothly than I expected it to," Sam mused out loud. After a thoughtful pause, Sam asked curiously, "Hey…Did Aphrodite – did she just kinda gay-marry you and Cas?"

Dean's mouth opened and closed, wordlessly. When he regained his faculties for speech, he babbled, "I-I don't know! I don't care! If I get to be a man, I don't care if she gay-marries me to _you!_ It…um, I'm sure it doesn't make a difference. It was just a blessing, Sammy. Don't read too much into it."

"But she said you had a 'union.' And don't couples get blessed at their weddings?"

"If I'm gay-married, then where's my fucking cake? Cas, would you get a load of this guy? Back me up here…" Dean called to the angel, and was surprised by the displeasure on the angel's face that was reflected in the mirror of the car. "Cas, baby, what's wrong? Hey, don't worry about it, buddy. I'm sure it's just a thing Aphrodite does. Blessings are good, right? Angels like blessings, yeah?"

The only opinion Castiel cared for was Dean's and Dean was being rather cavalier about the entire situation. Dean brushed off every notion that he could be in love with Cas and Castiel did not appreciate it. He was only more certain that whatever they had briefly enjoyed together was now over. If Dean was so comfortable flirting with women in front of him and throwing away kisses to whoever asked, the angel doubted Dean's affections for him were very deep. He had glorified Dean's ability to overcome his simplistic human perceptions of the world only to be disappointed.

Castiel's abysmal mood set the tone for the rest of the ride back to the motel. Sam didn't inquire any more and Dean kept his celebrations of being male again to a minimum. He did continually steal glances of himself in the side view mirrors.

_Aw, yeah. I look damn good._


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean rejoices and settles things with Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And God said, "Let there be porn."

Dean smiled like he had during their entire drive as he pulled into the parking lot of their motel. The sense of normalcy that came with riding in the Impala with Sam and Castiel made his life seem complete. Whether they were all fighting, conversing, teasing each other, or saying nothing at all, it felt right for them to be together again, all as men. "Home sweet home."

"Now that you're a dude again, maybe we can move on and work on your concept of home," Sam responded with a sense of wariness in his voice as his eyes raked over the motel. "Because this is pitiful."

"Sammy, you're hurting my feelings. Home is where the heart is, bro."

Sam laughed in reply and got out of the car. He wasn't used to Dean being in such a good mood for so long. It reminded him of how they had been as boys and teenagers. "Well, I think we should celebrate – Oh! Holy! Geez…"

The sight of Castiel forcefully claiming his brother halted Sam's train of thought. Scarcely a few seconds after Dean shut the door to the Impala, he found himself pressed against the car with Castiel's lips on his. He was wide-eyed with surprise, but as Castiel expressed the heat in his heart, Dean relaxed. The angel refused to be dismissed, and decided he would put up a fight to keep Dean's affections. He used his mouth to try to prove to Dean why he did not deserve to be cast aside.

The keys to the Impala hit the pavement with the clatter of Dean's defeat. Castiel pulled away for only a moment to read the expression on Dean's face before pulling him in to another ardent kiss. Out in the countryside, Dean hadn't known what to do anymore than Castiel had. Throughout their ordeal, Dean's soul hadn't changed at all. He had wanted Castiel as a woman because a part of him always had.

Dean gasped and welcomed Cas' lips, holding tightly to the angel's trench coat because that was his automatic response. Dean had no idea what had brought on this sudden passion, but he liked it. Sex was never far from Dean's mind, and it was certainly high on his priority of things to do now that he was a man.

"I get your second kiss. And your third," Castiel explained in a gruff, commanding voice. Dean discerned some anger in the other man's steely eyes, similar to what he had felt in his kiss. Castiel had been quiet when Aphrodite stole Dean's lips for the first time, but he was determined not to allow another being the opportunity to touch Dean before he got his chance. There was something about the idea of Cas stewing over getting dibbs on Dean that stirred the Winchester's excitement.

"Aw, Cas." Dean let out a delighted sigh. He was happy to assess that his male body still knew how to respond to overt sexual cues. He was almost mewling with pleasure as he huffed, "When you get possessive and jealous like that, it makes me all tingly."

"Oh, okay," Sam stumbled on the other side of the car. His hand flew to the back of his head in a nervous gesture. Sam was honestly getting a little 'tingly' just watching them. He felt out of place to the extreme. They weren't paying attention to him at all, but he felt the need to explain his escape anyway. Sam placed his key to the motel room on the hood of the Impala. "Um. I'll just… I'll just get another room. Um. You can – okay, never mind. Bye."

Sam ran off and Dean didn't spare him a single glance. His eyes were fixed upon Castiel's penetrating blue gaze. "You sly dog…" Dean muttered as Cas stroked his cheek with his thumb. "You stole my first gay kiss. Who said you could do that?"

"Why, is there a problem with that?" Castiel asked and gently pushed Dean into the car, which caused the Winchester to recall some of his more pleasant memories of Castiel pushing him against things. Flashbacks of their bodies intertwining, of heated skin on skin, and of the multiple orgasms he had shared with Cas deeply affected Dean.

"N-No." Dean swallowed. Not for the first time that day, he'd answered a question impulsively before even understanding the full implications of his words. Resisting Castiel just did not come naturally to Dean. He took a moment to think because he was beginning to feel overwhelmed by the angel. He concluded that Castiel's mouth felt just as wonderful now as it had before. Dean was also very well aware of the desire Castiel had for him and noted that it only seemed more potent now that they were both men. Dean's nerves still instinctively lit up to Castiel's intensity like they were burning. "No, there's no problem. I… I wouldn't want it to be anyone else." Dean buckled slightly under Cas and breathed, "I don't want anyone else to gay kiss me."

Castiel's mouth settled over Dean's neck and felt the heightened throbs of his blood. Dean fidgeted when he felt the smoothness of Castiel's jaw on his collarbone. He wouldn't have expected that he could enjoy such a sensation so much. Stubble or no stubble, Castiel's jaw line was sexy to Dean.

"This clothing doesn't suit you," Castiel whispered and tugged on the vest around his lover's shoulders. He was, quite obviously, thinking of Dean naked. Cas was also thinking that he didn't like Dean to wear gifts given to him by Aphrodite.

"You think?" Dean mumbled, struck dumb by the domineering angel. "If you don't like it, take it off."

"I need you, Dean." Castiel cut through the light banter with words that were more direct than any he had used before. As much as he had privately promised he would be with Dean no matter what, he didn't think he could handle it if their relationship changed from what it had been over the last few weeks. Cas didn't want to be platonic with Dean. Into Dean's warm skin, he confessed, "I want you."

Dean shivered under Castiel's deep scrutiny. Dean hadn't known he had wanted to hear those words from Castiel so badly until the angel said them. _God damn it_. He had trouble summoning any of his characteristically teasing wit. "Who said you didn't have me?"

They remained out in plain sight, locking lips fervently. Dean fisted Castiel's dark hair as the angel's hands groped his waist, hips, and ass. At the same time that Cas was making him lose his mind, he was also making him question himself. Dean pulled away and panted, "This is weird."

"What's weird?" Castiel growled out in an impatient, intolerant tone. For good measure, he pressed Dean into the vehicle with greater dominance. Dean didn't seem to mind the gesture at all.

"It's weird…It's weird that it's _not_ weird at all," Dean whispered back. His body was so ready for Castiel that it was shocking. He wasn't disgusted by anything they were doing. Quite the opposite. He couldn't contain his desire for Cas and the importance of that fact was staggering. Castiel's hands were as welcome as his mouth. He wanted to slip a thigh between Castiel's legs because Dean wanted even his dick. It wasn't just a chick thing after all.

Castiel gave Dean a moment to process whatever revelation he was having. He pressed a distinctly gentle kiss on Dean's cheek, which drew the Winchester's attention to the angel. "Damn it, Cas."

Dean slung his arms around Castiel and brought their mouths together. He still found Castiel to be unbearably handsome with just enough sweetness in his behavior to move him deeply. It was aggravating to think that a man could mean so much to him. Dean, never previously acquainted with feelings so strong, cursed, "It pisses me off. You fuckin' trench coat wearin' bastard."

"What does this have to do with my coat? Don't take your frustrations out on the coat," Castiel muttered back. Castiel didn't understand exactly what Dean was thinking or rambling on about, but he didn't care because the man was still in his arms.

"Oh, I will," Dean answered. When he began to grip and pull off the man's coat, Cas hastily guided Dean inside their room. He hoisted Dean onto the table because it was the closest piece of furniture at his disposal. His coat hit the ground.

In between hot kisses, Dean pulled off Castiel's suit jacket and worked on the buttons of his shirt. He slipped a finger through the knot of Castiel's loosely fixed tie. As the blue ribbon slithered between them, guided by Dean's hands, he admitted, "I love taking off your clothes, angel."

Dean thought it was like unwrapping an incredible, handsome present. The Winchester didn't know what he had done to make Castiel desire him. Dean couldn't understand why anyone would hold him with so much adoration, much less a remarkable and holy being like Cas. Dean didn't think he was worthy enough to receive Castiel's devotion. He didn't think he should be allowed such a blessing any more than he deserved to live after all the mistakes he had made in his life. Having a life that was, in many respects, so short, but so full of blood motivated Dean to cherish the incomprehensible miracle that was Castiel's love for him.

"I love when you take off my clothes," Castiel countered as Dean undid his belt and slipped it out of its loops.

Dean wasn't thinking about being gay or not gay as Castiel stripped him of his clothing. He didn't care because Castiel was a being that always deserved to see his naked body regardless of the form it was in. Dean's boots hit the carpet with heavy thuds. Castiel licked the inside of his knees as he coiled the dark fabric of Dean's pants down his legs. Dean hissed as teeth sunk into his chest after his vest and shirt were discarded. Dean was re-learning every sensory reaction that used to be so common to him. He gasped, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I underestimated how much I missed having boners. Cas, if you don't touch my cock pronto, I'm gonna go nuts."

Castiel spit into his palm before wrapping his hand around Dean's warm, needy member. He caressed Dean and kissed him only for a few moments before kneeling down to draw his cock into his mouth. In his astonishment, Dean twitched and cried out softly. When he looked down to see the handsome, dark angel between his legs, it was difficult to believe he was not dreaming. "Yes," Dean muttered softly and laced his fingers into Castiel's mass of brown hair. "Fuck yes."

Whether they were locked away intimately or out doing anything together, Castiel kept finding ways to make Dean love him more. Dean reclined and sighed with pleasure in response to Castiel's amorous sucks and careful strokes. Dean smiled feebly, thinking that even the way Castiel sucked cock was adorable. Dean's fingers traced affectionate patterns through the angel's hair as he eagerly worked his mouth around his dick. When Castiel's tongue swirled around his erection, Dean whimpered and felt a familiar, much missed twinge. Castiel continued with untiring diligence.

"Cas, I'm gonna come," Dean warned through soft pants. "I'm coming!"

Cas didn't move and Dean filled his mouth with his seed. The angel pulled away, coughing, and then swallowed. Dean's mind was a scatter of praises, while his body hummed with gratification. Once Castiel regained most of his composure, he got back on his feet to loom over the grinning Winchester. "You didn't have to swallow it," Dean said apologetically, even though Castiel's coughing had been amusing in a pitiful kind of way. "Why didn't you move?"

When Castiel only cast him a timid expression and didn't answer, Dean's interest peaked. "It's almost like you wanted a mouth full of cum. Is that what you wanted?" Dean teased. Still not receiving an answer, Dean beamed. "Cas, you _dog_. Why would you?"

"Curiosity," He answered softly.

Dean was working hard to suppress his laughs. Just to provoke him, Dean grinned and pressed him, "Yeah? What'd you think?"

"Terrible," Castiel blushed. When Dean burst into laughter, Castiel blinked and tried to moderate his response. "I'm sorry. It was just really… bitter."

"Aw, baby!" Dean gathered Castiel into his arms and squeezed him. "That's why you move. Damn it, Cas."

"I'll remember that next time," Castiel replied as Dean covered his face with kisses. Cas pressed their foreheads together and wrapped his arms around Dean. He was willing to get used to Dean's unpleasant taste just to feel him tremble beneath him again. Cas felt Dean's mouth press against the skin beside the collar of his shirt and his heart thudded more rapidly.

"What're we gonna do about this?" Dean asked as he rubbed his knee between Castiel's legs. When Castiel inhaled sharply, Dean repeated the motion gently, enjoying the feel of Cas' rock hard erection. "You want me to blow you?"

Dean was suddenly hoisted by the angel's great strength and dumped on the bed. Castiel climbed on top of him, and then crushed their mouths together. Dean's tongue begged entrance into his mouth and then tasted his own essence. He sucked Castiel's lips and wrapped his legs around his waist out of habit. Castiel pushed against him with aching desire.

"I want to fill you, Dean," Castiel whispered in such a lusty way that Dean's face filled with color. Dean didn't need any further explanation to know what Castiel meant. He was quiet and thoughtful even as Castiel rubbed into him again.

"Okay, okay," Dean panted and nodded. Anal sex wasn't new to Dean, but he had never been the recipient of it. All the time he had spent as a woman had made him used to the feeling of having Cas inside him. Dean liked it. _It's not so different._

Dean was naked, but Cas was still wearing far too much clothing. The angel impatiently began to undo his pants. When Dean's strong hand reached down to stop him, Cas looked up at him with confusion.

"Lube!" Dean cried out. "Cas, wait. Lube, man. We don't have any lube. I don't think I have any."

"What's lube?" Castiel muttered back.

"Lube! Lubricant. Sexual jelly. Like K-Y," Dean elaborated. "Babe, I ain't having a cock in me without any lube. Sorry, man, I just can't do it."

Castiel frowned and fastened his pants again. Dean imagined that he saw irritation in Castiel's bright blue eyes, and was disheartened when the angel sat up and fell into a reverie. Castiel disappeared suddenly, leaving a stunned Dean behind.

For a moment, he felt like the girl on prom night that got ditched by her date after refusing to put out. Dean had never felt so affronted and pitifully abandoned. Desperately, Dean called out, "Cas! Come back! I can still suck you off!"

_Damn it_. He sat naked and alone, furrowing his brows and pouting. He couldn't believe Castiel would drop him so easily without even giving an explanation. "I hate it when you disappear like that, you son of a bitch."

Of course, Castiel did return, and when he did, he was holding a small box. Dean jumped back in shock and stared at him. Castiel contemplated the box and then tore through it with annoyance. Dean pointed to the box, "Is that – "

"'Lube'," Castiel quoted. "I found some."

Castiel probably didn't expect to get a pillow in the face, but that was exactly what he received. He growled at Dean and Dean growled right back, "You should've told me! I thought you just ditched me, you ass!"

"No…" Castiel frowned. That wasn't even a possibility. "It just seemed important."

Dean tried to regain some of his cool. In a way, he thought it was sweet that Castiel had gone out of his way to get lube. As the angel observed the tube inquisitively, something dawned upon Dean. "Did you pay for that?"

Castiel paused before answering. "Oh."

"You didn't?"

"I forgot," Castiel admitted, "I forget about money sometimes."

"You fucking stole some lube!" Dean exclaimed and then dissolved into riotous laughter. His chiseled, tanned body racked with amusement as he imagined Castiel appearing in some store in the disarray he was in to steal a box of lube. His angel was a thief. Dean would die to see the reaction of the person that got to check those security tapes. Castiel didn't understand what was so funny and felt guilty about having done something wrong. At least, that was the way he felt before Dean's next words. "I love you, man," Dean snickered, "I just love you so fucking much."

The tube of lube hit the sheets and Cas froze to regard Dean with wonder. He had never expected to hear those words from Dean, especially not in between fits of laughter. Quietly, he said, "Because I stole some lube?"

If he had known petty theft was the way to Dean's heart, Castiel would have stolen something years ago. "What?" Dean asked, wiping his eyes. He didn't even seem to care that he'd uttered the words he'd been fighting for weeks and months. He sat up and pulled Castiel by his shirt to close the space between them. He showered him with kisses. "You gonna let that lube go to waste?"

"You just… you just said…"

"I just gave you the green light to fuck me like nobody's fucked me before and you're babbling. Stalling," Dean responded to avoid addressing Cas' concerns. "I'm starting to think you don't even wanna fuck me anymore."

Dean was gifted with an easy authority over Castiel. He was a male temptress, effortlessly skilled in driving him wild. Cas knew he wasn't imagining the beckoning look in Dean's eyes any more than he had imagined the words that had slipped from his lips. The angel descended to rob Dean of his breath in a heated kiss. He pressed Dean's legs apart and spoke in soft, rough tones, "I always want to fuck you, Dean."

His deep voice sent a tremble through Dean's body. The angel's unexpected use of the f-word was almost more pleasing than his thieving. Dean undid Cas' pants and breathed back, "Then why isn't your cock slick yet?"

Without the experience and knowledge, Cas was uncertain of what to do. He had the intelligence to guess correctly, but he was hesitant even with Dean urging him with his hands. Dean perceived his worries, and gently directed him. "Cas, you remember Fingering 101? We can start there. Just lube up first."

Castiel nodded and prepared his fingers with the stolen jelly. As before, he was cautious because he wouldn't dare injure or upset Dean. His slick fingers penetrated Dean, testing him carefully. Dean was remarkably tight, and Cas moved his fingers to loosen him as much as he could. He stroked him from within steadily. "Are you sure about this?" Cas whispered. He had real doubts that he could fit within Dean without hurting him.

"Get up in there," Dean nodded. He was being as brave and commanding as he could to hide the anxiety he felt. When Castiel had taken his virginity the first time, it had been painful, but they had moved beyond it. He expected that this time would be similar. He appreciated Castiel's sensitive patience and kindness more than he could ever say, but he would gladly take any pain for Cas. Dean wanted to familiarize his true body to Castiel even more than he had as a woman.

Dean tried to remember to breathe, but it was becoming difficult to take normal breaths as the angel unknowingly flirted with the sensitive spot in his depths. Castiel was drawn closer to the human as his dick was stroked with encouragement. "C'mon, Cas. Put it in. Baby, you're doing so good."

Castiel caressed Dean with more energy as his arousal increased. Cas spread him with improvised motions before removing his fingers and pulling his legs apart. He stuck only the head of his cock inside Dean, but couldn't resist completely sheathing himself within him for very long. Dean pulled on Castiel's shirt and the sheets as the angel fucked him with practiced thrusts. Castiel perceived his faint whimpers and could feel him straining. "Does it hurt too much?"

"No!" Dean lied stubbornly. It didn't hurt enough to make him stop. Castiel attempted to calm Dean with loving kisses and they were effective in making him relax slightly. A smile teased Dean's lips when he pondered how a single man and how this pain could make him so happy.

Castiel hit Dean's prostate and, based on Dean's reaction, he noted that he needed to do it again. The angel was filled with enthusiasm when Dean cried out with pleasure, so he thrust more vigorously, gripping Dean's hips as he reveled in his tightness.

"Cas!" Dean whined softly and then covered his mouth to stifle the muffled noises he was making. Castiel knew that when his name was moaned in such a way, Dean was in ecstasy. The angel buried himself deep, kissing and licking the salt from the Winchester's body. Castiel was unraveling with each wild, well-lubricated buck. At last, Castiel came inside of Dean, the real Dean – the Dean he had always loved.

Cas remained prone over Dean, but carefully removed his spent member from Dean's slick regions. Dean was flushed and shaking with the awe of what had just happened. An adoring kiss lingered over Dean's eyebrow. They rested beside each other in silence, covered in the messy evidence of their love. As Castiel felt his heart rate gradually lessen, a hand reached out to grab his.

The angel turned to Dean and found him staring up at the ceiling contentedly. Neither man spoke or moved. Instead, they lied in bed holding hands and marveling at their union.

As the minutes ticked away, Dean curled into Castiel's space until he was holding his darling angel. Dean tried to sleep, but couldn't because he was so overjoyed to have been able to give Castiel his body as one of the first things he did as a new man. Dean had been rewarded for trusting Cas and for loving him so dearly. His lips brushed over Cas' feathery, brown sex-hair and he was met with a sensitive blue gaze that he would never tire of seeing. There had never been a woman to make Dean feel quite as whole and happy as Castiel did. His flings and infatuations over the years were far away and trivial in the face of what he had with Cas.

"Babe…" Dean whispered as he left more kisses over his man. He became shyer with each honest word he spoke. "I was thinking… something…"

"Hm?" The angel kept his intent eyes on Dean, observing the way the man struggled to verbalize his thoughts.

"What if we make this a regular thing?" Dean shrugged casually. He was no expert at making proposals because he had made so few in the past. He rambled on, "We could do it everyday…or every other day? Twice a day? Unless that doesn't work with your schedule. You've probably got angel stuff to do, right? But, anyway, um…"

Castiel's expression filled with affection. "Yes."

"Yeah?" Dean's mouth cracked into a smile.

"I want to stay with you," Castiel explained because he truly believed everything was better when he was with Dean. "I want to hunt with you…and share your bed."

Dean had not really expected to hear any other answer, but the words were still so welcome to his ears. Dean quietly chuckled in return. "You're not gonna get fired if you spend all your time with me?"

"I don't care." Cas narrowed his eyes. As easily as that, Dean had officially gained his own renegade angel.

* * *

"Dean."

"I know, I know," Dean muttered back. "I'm so hungry, I could die."

"That's an exaggeration," Castiel whispered into the pillow. He was settled into bed with Dean wrapped around him. They had each come close to falling asleep, but couldn't quite drift off.

Dean complained, "I don't wanna put on pants."

"Dean."

" _Fine_ ," Dean exhaled and unwillingly left Castiel's side. He had to find his bag to get his clothes. In the dark, he found a t-shirt. He put on underwear, but regarded his jeans with disdain. _You don't need pants to get delivery, right?_

The thought of food reminded him of something Artemis had mentioned to him. He sat down on the bed next to Castiel and pondered out loud, "You think I eat shit? Like, I got a bad diet?"

"What?"

"Is it possible to eat too many burgers?" Dean openly philosophized. He knew the answer, but didn't want to acknowledge it.

"Uh, yeah," Castiel grumbled back, thinking his human was rather daft.

"What am I supposed to eat?" Dean stressed.

"Try a fruit," Castiel countered as he reclined lazily in the sheets.

After a couple of seconds, Dean speculated, "Like pie? Does that count? I mean, like, apple pie."

Castiel sighed, "Have you ever seen a fruit or vegetable that wasn't covered in trans fat or sugar?"

"Yeah, Cas! I'm not stupid. I was just wondering, is all. Pie's got sugar, but it also has fruit," Dean said. He wandered over to the table and sifted through some menus. He decided that Chinese was the healthiest and flipped through its contents. Noodles were sounding good at the moment. "You want anything?"

Castiel declined and closed his eyes. When the delivery arrived, Dean didn't bother putting on pants. He threw money at the kid and hastily settled down next to Cas to savor bits of meat and vegetables that were doused in everything that was bad for him. While he ate, a thought came to his mind. "Cas? Do you know how to use chopsticks?"

For some reason, the thought of Castiel wielding chopsticks was absolutely amusing. Castiel didn't budge as he answered. "I invented chopsticks."

_No way_. Dean's eyes went wide with wonder. Castiel had spoken so seriously, in his gruff, no-nonsense tone, that Dean genuinely believed he'd been fucking the inventor of chopsticks. "Really?"

"No, Dean," Castiel replied and turned to Dean. He wore an entertained smile, but kept his laughs at bay.

"Damn it! Well, how am I supposed to know?" Dean shook his head. "Son of a bitch. I trust you too much."

"Sorry," Castiel answered, even though he wasn't sorry at all.

"I'm gettin' wise to your game," Dean warned, pointing his chopsticks at the angel. "You thieving, sweet asshole."

"I still feel bad about that," Castiel stated, remembering the pilfered K-Y. As he regretted his crime, Dean pressed a chunk of something salty to his lips, using the chopsticks. The angel opened his mouth and let the taste of the morsel settle over his tongue.

"Don't," Dean winked.

* * *

The following morning, Dean awoke from his sex and MSG infused slumber to the unpleasant sight of an empty bed. He groped around for Castiel and was irritated when his hands didn't feel angel. He noticed a light from the bathroom and got up to check the room for Castiel. He knocked gently at the door and it swayed open. The angel was inside, observing his visage in the mirror.

"Good morning, Dean," Castiel said and briefly cast his eyes to Dean. He was mesmerized by his own face and went back to studying his jaw. "It grew back."

"Your five o'clock shadow…" Dean purred and settled his body around Cas. He encircled the other man in his arms and rubbed his cheek against his face. "I like it, Cas."

"You like everything," Castiel mumbled because he couldn't think of a single sexual act Dean didn't enjoy. It seemed like every inch of his body had been adored at some point by the Winchester.

"Only everything about you," Dean whispered. He kissed and sucked his neck and rubbed his fingers over the angel's nipples. "I don't care. Shave it if you want. I'll like that too."

"Dean," Castiel shivered and curled over the sink.

Dean's mouth found a space adjacent to one of his shoulder blades. He lavished the skin there with attention. "Is this where your wings come out?"

Cas stiffened and then nodded.

_Oh_. Dean sighed and concentrated on the spot more intently. He imagined the angel's great, sweeping appendages and wished for the ability to touch them more directly. He would make due with his mouth on his shoulder blades. When Cas uttered a low whimper, Dean perked up. "Did that hurt?"

"No…" Castiel replied. Dean got the message loud and clear. He swiped his tongue over the spot again and wrapped his hand around the angel's dick. Cas became hard and eager. His excitement was matched by Dean's.

"Don't move. Move and I won't do the other side," Dean threatened Cas. He vanished but reappeared so quickly it was like he had never been gone. Dean glued his mouth to the space underneath Castiel's other shoulder blade and spread some lubricant over his fingers. Castiel trembled when he felt Dean teasing his entrance and then stroking him with his fingers. Dean's mouth worked steadily on the base of his unseen wing, which caused Cas to moan. When he felt Dean's other hand begin to massage his erection, he bent over with pleasure. Dean's hard dick pressed into his lower back. With his face buried against concealed feathers, Dean muttered, "I'm gonna fuck you, and you're gonna watch."

Castiel lifted his head and was surprised by the lusty expression he was wearing. Only Dean could reduce him into a wanton creature of passion. In the mirror's reflection, he noted the determination and focus on Dean's face. With his eyes, he savored the way Dean's muscles rippled as he fingered him. Gasping, Castiel arched his hips into Dean's knuckles. Dean's green, razor-like gaze warned Castiel to get ready and Cas acknowledged him with his weak, pleading eyes.

Dean repositioned his hands to facilitate the easing of his cock into Castiel's entrance. He pressed his thick member within him, grinning as the angel's tightness enveloped him. Castiel felt something inside of himself crumble as he watched that devious, satisfied grin spread on Dean's face through the mirror. Dean was thinking about how much he missed fucking as a man and about how perfect it was that he got to fuck Cas. As much as he had enjoyed sex as a woman, this was what he'd been wanting all along.

Dean thrust into Castiel with energy, unknowingly bruising his hips with his hands out of his exhilaration. Dean slammed into the bundle of sensitive nerves within the angel's body, causing Cas to cry out nonsensical utterances. Dean fucked him steadily and remembered to stroke the poor angel's aching member. "Reach around," Dean explained to continue Castiel's education, "Baby, don't forget it. It's important."

Castiel was sighing and buzzing with all the sensations Dean provoked within him. Dean could have said anything to him and he would have agreed and thought it was the most brilliant thing ever spoken. _Reach around…_

He committed Dean's words to memory and doubted he would forget their meaning because he was living the pleasure of it. His body was loose and willing. Castiel came first. Dean had been all over him, but Cas would have been stimulated with half the touches because of the fact that Dean was male again and still wanted Cas. Castiel rode the waves of his orgasm, but keeps his eyes on Dean, watching with satisfaction as the handsome man drove into him over and over again. The angel was more gratified than he thought was decent when Dean came inside of him.

Dean, perspiring and breathy, could not have imagined a better way to start the morning. He wanted to start every day going forward by fucking Cas. He pulled out and felt momentarily sinful for sullying one of God's most beautiful creations, until he saw the angel's face reflected in the mirror. He was intoxicated with desire and worshiping him with his eyes. It was evident that the angel had liked what he had seen.

When he gathered enough energy, Castiel turned around and pulled Dean in to his body by his t-shirt. Wordlessly, he stripped the item from Dean's body to have a look at his perfect, masculine form. Cas swallowed and wavered because he still had trouble recognizing that this stunning human could be his. Something about the look in his eyes drew Dean's lips to his mouth.

"Shower?" Dean groaned while Castiel's hands traced his muscles. They clumsily made their way into the shower, where Dean pressed Cas into the tile of the wall. He groped around for the dial to turn on the water without looking because he only had eyes for Cas. Water streamed down Dean's face and rolled down along the curves of his strong shoulders.

"I love you, Dean," Castiel whispered because it was impossible not to when he saw his partner drenched and still filled with longing for him.

"Shhh…" Dean answered and covered his mouth yet again. Dean could barely handle Castiel adoring him with his vivid, tender eyes, much less verbally.

"I love you," Castiel repeated anyway, shaking on his unsteady legs.

"I know, sweetheart. I know," Dean mumbled back. "Don't make me say it again."

Dean thought his body did a better service to expressing how he felt than words could ever do. Aphrodite had ousted his feelings for Castiel in front of Cas already, and he hadn't denied them because he couldn't. "I'm gonna get you breakfast," Dean breathed. Breakfast was something he had denied almost every woman he had ever slept with, but sitting in a diner somewhere with Cas was something he anticipated with delight. He wanted to learn how Cas liked his eggs and how he took his coffee. If he didn't have preferences, Dean would help him find them. "We'll have every breakfast together until you dump me or I die."

_How about that?_

The world was ugly and full of unspeakable things that no single person could make right. Dean knew life, especially his, was short. The inevitable day would come when something would take him down, and he wanted Castiel to go with him. He wanted Castiel to fill all the space in between hunting things. Dean's understanding of the fleeting nature of the world made moments like this all the more powerful. He enjoyed them to the fullest, expressing his love with his lips.

In turn, Castiel wanted to be with Dean so badly that he would do horrible things to make sure they stayed together. The angel would become blind to everything else, including the world and his own sins. If needed, he would fall – give up his grace – to share those breakfasts with Dean.

The motel room, the town they were in, and the other people on the planet didn't matter for them at that moment. True to Aphrodite's prediction, Dean wouldn't touch another woman for weeks, and then months. He wouldn't have to.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel wake up to a surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I intended this to be the last chapter, but I ended up writing way more than I thought I would and I didn't even get to everything I wanted to write! So.... there's two more chapters after this.

Spread out on the bed, Dean contemplated nothing at all. The feeling of having Castiel near and of having Castiel's love fostered the contentedness that erased his worries and his need to think. The feeling was so powerful that Dean became full of a smile that could not be suppressed.

"I'm ready," Castiel said.

Dean lifted his head to take a look at his angel who was now properly dressed in his customary, much-loved attire. His eyes caught the blue tie that, as ever, was tied backwards. Dean chuckled softly and sat up. He drew Castiel close by the length of his tie. "Cas, baby. The tie. Always the tie."

"Oh," the angel looked down, feeling embarrassed. "I don't know why it always ends up like that."

When Cas began to move his hands to fix it, Dean stopped him. He pressed the underside of the tie to his lips and grinned, "Leave it."

Dean imagined that their first breakfast as a confirmed, even blessed, couple would be idyllic. It would be the first time Dean accompanied Castiel anywhere in his true body after the confusing hell he had been through. Breakfast would be lazy, quiet, and peaceful. Even if it was too greasy and not particularly delicious, it would be perfect.

Or so Dean thought.

As soon as Dean opened their door to go outside, he felt a cold wind brushing into his body. The sensation may have been entirely imagined, but the effect was unsettling nonetheless. The environment outside of the motel was characterized by wrongness. As Dean surveyed the parking lot, his unease skyrocketed. "No…No…"

Dean ran out to the spot where he had left the Impala and Castiel watched with a deep frown. There was nothing there. "Where – where's the car?" Dean shouted. In a nervous state, he clutched his hair. "I left it right here! Fuck! No! No, no, no…"

Frantically, Dean checked his pockets for the keys and found nothing. _My baby. Someone stole my baby._ He remembered having dropped the keys but could not remember if he had picked them up. He could not come to terms with the horrible mistake he had made. Dean could feel his father rolling in his grave and prayed silently for the Impala. The Impala, the other love of his life, was nowhere in sight. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"Could Sam have taken it?" Castiel asked.

"Yes! That's it! Sammy," Dean grumbled and reached for his phone. He speed-dialed Sam and was sent straight to voicemail. "Damn it!"

He tried one of Sam's other phones. _Straight to voicemail_. After tying several other numbers only to have the same outcome, Dean began to chew on his nails. Now he wasn't just worried about the Impala, but his brother. What if something had gotten to Sam? Something could have kidnapped Sam in the Impala and driven off without him ever knowing. If Sam wasn't kidnapped, he would have a lot of answering to do for neglecting his phones. Imagining that the Impala could have been stolen while they were all dozing was the stuff of Dean's nightmares.

"Of course. Of course this would happen," Dean mumbled to himself. Nothing could be easy or happy for too long. Breakfast would have to wait for another time. "Come on, Cas."

Dean and Castiel made inquiries at the check-in desk of the motel first. A woman with thick, dark hair piled on her head glanced up at them with mild interest and discreetly continued to eye the magazine she wasn't supposed to be reading while customers were in the lobby. Dean approached the tanned, tattooed woman and put on the smile he wore when he really needed to charm some information out of someone. "Good morning," his eyes raked over her nametag. "Carmelita."

"Good morning," She grinned in reply, shucking her magazine to the side. If she had noticed Dean's bright and beautiful green eyes from the start, she would have made more of an effort to appear friendlier from the start. "How can I help you?"

"I don't know if you remember me, but I was in here a couple of days ago with my brother, Sam Winchester," Dean explained. "He went to get another room yesterday and I was just wondering if you could be so kind as to tell me what room number he got. He's not answering his phone."

"Sam Winchester? Oh, the _tall_ guy?" Carmelita swooned. She couldn't forget a huge, handsome guy like Sam, but she didn't recognize Dean. "Look, amigo. Maybe I remember this guy, but I don't remember you. First day he was here, he came in with this adorable lil blonde. A real cute chick – not you."

Dean inhaled when he realized that the 'adorable lil blonde' had been him. When they had checked in, he had been a woman. _Fuck._

"But, yesterday, he was with someone else. The most beautiful woman I'd ever seen." Unbidden, information flowed from her lips as though she could not resist describing the marvelous person that had been with Sam, "She was like a model, or an actress. Like some walking Photoshop ad. Unreal, man. With this auburn hair. Oh my God, I wanna do my hair that color. Auburn. So gorgeous."

Even the memory of the woman retained power over Carmelita. Realizing she had probably said too much, she tried to focus. "But, sorry," she said, "I can't tell you about other patrons. It's against policy. And I have never seen you around here before."

 _Auburn hair?_ Dean and Castiel wore pensive, displeased expressions. Carmelita really felt for them, but she remained silent. With all the girls she had spotted Sam with, it would be no surprise if one of them had been Dean's girlfriend or wife. That was how murders happened. "Please?" Dean pleaded, "It's really important. He won't answer his phone. He's my brother."

The woman considered Dean, pouting her lips. She really wanted to help, and thought of a loophole. Sam wasn't really the Johnson's Motel's problem anymore. Even if it was still morally questionable, she leaned forward and whispered. "Listen, let me just tell you, you're at the wrong place. He never got another room here. He came in again yesterday, but he left. With the girl."

"Did he say where he was going?" Dean inquired with wide eyes.

"The Hilton. Just promise you don't tell nobody what I said," the woman pleaded softly. Dean's familial sentiments seemed genuine to her and she sympathized greatly with him. She hoped that no trouble would come from helping Dean. If Sam really was a two-timer, his fate was in God's hands. On an honest kick, she commented, "But, honestly, he made the right choice."

Carmelita raised her eyebrows. The Johnson's Motel was as tacky as it sounded, with a name that reminded her of dick. Every day she had to go in to work at this half-rate place that was marked with a sign that was phallic in appearance. People usually came to the Johnson for Johnson.

"Thanks," Dean slipped her a few bills for being so helpful and then asked her for a number to get a cab.

* * *

_Fucking cab._ Dean growled quietly. Riding in this poor excuse for a vehicle was beneath him. Everything about it made his skin crawl. Usually, he was only accustomed to riding in any back seat when the car was parked.

The cabbie kept a sly eye on Cas and Dean as he drove them to the Hilton. These two, he thought, were definitely queers. After so many years of driving people around, he had an eye for these sorts of things. This fare wouldn't be the first where he had taken a stressed out (probably married) businessman and his boy toy to have some fun. It wasn't the cabbie's place to mind. To the contrary, one of his favorite things to do was to imagine the stories behind his passengers. Interesting people were about the only things that made his job interesting. The cabbie thought that their ease with each other spoke of a long-term affair. Dean's attire and the tough, meanness in his face reminded him of a vet down on his luck. The pair of men were possibly the most fascinating couple he'd picked up all day. They began to speak in tones too low for him to follow.

Dean's nerves were getting to Castiel. The angel was worried about Sam too, and so he assured Dean, "We'll find Sam."

He was less worried about finding Sam and more concerned about what it could mean for Aphrodite to hunt his brother down after their issues had been resolved. With sudden energy, Dean railed, "You think this was her game the entire time? Like she was playin' us? We're talkin' goddess here…" He whispered, without needing to explicitly refer to Aphrodite. "Something doesn't smell right here. She helps me out and then just happens to make off with Sam?"

"I really hope Sam was able to resist her temptations," Castiel mused with a frown on his face. The look Dean gave Cas suggested that he didn't have much hope for that. Dean became even more tense and brooded.

After a while, he said, "If I had known this was going to happen, I would have said no. I would have stayed a chick."

Dean assumed that Aphrodite was up to no good because that was his default mode. Few things ever ended up rosy for them and he wasn't confident that this time would be that exception. The thought that Sam would endure pain or suffer harm because of him, made Dean livid. He wouldn't trade Sam for anything. Yet, blinded by joy, Dean had allowed his passion to overwhelm his better judgment. Protecting Sammy had always been his priority and he had neglected him. Dean tried calling Sam again and was not surprised when his brother didn't answer. He all but crushed his phone in his hand, fretting over Sam and the Impala.

When they arrived at the Hilton, Dean stumbled out of the cab as quickly as possible and glanced around the parking lot, looking for the Impala. Castiel called out to him and pointed at the car that was sitting safe and sound near the entrance of the hotel.

"Oh, my baby. You're safe," Dean cried and ran to the Impala. He gave the car several gentle, loving pats and inspected it for any irregularities. The car was locked and the keys were not around. Seeing the Impala out of harm's way kindled his hope and he rushed inside the hotel with Cas.

The dark-skinned, friendly attendant at the desk was quick to offer them a welcome and help. Upon Dean's request, she called Sam's room and passed the phone over to Dean after Sam answered. "Are you okay?" Dean glowered and then asked, "What room are you in?"

Castiel could hear Sam's faint, ineffective protests as Dean hung up on him. Dean was brewing with suspicion and anger. He walked with Castiel down the polished, well-lit halls of the hotel to the gleaming golden elevator. "The suite, he says."

Castiel was just relieved that Sam was okay and that the Impala was accounted for. He thought a romance with the goddess was most likely a terrible, if not dangerous, idea, but he didn't have the visceral reaction Dean had to the situation. Dean was sick of seeing Sam broken over powerful women that were no good for him. He didn't need to be a scholar to know that Aphrodite was a woman that played the field. Sam was too sweet, sensitive, and loyal to be one of many lovers. When they reached the room number given to them by Sam, Dean knocked and didn't have to wait for long for his reluctant brother to open the door.

"Hey guys," Sam smiled uncertainly. Thankfully, he was dressed in a crisp white shirt and a pair of black slacks. Dean's phone call had given Sam time to prepare for his furious arrival. Sam knew what was coming and made no show of objecting to Dean as he shoved his way into the room. Dean didn't have to say a word for Sam to know exactly what was on his mind.

"Good morning, Sam," Castiel greeted the younger Winchester and made his way into the room, surveying the beauty around him. The accommodation was enormous by the typical standards of the Winchesters. The amenities and the cleanliness of the room eclipsed the average motel. With concern, he leveled his eyes back on Sam, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Cas," Sam assured him like he had assured Dean over the phone. "You all want some coffee?"

"I want my damn car keys," Dean grumbled in return and held out his hands in expectation. He didn't lighten up his scowl until the keys were in his hands. The crease in his brow only softened the slightest bit. "What were you thinking, huh? You think I like waking up to the Impala gone? To not being able to get in touch with you? What happened to your freakin' phones? Huh?"

Sam cast his eyes down. He didn't regret any of what he had done, which only made him feel sorrier for making Dean worry. Sam had never stayed in a place so luxurious and he had never been so thoroughly pampered, especially not by such a beautiful woman. In one night, he'd felt years of tension and guilt slip away from him. Sam hadn't asked for any of this. Aphrodite had appeared in the lobby of the motel, tempting him with Dean's car keys.

Aphrodite had showed up unexpectedly, saying that she didn't think it was fair for her to have seen only one of the brothers naked. She had charmed Sam by telling him that he deserved better than a night alone in a seedy motel, and Sam had agreed with her. He had enjoyed being dressed like a king because it made him feel like he was more than a drifter, a killer, and his brother's puppet. Sam had been in complete awe of all the wonderful things Aphrodite had offered him because he had never experienced such indulgence. Indulgence was so alien to Sam that he had difficulty accepting that he was allowed to have such good things. He had been waiting for the veil to lift, but it never had. Not until Dean returned, acting like he was his father, did Sam remember that his life was meant for hardship.

"I'm sorry," Sam swallowed. "I thought you and Cas would be busy, so…"

"Sammy? You're not fighting over there, are you?" Aphrodite called from her spot on the couch, from where she was watching a fashion show on TV. All that was visible of her body was her lovely, graceful arm.

"Sammy is _my_ nickname for him!" Dean answered, vicious for the sake of viciousness. Dean wasn't Sam's parent, but he might as well have been because he'd spent his whole life watching out for Sam and taking care of him. His protectiveness was clouding every other thought he might have had. He walked over to the couch to look down at the woman that was resting leisurely in comfort. She was wearing something that looked like it had come straight from the TV, and it probably had.

"Good morning, Dean," Aphrodite smiled, unfazed.

"Dean, would you cool down?" Sam begged. He was embarrassed beyond all belief.

"Yes, relax," Aphrodite urged. "Have some coffee." She sat up and regarded Dean with idle interest. She could tell he had been up late and that filled her mind with pleasant fantasies. Softly, she inquired with mirth, "Have you been enjoying your angel?"

Dean couldn't look her in the eye. Whatever game she was playing at, Dean thought she was very good at it, because he couldn't fully understand it. "Alright, fine, pour me some coffee."

Castiel remained near Sam to help him get some cups, but also to serve as moral support for the little brother. He was fascinated by the extravagant coffee machine and by the kitchen in general. Aphrodite coerced Dean to sit down, and carried on their low conversation. "You thought I was going to harm your brother. After all the good I've done for you." When Dean didn't answer, she perceived something else. "Did you think I would take him from you? Oh, Dean. Sam doesn't belong to anyone any more than I belonged to my husband."

"You had a husband?" Dean lifted his eyebrow, unsure if he should feel impressed or sorry for the guy that was married to the goddess.

"The ugliest god in all of Mount Olympus," Aphrodite whispered. When Dean openly laughed at her, she looked embarrassed and displeased.

"You're joking, right?" He said. _Oh, man. That poor bastard_.

"What're you talking about?" Sam called from the kitchen.

"Nothing, Sammy! Everything's cool," Dean cried back.

"You and Castiel make a beautiful pair," Aphrodite commented. Her eyes dazzled as she thought of the two together. "Sam deserves to have good things too."

Dean didn't know if she was benevolent, self-serving, or both. He did realize that it was difficult to ever disagree with her, so he stopped trying. He took the coffee Castiel placed in his hands and the four sat on the couch, half-paying attention to the models walking across the runway on the TV.

"Is that woman wearing a bird?" Castiel inquired and quirked his head to the side.

Dean winked to Castiel, "There's only one bird I wanna wear."

"She's much too thin," Aphrodite criticized cheerily. Apparently, she watched this channel not only for the fashion, but also as a confirmation that she was infinitely superior to even the people human beings revered as the most beautiful among them. She slithered over to Sam and rested against him.

The goddess didn't let them leave until they were all fed and relaxed. No matter what she did or said, Dean was determined to get his brother away from her. She apologized for any trouble she may have caused, but didn't sound too sincere about it. Before Sam left, she enveloped him in her embrace and planted a passionate kiss on his lips. She stroked his face and coiled his silken hair around her fingers. She enjoyed the feeling of his strong hands upon her body. Aphrodite whispered sweet words to him and probably would not have stopped kissing him if Dean did not drag Sam away.

"W-Wait, Dean!" Sam whined, but he was pulled away. As Aphrodite's hands slipped out of his, Sam pleaded, "Hey, call me! Any time! Whenever you're free!"

"Yeah, we're changing all your phone numbers," Dean leveled after they were out of Aphrodite's sight.

"You're such a hypocrite!" Sam fumed and his brother shoved him into the elevator. "You get to have Cas."

"And Cas doesn't have a husband. Or ten different boyfriends," Dean remarked, pressing the button for the lobby.

"You don't know she has ten boyfriends!" Sam answered. He was aware that she had at least two, but that didn't deter him from wanting her.

"You gotta be real."

"I am real." Sam settled his hands on his hips. "I could …I could be a mistress. Or whatever you call the guy version of a mistress."

"You don't wanna be a mistress, Sammy," Dean grinned. As funny as the scenario was from a distance, Dean couldn't laugh at Sam because he had serious concerns for his brother. Sam was no pool boy. He was no 'afternoon delight' treat on the side. Sam deserved better.

"I'm sorry, Sam, but Dean's right," Castiel cut in. "You would have very powerful rivals."

Sam nodded in the sad realization that he was losing something he had enjoyed so deeply, so quickly. He knew it was true. He knew he was only one man in a long line of lovers and he would have to accept that. Sam would have to try to pretend like it didn't affect him.

"Hey, there's plenty of – "

"If you say 'fish in the sea,' I am never speaking to you again," Sam grumbled.

Dean didn't bring up Aphrodite again. He figured the less they talked about her, the better. He did complain about Sam taking his car and warned him never to do it again without asking first. They went back to the motel only to pick up some things and then they hit the road again.

"We're not staying?" Sam wore an emotional expression on his face.

" _No_ ," Dean replied sternly. Sam understood Dean's motives and got into the Impala with resignation. He thought about Aphrodite and wondered if she would ever call. She had told him to keep their tryst on the down low for his own safety, but never specified if she would ever see him again.

Dean wasn't a mind reader, but he was perceptive enough to tell that Sam was blue and he had a really good guess why. After they had been driving for some time, he nudged his brother and offered him an apple. "Here."

"Where'd you get that?"

"I stole a bunch of them from that hotel," Dean shrugged. "I know you like them."

"When?"

"Don't ask! I have my ways," Dean answered.

Sam held the glossy apple in his hands and smiled because it had been the offering he had given Aphrodite. Sam would never forget that Aphrodite loved apples. He glanced back at Cas. "So are you gonna stick around?"

"Yes, if that's alright," Castiel said. He had already promised to stay with Dean, but didn't know how Sam felt about that. He could only hope the younger brother wouldn't be upset by the development.

"Of course it's alright!" Dean growled.

"Yeah, for sure, Cas," Sam smiled, "Dean's less of a jerk when you're around. It's cool with me, but… Is that okay with your angel buddies? And, like, God? Doesn't God need you to do stuff?"

Dean clutched the steering wheel more tightly, "Cas isn't going anywhere. He's got free will and if he wants to stay with us, he'll stay with us. If God wasn't cool with it, he wouldn't have given Cas a mind of his own."

When Cas didn't answer, Sam lifted his eyebrows. "Is that true?"

"I can't begin to presume God's intentions," Castiel answered morosely. "But I'll do everything I can to stay."

The first case they worked on together was a demon-exorcizing one. They had followed cases of strange behavior that had resulted in stranger murders and traced the crimes to some demons. The sight of Cas made them cower, but they falsely believed they had strength in numbers. Only one of the possessed people survived the ordeal.

Worn out from the hunt and from the long drive, Dean wanted nothing more than to rest in bed with Cas and watch some crap TV. He was bummed that so many of the people the demons had used as meatsuits had died unglamorous deaths, but he supposed that being dead was better than being possessed. The señoritas on the TV and the weight of Castiel's body against his made him feel better. Sam didn't have Dean's taste for Spanish soaps, so he got up and made for the door.

"Where you going?" Dean asked, only sparing a glance to Sam.

"Out," Sam answered, "For a walk."

"Where's the car keys?"

"On the table," Sam sighed heavily.

"Leave your phones."

"No, Dean! Geez, I'm not a child," Sam complained.

" _Phone_."

"I don't believe you. Damn it, Dean," Sam pulled out his phone and set it on the table next to the car keys. "Happy?"

Sam let the door slam behind him. Dean knew Sam had a problem resisting temptation after he'd been tempted once. If he could help it, he wasn't going to let Sam make the same mistakes.

"What's happening?" Castiel frowned as he watched the TV. Beautiful people in vibrant colors filled every scene, but Cas couldn't piece together the story.

"What? Oh, I'm not sure. I just started watching this last week. I think that guy has a twin. Or maybe he's a triplet. There's so many friggin' flashbacks in this show. It's confusing."

"Are they in Morocco?" Castiel asked. "They keep saying they're in Morocco, but that's not what Morocco looks like."

"Low budget, I guess," Dean chuckled and held on to Castiel more snugly.

"Who's that?"

"I can't remember her name, but she's the main chick. She's in love with one of the twins, or maybe both? But, uh, she's married to that ugly as hell dude," Dean laughed. "He's so fat and mean. I don't understand why she stays with him."

"Oh…" Castiel speculated, "Maybe because they have a daughter together."

* * *

The next morning, Sam woke up to the sound of soft moans and pants. Groggily, he looked over to Dean's bed and saw Castiel on top of Dean. The two men were frotting beneath the covers and sharing heated kisses. Sam backed away instinctively until he fell off his bed. _No. No._

"Angel, baby," Dean sighed before his precious angel slipped his tongue into his mouth. They either did not know or did not care that they were on view to Sam. Sam crawled hurriedly on his hands and knees until he reached the door. He groped around for the doorknob and ran out of the room. Not even the sound of the door slamming drew the attention of the men.

Dean grabbed Castiel's ass and squeezed as the angel moved against him and stroked their cocks together. Dean would have never suspected that Castiel had such a fit, solid body underneath all his layers, but he was getting to know it very well. Dean had awoken to the feeling of Castiel's lips on his chest. When he had seen the beautiful man loving him with his hands and mouth, he decided that some morning sex was well worth the risk of waking Sam. Dean had explained what 'morning wood' was to Cas and how it was something that shouldn't be wasted. Several moments after they both came, Castiel glanced over to where Sam had been sleeping. "Where's Sam?"

"Huh?" Dean exhaled and kept his adoring eyes fixed on Cas.

"Dean, you were too loud," Castiel hissed. "I told you we would be too loud."

"Mmm…" Dean purred.

Castiel looked back at the human, "You're not even paying attention to me."

"I always pay attention to you," Dean replied, which was true. He was paying such close attention to Castiel that he didn't notice anything about Sam.

"I said Sam's gone."

"Does that mean you wanna shower with me?"

"Well, I – " Castiel looked around the room and listened for any signs of Sam. "If Sam's not here…"

"Might as well."

By the time they emerged clean from the shower, Sam had returned and he looked uncomfortable. He was sipping on a cup of coffee and watching the local news. When he saw Dean walk out in nothing but a towel, Sam lifted up his hand in disapproval. "You done screwing now?"

"You were supposed to be asleep!" Dean growled back.

"Whatever! You know I'm a light sleeper!" Sam cried. "I'll hunt with you guys, but I don't wanna turn around to see you fucking every other hour, or to you cryin' out 'angel baby.' I need a different room."

"I never said 'angel baby.'" Dean glared at Sam. "That doesn't even make sense."

"You said it, Dean."

"Oh…" Dean looked down. "Well, heat of the moment, I guess." Sam probably had a point. Things would start to get real annoying if every time they finished having sex, he would have to get bitched out by Sam.

Angel Baby walked out fully clothed, but hid behind the wall of the bathroom when he noticed Sam in the room. He felt like he should apologize to Sam, but had trouble even making eye contact with him. Cas wasn't sure how long Sam had been watching, but he knew Sam had seen too much. Dean went about his business, but Sam let out a disgruntled sigh and called out to Cas. "Cas, come out. I made some coffee. It's okay."

Castiel obliged and wandered over to Sam. He let the younger Winchester pour him a fresh cup and struggled to form words of apology only to have Sam wave his worries away. Sam could never really hold anything against Castiel because he knew the angel would never intentionally do something to get on his nerves or unsettle him. "Don't worry about it. I'm glad you guys are…fine. And all that. We've figured it out. I'll just get a separate room next time."

* * *

Even with new arrangements, they could only continue hunting together for so long. Sam was in a constant state of longing. He tried to fill the void in his heart by pleasing Dean and by going on hunts that he knew would save and protect lives, but it wasn't enough. He kept thinking about Aphrodite and the beautiful words she had muttered to him as they spent the night together. He had wanted to call her desperately, but he knew that wasn't something he would do, even if he could. Sam's despair didn't just surround missing the beautiful woman. She had agreed with him, and made him believe it was valid for him to want more than the life he had. She told him he had a right to pursue any passion he had.

One night, after returning from a hunt, Sam was about to head to his room, but stopped. He grabbed Dean and pulled him to the side. "We need to talk."

Dean knew those words were never a sign of good things to come, but he stopped to listen after Castiel took his cue to get out of their way. "What?"

"You know what," Sam began. "You know damn well, 'what.' I don't wanna hunt anymore. I never did."

"Sammy, not this again!" Dean snarled. He was tired of hearing his brother resent the work they were made to do. "You and me have to stick together, okay? It's what Dad would have wanted."

"No!" Sam spat back. "I'm not going to. Not this time. I've gone along with you for too long now."

"So, what? You just don't care anymore?" Dean huffed. "You're my brother. Hunting is in your blood, like it's in mine."

"But I've got other things in my blood too! I've got other things I want. Dreams, hopes."

"Is this because of Cas?" Dean replied bitterly. He tried hard to pay attention to Sam, but inwardly acknowledged that Castiel had taken up more of his time as he had taken more of his affection.

"No, no, it's not…" Sam replied on instinct. He rubbed his hand over his face. "Well, maybe it is. A little bit."

"What's your beef with Cas?"

"I don't have a beef with Cas. But, you and Cas together…you're really great. You know that, right?" Sam struggled to maintain his composure. He didn't have many models for healthy relationships. He had never seen his own parents together, not like Dean had. Now, he was seeing Dean and Castiel together all the time. They weren't perfect, but they really did love each other so much that it was difficult not to be affected by them. "All I want is to go to school. To do something for myself. And, I don't know…maybe…maybe I can find my own angel."

Dean blinked and absorbed his brother's words. "Dude, that's friggin' gay."

"What the hell, Dean! You're such an asshole!"

"I didn't mean that. I mean, not like that. Sorry," Dean shifted uncomfortably on his feet. As soon as he had made a joke out of Sam's feelings, he regretted his words. It was easier for Dean to say something cruel and impulsive than it was for him to process the powerful sentiments his brother was having. Dean blushed at the thought that his relationship with Castiel was something Sam admired and wanted for himself. "I just don't want you to go," He said. "You belong with me."

"I don't belong to anyone," Sam replied. "I'm not saying I never wanna hunt with you again, or that I don't wanna see you again."

"No," Dean stubbornly protested. It was true that Dean needed Sam because he had always wanted his company, but there was more to it than that. Emotion flooded his face, "This is not about that. What if something happens to you and I'm not there?"

"I guess…you'll just have to deal with that," Sam answered.

"You know damn well that I don't just _deal_."

"But everything could be okay," Sam remarked, which was a statement completely divorced from the reality they had been living for so long.

"But what if it's not?" Dean argued. "No. No."

"Please, Dean. If you don't let me go, I'll just go by myself," Sam sniffled. "I already got accepted to go back to school."

"You what? And you didn't tell me?"

"Of course I didn't! You don't let me do anything!" Sam shouted.

Dean was wounded by Sam's words, but he couldn't honestly deny them. "Don't you shout at me!"

"Yeah? What else don't you want me to do? I got not going to school down. Not doing a damn thing without you. Not shouting too? Got it."

They were going to have this argument for as long as they lived. Dean realized that, but he still struggled with letting Sam go. With their luck, something awful would happen to Sam the instant he was out of his sight. "I'm not trying to keep things from you."

"You don't need me, Dean. You've got a good team with Cas. The three of us together are overkill for pretty much anything out there. And you know I'm not helpless. I can take care of myself. I'll have my phone too. If you want, set up a Nanny cam and a baby monitor in my dorm room."

"What?" Dean scowled, thinking that he wasn't that much of a creep. Yet, now that Sam mentioned it, it didn't seem like a horrible idea. Affronted, Dean sputtered, "I would never do that."

"You just thought about it."

"No, I didn't."

" _Dean_ ," Sam grinned. He knew better. They only spent almost every single waking moment together. He knew how much of a creep Dean was, and he knew he meant well.

"Baby monitor?" Dean chuckled suddenly. The eldest Winchester slapped Sam's face with gentleness and then pinched his cheek hard, making the taller man wince. "Don't you ever, ever dare say I don't need you again. Cas isn't a replacement for you, okay?"

Without another word, Dean disappeared into the room he shared with Cas. Sam wasn't sure what had just happened, and assumed that Dean was rejecting his wishes yet again. That was what Dean always did.

Sam went back to his room and loitered on his computer. At last, he looked up an email he had received last week and forwarded it to Dean. The message was from one of Sam's old professors and it stated that Sam had been accepted back into school and had even gotten a scholarship. There was a personal note in the email also that praised Sam as an excellent student with great potential. None of his old professors had forgotten him because of his intelligence, his sweetness, and the tragedy that had surrounded him. When Dean read the email in the middle of the night, he was so proud of his little brother. He remembered the words the goddess of love had spoken to him in confidence.

_Sam deserves to have good things too._


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel hunt a lot of things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehehehe.... 69 kudos. I post this chapter in honor of these blessed kudos. Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and leaving me kudos. I love you all and I hope this story has made you smile. 
> 
> The next chapter will be the last!

"Where are we going now?" Sam asked the next morning as they packed up the Impala with all of their things.

"Well, first breakfast, then college," Dean answered. Because half of his sentence sounded normal, Sam didn't find anything unusual in the rest of what Dean had said. When Dean's words caught up with him, the younger Winchester took a double take.

"What?" Sam answered, thinking that either he had misheard or something had to be wrong with Dean. "Did you just…"

"You heard what I said. Don't make me regret it," Dean replied. "Breakfast, then that fancy school you got into."

Sam's face didn't know what to do anymore than Sam knew what to believe or say. He'd been begging Dean to let him go for so long that he felt certain his battle was in vain. Hearing Dean casually talk about dropping him off at school had to be a trick if it was not a figment of his imagination. Sam shot a glance to Cas. "Is he possessed?"

"No," Castiel said after a momentary look at Dean. If he had been possessed he wouldn't look so handsome. Angels were always able to see the true, unsightly and repulsive faces of demons. Sam didn't seem convinced.

"Damn it. I said I'm driving you to college. If you don't wanna go, that's fine by me too. Just write your professors back and tell them no," Dean grumbled.

Sam made an odd, ecstatic sound and a bright smile blossomed on his face. "Really?"

"No, I'm pullin' your chain," Dean responded sarcastically. "Yes, really." Sam's disbelief had been a little disheartening, but in the face of his joy, Dean couldn't bemoan it. In a matter of seconds, Sam was hugging Dean and placing a kiss on his forehead. Dean squirmed and complained, "What the – get offa me!"

"I promise I won't let you down," Sam blurted out, which really made Dean feel like a controlling father.

"Congratulations, Sam," Castiel said with a gentle smile on his face. He gave Sam a small pat on his back because it seemed like the appropriate gesture. Cas still found it awkward to touch people that weren't Dean, but he was genuinely happy for Sam so he pushed himself out of his comfort zone.

Sam tried not to come off as overly excited during breakfast. He avoided doing anything to provoke Dean so that his brother wouldn't take back his word. The whole display was rather adorable and pathetic at the same time. Dean definitely had his doubts, but he wasn't planning on taking back his promise. Selfish or not, having Castiel around truly did impact his decision. Dean just couldn't go hunting alone, and could only bare the loss of Sam as a companion because he had Castiel.

Last night, an important realization had clicked within Dean. He thought, if he could have Cas, which was something miraculous, maybe Sam also had a real shot at whatever he wanted. Dean never doubted his brother's abilities, but he doubted the world. He didn't want to see him try to achieve something when the dangerous segments of the world wanted nothing more than to see him suffer. A hand confiscating his orange juice distracted Dean. The Winchester gave Cas a look.

"I ran out," The angel replied with a shrug.

"You drink too fast," Dean replied, but didn't object to the angel drinking his juice. Cas really had a thing for citrus. He didn't eat much, but when he did, he went for anything savory and tangy. Cas also had an interest in toast, but he always refused to burn Jesus' face on his breakfast for Dean's amusement.

"Here, Dean. You can have mine," Sam said and slid his juice over to his brother. Sam could barely contain his giddy feelings so he had a permanent goofy expression on his face.

 _You guys are weird._ Dean shook his head, "It's okay."

"How about my bacon? I don't want it anyway," Sam piled his bacon onto Dean's plate and Dean nodded with approval.

"I think I'm gonna take you to college more often," Dean grinned, well aware that he was getting special treatment at the moment.

The drive to Sam's university lasted for about six hours and was full of Dean warning and lecturing Sam about every little thing. He insisted that Sam shouldn't give up on hunting completely because he would become vulnerable if he got rusty. "You call me every day. If I don't answer, you leave a message, and if I don't call you back, you call again."

Sam fought back a sigh and an eyeroll. Dean was repeating himself now. "I know! I will! I promise, okay?"

Dean was so paranoid the other men in the car could almost taste it. "If you notice anything fishy, you tell me about it right away. Even if you think it's not important. I'll be there. If I'm not close, I'll send someone else to check it out with you."

"Dean," Sam whined, "I've been to college before. I was there for nearly 4 years."

"And we both know what happened," Dean responded in a surly, severe tone. He was aching to turn the car around because he didn't think he could handle leaving Sam behind. If Sam didn't play by his rules and agree to his conditions, Dean wouldn't be able to tolerate his absence or achieve anything resembling peace of mind.

"Okay, okay, you're right. I'll call you everyday and if there's any trouble," Sam exhaled. "I promise."

"You damn well better."

When they reached Sam's university, Dean struggled to help Sam gather all his things. Letting go of Sam was harder for Dean than leaving would ever be for Sam. Dean loaded up his bags with matches, lighters, huge canisters of salt, guns, and the good shotgun.

"You're giving me the good shotgun?" Sam frowned, "But you'll need it more than I will."

"No, damn it. You take it," Dean responded, dangerously close to falling apart. He remembered to leave Sam a rosary and some fresh holy water just in case. "Just don't do anything stupid. And stay out of trouble."

"Thanks, Dean. Thanks for everything," Sam replied. Watching Dean worry endlessly and strain to leave him on his own reminded Sam that underneath all the douchery that was his brother, there was someone that loved him more than maybe any other person ever would. When Sam pulled Dean into his arms he swore he heard Dean sniffle.

"I guess… I guess I just go now?" Dean swallowed. "Take care."

"I love you, Dean," Sam muttered, which just about floored his older brother.

"Ditto," Dean managed with great effort. He mumbled his love for Sam with soft, incoherent noises, but Sam understood his meaning well enough.

"Good luck, Sam," Castiel said and offered the younger man his hand. Sam shook Castiel's hand and then pulled him into a hug too.

"Thanks, Cas. Take care of Dean, okay?"

"Of course," Castiel replied. After Sam let go, Castiel knit his brow. "Where are you going to stay?"

"Oh, I don't know. I'll manage somehow," Sam shrugged. He was pretty good at finding the cheapest motels and the best places to squat after years of being a wanderer. Dean opened his wallet and took out every penny he had. He pressed all his cash into Sam's hand and then hurried off to the car.

"Come on, Cas. Let's go," Dean called out. If he stood around any longer, he was liable to shove Sam back into the Impala and drive off with him. Dean made up an excuse that nobody believed, "Hurry up. We're gonna be late to that thing. The case we have! C'mon!"

"See you," Castiel waved before getting into the car with Dean. If cars were capable of speeding off with emotion, that was what the Impala did. Dean had no plan for where he was going. As he drove away, he looked at Sam in the rearview mirror until his little brother vanished from his sight.

Sam looked around the empty campus, holding on to his heaping bags of weapons and clothes. "I wonder if I should have told him classes don't start for another month?"

* * *

Dean fought the urge to call Sam and drive back to the school for the rest of the day. He debated whether or not they should drive as far away from Sam as possible or if they should stop nearby in case Sam changed his mind. The turmoil Dean was living through was rather endearing to Castiel.

"Maybe we should have stayed to have dinner with him?" Castiel suggested.

A similar thought had crossed Dean's mind at some point also, but he bit out a stubborn, "No. Sammy's gotta do all that stuff alone now. That's what he wanted. He's gotta get used to it."

Castiel placed a soothing hand on Dean's shoulder. "It'll be okay." He knew now was one of those moments when lies were called for, even welcomed. Castiel believed Sam would be safest with them, but he had to trust in Sam's abilities.

"Of course it will! I never said it wouldn't," Dean repeated their fantasies to try to make himself feel better, but it didn't work. He had given Sam the good shotgun and all of his money, so he would probably be okay for at least a while.

"Then why are we still sitting in the car?" Castiel gave Dean a concerned look. In the end, Dean had driven to a motel that was near the city of Sam's school. He'd parked the car, but hadn't gotten out.

Dean clenched his jaw and tried to stuff all his feelings down. He had trouble looking at Cas. Finally, a torrent of worries spilled from his lips, "I just don't understand him, Cas. Why would he want to go on his own? Without me?"

Out of embarrassment, Dean got his things and darted out of the car. He couldn't have this conversation with anyone. When he shut the door, he realized Cas was right behind him. The angel pulled him into an embrace. "You're a good brother."

Dean relaxed in Castiel's arms and burrowed his face into the crook of Cas' neck. He felt like he had never heard those words before. He felt like, more often than not, he was the bad guy, but today he had set Sam free. Dean had given Sam what he wanted even though he thought it was the wrong thing for him.

For the first time in a long time, Dean ordered a room with a single double bed. He had forgotten that a large swath of America had qualms with gays, but remembered as soon as the motel lobby attendant gave him a disparaging look. _What the hell was that about?_ Dean had faced some of this kind of misdirected intolerance while travelling with his brother, and it had been annoying then. Now that there was validity to the suspicions of other people, Dean wasn't sure what to do. He got furious and considered getting a room with another bed to put up a front, but that only made him angrier because he didn't think he should even have to think about doing such a thing. Dean had spent a several days fucking Cas as woman and was aggravated that he was being treated differently now for carrying on the same relationship.

The young, judgmental male attendant handed a key over to Dean and said, "Enjoy your stay."

Dean took the key, and was unable to come up with a snappy response. He refused to put up with the perceived homophobia for a second longer. Inside their room, he set out his phones on the table in case Sam decided to call. "We'll see if he remembers."

When Dean sat down on the bed and kept his eyes on the phones, Castiel settled down next to him. His lips moved over Dean's face with affection. Castiel loved Dean when he was rough and brusque, but watching Dean act in a sincerely kind, generous way also affected Cas. The sweetness Dean displayed was so rare that it excited Cas.

Dean didn't know what had gotten into Cas, but he failed at pushing him away. Concentrating on Sam was difficult to do with an angel breathing down his neck. Remembering that they were totally alone and that there wasn't a soul that could bother them, Dean grinned. He'd spent too much time worrying about Sam, and not enough time considering the definite perks to having Castiel all to himself. Sam didn't call that night, but Dean was too occupied with Cas to be upset about it.

* * *

Dean woke up when his phone rang. He crawled over Castiel's sleeping form and answered the call, "Hello?"

"Hey!" Sam called, "What's up?"

"What? I just… you just woke me up, man."

"Oh, but it's like 10am," Sam grinned and Dean could almost hear it over the phone. "I'm just calling because you told me to call."

"Oh, okay. Everything good?" Dean mumbled and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"Yup. I saw a bunch of places that were hiring around here and I already applied to a café."

"Wow, that was fast."

"Yeah, well, I'm gonna try to make money the honest way while I'm here."

Dean scrunched up his nose, wondering if his way of supporting himself was dishonest. According to the police, it definitely was, but there wasn't a whole lot of monetary payoff in hunting. Dean didn't much care of he committed fraud on a daily basis because he thought he deserved a little something for all the work he did. "Hm. Well, good for you, Sammy."

Sam sighed because he knew very well that Dean didn't mean his words. Serving people coffee instead of saving lives was pretty much an insult to Dean, but Sam didn't care. As a distraction, Sam prodded Dean, "So how'd that case go?"

"What case?" Dean shot back. Underneath him, the slumbering angel stirred.

"The one you and Cas left to do yesterday."

"Oh, right," Dean mumbled. "It's good. We're still working on it."

"Okay, well, I'm gonna go. I'll talk to you later."

"'Kay. Be careful. Call me if you need anything." Dean was about to set his phone down on the bed, but he stopped to admire his wallpaper. _Cas in bondage_. It was a classic. He commended his female self for having had the good taste to take the picture.

Dean observed Castiel as he lay dreaming and wondered if it would be creepy if he took another picture of him. Very quietly, he sat back and snapped a picture of Cas. Innocently unaware, the angel remained asleep with stray tendrils of his dark hair falling gently over his forehead. The picture was almost as good as the real deal. Dean brushed the wayward pieces of hair out of Cas' face, but then decided he liked the contrast of his dark hair against his pale skin and pushed some of Castiel's hair back over his forehead again. He made a mess of the angel's hair and Cas barely moved. Taking advantage of his stillness and vulnerability, Dean bent down and kissed Cas until he pried an eye open.

"Dean…"

"Mornin'," Dean replied before settling more kisses over his face. "You ready to kill some monsters with me?"

"What an unpalatable thing to bring up first thing in the morning," Cas groaned even as he thoroughly enjoyed the feel of Dean's magnificent mouth all over his face. Cas was still sleepy, surprisingly enough. His lips were first to become alert to respond to the love offered to him so early and so eagerly.

"I'm an unpalatable kind of guy," Dean responded. He felt Castiel's arm snake around his waist to pull him closer.

"No, you're not."

Dean was sometimes tempted to stay locked away with Castiel forever, but he knew he had a job to do. Hunting was as much a part of his character as loving Castiel had become. With Sam out of the game, Dean became determined to become strong enough to protect both himself and Sam just in case Sam became weak and susceptible. Dean told himself he needed to grow to be twice the Winchester if Sam was no longer going to hunt full-time.

He made a point to clean the monsters out of the area surrounding Sam's school, which included the cities around where Sam lived and all the neighboring states. Castiel noticed the pattern and Dean's dogged resolution to get to things before they could potentially get to Sam. Even if the Supes had never heard of Sam, being within a few hundred miles of Sam made them prime targets. Dean's ruthless preemptive strikes made him feared throughout the region. As powerful a team as Dean and Cas were, they still had some bad nights. Monsters were occasionally successful at separating the pair.

One night, an anxiety-ridden Castiel began to track Dean down after the man failed to return from an outing. He found Dean, at last, after hearing his terror-stricken prayers. To Castiel's surprise, he appeared in a dark location to the sight of two Deans covered in blood. Both Deans had been beaten, but the Dean on the floor was huffing laboriously and clutching his chest as blood seeped through his fingers. When this Dean looked over to Cas with a weakened expression, the other Dean attacked. For a second, Castiel didn't know what to do. He didn't know what the other creature was, or even which Dean was his.

"Cas, it's a ghoul!" One of the Deans cried. The angel instinctively knew that the Dean with a mouth covered in blood was the monster because the real Dean didn't have a taste for blood, but he still hesitated since the monster was physically identical to Dean. Castiel's eyes went wide when the more seriously injured Dean rammed a silver knife into the shoulder of the other Dean. The ghoulish Dean burned and groaned. Castiel sped forward to tear him off his partner and he flung him across the room into a metal shelf with such force that boxes of tools came crashing to the ground.

"Cut off its head!" the real Dean shouted, spitting out blood. The effort he made to shout caused him to moan in agony.

"Y-You wouldn't…" The ghoul pleaded pitifully, trying to use Dean's handsome face to his advantage. He pulled out the silver knife from his body and fresh burns sizzled his hands.

"Do it, Cas! For fuck's sake…" Dean whined. Sweat, blood, and saliva dribbled down his face.

"C'mon, buddy," the ghoul begged, trying to mimic Dean to the best of his abilities. He wore Dean's smile, but his mouth was full of blood. The monster quickly recognized that this was a losing battle so he tried to make a run for it, but only got an angel sword through his neck for his trouble. His head rolled off his body and Castiel abandoned his corpse to tend to the true Dean.

"Thanks…" Dean huffed. He hissed when Castiel touched his chest. Dean was struggling not to cry out and ran his mouth because if he was talking he could pretend he wasn't so dizzy, "What took you so long?"

"I'm sorry, my friend." Castiel regarded Dean with a pained expression. He couldn't adequately explain the conflict he felt about ending the life of a creature that wore Dean's face or the panic he had experienced when he doubted if he was fighting the right person. Castiel tried to tend to Dean's wounds, but the man curled away in pain. Castiel's concern doubled, but he lacked the nerve to ask how bad the damage had been. "Dean?"

"It's okay," Dean panted. "It looks worse than it is. I just need a bandage and I'll be fine. He didn't drink that much. Machetes, eh? Don't leave home without 'em."

Dean blacked out in Castiel's arms. Every word he had spoken to Cas had been to calm the angel. For the ghoul to have been able to take his form, the amount of blood he had taken from Dean had to be substantial.

Dean would have been happy to have had the opportunity to speak his last words to Castiel, but he eventually woke up in a bed to the fuzzy feeling of magic tingling over his chest. Arteries and cartilage were mending within his body at an astounding rate, electrifying him into an unnatural state of animation. He grabbed Castiel's arm, "Stop."

"But…. your wounds are deep," Castiel protested.

"Save your mojo for when we really need it. I've had deep wounds before," Dean sighed. "I was made for scars."

Although he could not understand Dean's gluttony for pain, Castiel obeyed Dean's wishes – to a point. He covered Dean in bandages that were touched with just enough of his angelic power to help Dean without being noticed. When Dean was cleaned and bandaged, he sat up in bed and gave Cas a cocky smirk. "See? I feel better already."

Castiel wanted nothing more than to cling to Dean and to never let the man out of his sight again, but he acted as though nothing extraordinary had happened. He wanted Dean to believe he was invincible in that moment in the hopes that the delusion would carry over to him.

* * *

Their job took them to the mountains to track down a wendigo. After laying waste to the monster, Dean unofficially started a vacation there with Cas because the angel liked the cabin where they had been staying so much. Castiel was glad for the break because Dean had been pushing himself far too much. Yet, even their restful days were not exceedingly restful.

Despite the greenish purple bruises that marked Dean's back from the assault he had suffered the week before, Dean still wanted Castiel to shove him into the wall to screw him senseless. Dean sucked on Castiel's fingers as the man drove into his ass from behind. Dean rested his face on his forearm while Cas eagerly caressed his hard member. He had no desire to be treated gently, so Castiel let all of his inhibitions go.

The stabs of pleasure Castiel inspired in him eclipsed any pain Dean was feeling. The Winchester moaned and begged incomprehensibly for more around the moist digits in his mouth. Dean's greed for Castiel was fulfilled with energetic, passionate thrusts. The human slipped against the wood of the wall, covered in hot seed, and slurred, "You're getting better…"

Dean's arms were sore from having been pushed into the wall, but he didn't mind. When Cas flipped him around, he greeted him with a lazy, sensual grin. Castiel supported his weakened form and pressed their mouths together. Dean was slick with sweat and drenched in the stench of sex. Castiel lowered his mouth to Dean's chest and pressed his tongue across the faint, fleshy marks on his chest.

As long as Dean was alive and still wanted him, Castiel would do whatever he could to please him. Castiel would massacre every being that laid a hand on Dean and then take ownership over his wounds. The tenderness in his chest made Dean wince, but he liked the sensation because it reminded him he had triumphed and that he had been saved because of Cas.

"I love you," Dean whispered because he didn't know what other words to use that could possibly express what he felt for Castiel, who was both his lover and champion. Castiel responded with kisses that were even more feverish. He guided Dean to the bed and pressed him down, thinking that the man with the jade eyes would never comprehend how emphatically he returned his feelings. Nevertheless, Castiel returned the inadequate phrase in a soft, affected voice.

They weren't at the cabin for more than two days before Dean woke up feeling like Woltz in _The_ _Godfather_. But, instead of finding a decapitated horse head in his bed, he found a dead rabbit tied to the doorknob of their front door. The dead animal stared at Dean with its soulless eyes. Blood was crusted around its mouth.

"What the fuck!" Dean backed away appalled and scared out of his wits. "Cas? You been rabbit hunting lately?"

"No." Then, Castiel spotted the rabbit, "Oh, what's that? That's unnerving."

"Yeah! I don't know. I just found it here!" Dean didn't want to touch it, but he pulled it off the doorknob and brought it inside. The Winchester glared down at the white animal. "This has got to be some kind of bad omen."

"Who could have left it?" Castiel inquired.

"I dunno, babe. It doesn't exactly have a note attached to it."

Nothing else unusual happened for the next twenty four hours, but Dean decided their vacation was over and that they should move along just in case. They settled into a town a few hours away. Dean called Sam as they drove to make sure everything was okay.

"You're freaked out because of a dead rabbit?" Sam asked.

"I did not say I was freaked out," Dean answered. "It's just not normal. I don't usually wake up to the sight of dead animals."

"Dude, that's so _Godfather_."

"I know! That's what I said!"

"I'll look into it," Sam promised. "But nothing weird has happened on my end."

"Good. Keep your eyes open just in case."

The next day, Dean found two dead turkeys fastened to the door of their motel room. "Cas!"

"What?"

"Look at this. Fucking look at this. Somebody left us some fucking birds this time!" Dean backed away from the door, refusing to touch the turkeys. Castiel approached the fowl and lifted them from the door. He inspected them curiously.

"Hmm…"

"What? What is it? Is this some kind of prank?"

"I don't know, but they look delicious."

"I am _not_ eating that. We don't know where they came from!"

"But Dean."

"No!" Dean replied. "This is some supernatural shit. Some kind of trick. Just wait and see. Something bad is gonna happen."

"You'll never know they're bad unless we try them." Castiel had good senses and did not get the impression that the birds had been tampered with. The angel began his experiment. Dean had thrown out the dead rabbit over night, so that evidence was gone, but the turkeys were prime for analysis. He found a single puncture wound on each bird. They had died instantly from a blow to the heart. Their feathers and the rest of their bodies were intact. Castiel used his knowledge that had been accumulated over the ages to pluck a bird and butcher it, while Dean watched with his lip curled up.

"Well, at least we know you could get a job as a butcher if we're ever low on cash," Dean commented. "I still don't like this."

Castiel brushed away Dean's worries and asked, "Have you never plucked and butchered a bird before?"

"No, sweetheart. Do I look like a friggin' caveman? Nobody does that shit anymore." Dean didn't eat anything that didn't come wrapped in paper or plastic. He worked too hard to have to make the exertion to cook his own food on top of everything else he did.

"Well, you should learn. You never know when it'll come in handy," Castiel shoved the other bird in Dean's arms. "Do this one."

"Couples butchering. You're such a romantic," Dean answered before he began to pluck the bird. As they prepared the birds, they realized they were normal in every respect. Dean's bird fared worse for the wear, but was still a prime specimen for consumption. They decided it would be wasteful to throw them away after they had worked so hard to pluck, clean, and dissect them, so Castiel set about cooking the turkeys. In turn, Dean was fascinated by the angel's culinary skills.

"It smells like Thanksgiving," Dean grinned. Of course, he didn't really remember what Thanksgiving smelled like because it had been eons since he had eaten a proper Thanksgiving meal. His most vivid memories of the holiday came from commercials and from stores that had been selling holiday themed items. Having a traditional Thanksgiving dinner was impossible when the entire family was dead. "We're a couple of weeks late, but damn if that doesn't smell awesome."

Castiel took a bite of the first turkey and tasted nothing but unadulterated flesh. He pulled off a leg and gave it to Dean. Dean was hungry enough to take it. "Aw, man. This is good."

Castiel nodded and the hint of a smile touched his lips. He enjoyed cooking for Dean and wished for the opportunity to do it more often.

"Why would someone leave us dinner?" Dean asked. "I don't get it."

The very next day, Dean found the answer to his query. When he first opened their door he stood face to face with Artemis. He didn't say a word to her. He simply slammed the door in her face and backed away. Castiel jumped to his side. "Who was it?"

"Dean? Castiel? Please open the door," The goddess pleaded. She could easily appear inside without their consent, but she remained on the other side of the door.

"No!" Dean answered, fearing that she was only there to turn him into a woman again. Castiel walked to the door against Dean's wishes and opened it a crack. He eyed the goddess with suspicion. She appeared to be embarrassed and disturbed.

"May I speak with Dean?" She asked.

"Tell her I'm not here!" Dean whisper-shouted to Castiel.

"She saw you already. She knows you're here," Castiel called back to Dean in a voice that wasn't discreet. Dean sighed heavily and walked over to the door. From behind Cas, he addressed her.

"Yeah? What's up? You here to turn me into a chick again?"

"No."

"You promise?"

"Yes."

"Swear on it. Because I'm not listening to another friggin' word from your mouth if you turn me into a woman again."

Artemis narrowed her eyes. "I swear."

Dean and Castiel were on the defensive, but they opened the door and let the goddess in. "Did you leave us the rabbit? And the turkeys?"

Artemis nodded shyly. It was clear that she was beginning to think that contacting them had been a huge mistake. Aphrodite had exerted her superiority over her and Artemis had left with nothing. Her loneliness had driven her back to Dean who she still found to be fascinating. In her desperation, Artemis had left them gifts to soften their hearts and hopefully to help them forget the unfortunate incident with the boar and everything else. Dean, however, hadn't forgotten and was not eager to speak with her again.

"Would you take me hunting?" Artemis asked. She struggled to say, "Please?"

"Are you serious?" Dean gawked.

"You said we could hunt for anything I wanted."

"That was before you threw a horned pig at my leg and jacked me up!"

"But you're better now," Artemis argued.

"No!"

"You are not a man of your word after all," Artemis fumed and Dean feared she was preparing to work her mysterious magic on him again. Dean lifted up his hands in supplication.

"Whoa, whoa. Hold on. Okay. Wait," He swallowed. "I'll take you hunting. But you have to promise not to turn me or anyone else into a woman."

"Granted."

Dean eyed Castiel warily. Cas didn't like tourists any more than Dean did, especially not of the pagan deity variety. Sensing their apprehension, the goddess sweetened the deal. "I will also grant you one wish if I am satisfied with the hunt."

"Deal," Dean responded and stretched out his hand. His arm was left hanging and he pulled it away slowly when he remembered that the goddess didn't like to be touched by any man. "What do you want to hunt?"

"Whatever you hunt," Artemis grinned. When Artemis wasn't exuding her godly prowess over them or stubbornly making their lives a living hell, she was interesting and pretty cool. She had modified her attire to suit the modern American world. Artemis wore dark pants and a green tunic. She had set a plait into her hair and remained close to Dean as they made a plan.

Dean's previous relationship with her made it difficult for him to trust her and to feel at ease around her. In the middle of explaining the weaknesses of restless spirits to her, he stopped and stared at Artemis, "Why are you doing this? Why me? Why have you been stalking me? After all this time? What is it about me that you like so much?"

Castiel also wanted to know the answer to those questions. He knew her motives could not be romantic or sexual.

Artemis pursed her lips. She admired many things about Dean, but did not like when he directed his frank, intrusive questions to her. She had trouble communicating with humans without being intimidating or commanding. "The world isn't like it used to be," she began. "The old gods struggle to find followers more than ever. I used to have so many virgin devotees. One of my favorites was a man that swore his loyalty and his chastity to me."

Dean tried hard not to chortle. He couldn't imagine a single man that would willingly swear loyalty _and_ chastity to a woman. _Sounds like a keeper_. "You should've hung onto that one."

"I couldn't. He died. Centuries ago," Artemis explained in a tone that was empty because of the immense pain she felt. Her remarks were notable to Dean because he had assumed that Artemis only took female followers. He also found something unusual in the fact that the goddess would think about a presumably human male centuries after his death with so much fondness.

Dean studied Artemis with a keen interest and wondered if she was capable of falling in love. Since she was sworn to remain a virgin, he couldn't imagine how she would handle a situation in which she found her perfect man. Would she hunt with him for the rest of his natural life, resisting temptation for as long as he lived? Out of his devotion for her, would the man have sworn his feelings were platonic to remain near Artemis? This imagined scenario hit a little too close to Dean's heart because it had almost been his reality.

"I search in vain for another man such as that," Artemis bemoaned. "Men, women, these days, rarely hunt to survive. They have the grocery. They have the shops. When I am lucky enough to find hunters, they are usually male…and they… They become lusty and imprudent."

The goddess was unable to express her displeasure with composure, so she stopped explaining. Almost every man that had impressed her with his hunting skills had also attempted to seduce her, or worse, which was intolerable. She had learned from Aphrodite and from careful observation of Dean, that he would not lay a licentious hand on her. Dean was no longer a woman and he was not a virgin, but she expected that he would at least respect her desire to remain a virgin. "I don't want to be touched. I just want to hunt. And you hunt the most interesting things. You hunt in ways that I do not understand."

"Fair enough," Dean said. He had agreed, thinking that one hunt would be enough. They took Artemis on a case to put a vengeful spirit to rest. They taught her that iron was their weakness and how salt and fire would free ghosts from the material world. Artemis, in short, was amazed. The goddess had never investigated the world of the dead because the dead were the responsibility of other gods. She was a goddess of the youthful and of new life. She found it remarkable that there were people like Dean who made lives out of hunting things she did not know existed. The first hunt fueled her curiosity and she stuck around for more.

Next, they ran into a zombie. Dean lectured Artemis on about five different kinds of zombies. He also recommended a few of his favorite zombies flicks. Artemis wasn't much for films, but she was a stellar pupil. She studied the zombie with scientific inquisitiveness until Dean finally put the thing out of its misery.

"Why?" In the dead of the night, the goddess posed a question to Dean, "Why do you hunt?"

Dean shrugged, "Why do _you_ hunt?"

"For fun," Artemis replied, "And because it is an honorable profession."

Dean rather liked the sound of that. _Honorable profession_. He wished Sam could see the family business in that light. "I'm with you there, your holiness."

"But, you have no spoils," Artemis continued with a contemplative expression on her face, "When I hunt, I am able to feed myself or others. The hides of animals can clothe people and make things. Even the bones of animals can be used. What are your spoils?"

"Spoils?" Dean considered her words, "I don't know. A whole lot of nothin'."

"Have you ever tried to eat a zombie?"

"No!" Dean made a face of repulsion. "I don't eat anything I hunt. That's gross."

"Are you paid in money?"

"No," Dean answered. "Look, I know it's crazy, but I hunt because it's in my blood. My mom and dad were hunters. I do this because I'm good at it, and because, at the end of the day, I end up saving people. All the trouble I go through, all the hell, is worth it if even one less person gets brutally murdered."

"I see," the goddess answered. "So it is an honorable profession."

"I guess so," Dean grinned at her. This, he thought, was how it must feel to have a sister. Artemis was curious, she was of a similar mind, she asked too many questions, and she put a damper on Dean's love life, but he no longer feared her presence or resented her. After this conversation, he was certain that they had done enough to please the goddess, but the next day, she appeared again to go on another mission. Dean would have put his foot down and told her they were done hunting together, but then he realized what their next target was.

"Are you familiar with werewolves?" Dean asked.

"Lycanthropy?" Castiel added when he saw that the goddess could only vaguely piece together Dean's meaning.

"Oh, yes! Like Lycaon!" Artemis answered, "Men that are cursed to become wolves."

"Not quite," Castiel interfered, "Lycaon became a full wolf from the interference of the gods. Werewolves, as we know them, are more human than they are wolf. Most of them only change at the full moon. They have fangs and yellow eyes, but otherwise appear human. They are also characterized by their penchant for devouring human hearts."

"And guess what they don't like?" Dean pointed to Artemis' weapon of choice and smiled, "Silver."

Dean really wanted to see their tiny superhero nail a werewolf. He didn't know why he hadn't thought of procuring some silver arrows before. Sure, silver bullets were cool and modern, but silver arrows had style. "Remember what we talked about. Aim for the heart."

Artemis let a single gleaming arrow fly in the dark of the forest. They ran to the patch of woods where they had heard a definitive thud and they saw the body of a former werewolf doubled over with an arrow pierced within its heart. "Awesome!" Dean shouted, "Cas! Did you see that? That was fucking brilliant! How did you do that?"

Artemis glowed under Dean's praise. Moonlight shimmered off the arrow when she reclaimed it. More than ever before, she was happy that she had not killed Dean. "I see quite well under the moonlight, especially a full moon."

"Oh, that's right! You're a moon goddess!" Dean beamed, "A moon goddess with silver arrows. _Awesome_. So awesome."

Castiel raised a brow. The angel was amazed by Dean's ability to create levity when they were in the presence of a dead body. He was impressed by the shot as well, and told Artemis as much. They escaped the scene and Dean could only talk about increasing his diversity of silver weapons on the drive back. Artemis didn't normally ride in cars, but she did that night. Dean explained that silver was incredibly useful to hunters of the supernatural and listed about a dozen types of creatures that would be vulnerable to her arrows.

Although they reached the motel on a lighter note, Dean decided to cut Artemis loose. He stood with Castiel in front of their door and tried to think of the least offensive manner of suggesting that she should leave the supernatural hunting to them. "Well, Artemis. I think you've got a pretty good idea of what we do now. You're just about prepared to handle anything that goes bump in the night."

"Oh, yes. Thank you," Artemis answered. She understood Dean's meaning and tried to make it sound like it had been her intention to leave all along. "I should return to where I belong. I have neglected the wilderness for too long."

"We each have our thing, right?" Dean smirked. "Just one more time, I gotta tell you, you are a _damn_ good shot."

The young woman shone with joy. Dean's praises tasted like the crystalline, pure water of a sacred mountaintop. "One last thing."

Dean looked at her. "Yeah?"

"I will grant you one wish, as promised, because I am a woman of my word."

Dean inhaled with excitement. _An actual wish?_ He knew that the smart people would wish for more wishes, but he didn't think Artemis would fall for that and he wasn't that greedy. He tried to think of what he really wanted, but had a hard time putting his finger on anything in particular. He had the Impala and Castiel. He would wish for Sam's safety for the rest of time, but he assumed that was an unrealistic thing to wish for. Suddenly, he got an idea.

"You got any more of those dogs?"


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, Cas, and Sam exchange Christmas presents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the final (and longest!) chapter. This is the longest fic I've ever written and it's been fun. Thank you for sticking around to read this story. I hope you have enjoyed it.

When Dean woke up the next morning, he got a face full of fur and wet nose. The man was not happy because the only tongue he ever wanted on his face was Castiel's. He cracked open an eye and glared at the puppy that had taken an interest in him. Dean was too tired to move out of the way, but he groaned, "No, not on the bed. I said not on the bed. Cas, get it out of my face."

Castiel gathered the puppy into his arms and sat with him in his lap. It was redundant to say that the puppy was adorable, but he was. The young animal had a coal-black head and a white body with large inky markings. Around the larger markings, he had tiny specks of black like someone had splattered oil on his otherwise snowy fur. The puppy's eyes were almost as dark as his head, but were lightened by a faint honey hue. After leaving Artemis' presence following the delivery of the puppy the night before, Dean had remarked that he was 'one weird lookin' dog.' The Winchester didn't know what breed he was, but it was clear that the canine was meant for greatness. He was full of energy and curiosity.

While Dean had been sleeping, the angel had stayed awake for a while to tend to the puppy's needs. The puppy had been frightened and confused because he had been taken from his brothers and sisters. Castiel sympathized with the animal and kept him close at all times. Cas deliberately broke Dean's rule of no dogs on the bed because he was worried about the puppy.

"He doesn't like to be referred to as an 'it,'" the angel grumbled back to Dean. Most of the night, the puppy had used Castiel as a pillow, but as soon as he showed an interest in Dean, he was shunned. Cas was less than pleased by Dean's behavior. It didn't come as a surprise to Dean that the puppy and Cas got along.

Dean sat up and regarded his angel holding the puppy. Cas was wearing only his underwear and a white t-shirt. If Dean slapped some wings and a halo on Cas, the scene would make for the gayest, most perfect Christmas card. Dean put a finger in the dog's face and the animal responded by sniffing his hand with his ebony nose. "What should we call you then?" Dean asked the puppy. "We should probably let Sam name you, huh?"

The dog, naturally, was intended to be for Sam. Artemis had been able to grant Dean's wish because one of her enchanted bitches of the forest of Arcadia had given birth to a litter of puppies about nine weeks ago. She had gifted a black and white puppy to Dean after commending him for his excellent taste. Her dogs were some of the most remarkable gifts within her possession. The puppy would grow to become incredibly powerful, obedient, intelligent, and loyal. Dean was planning on it. He was planning for this dog to watch over Sam when he couldn't. Dean concentrated and then said, "Michael Jackson."

"After the dead musician?" Castiel asked. "Why?"

Dean took a moment to appreciate the fact that Cas had accurately identified a pop culture icon before explaining his rationale. "Because he's black and white." Dean sniggered and went on, "We can call him MJ for short."

"I don't see the connection," Castiel frowned.

"Dude, he's totally got a song about being black and white. Or something. Hang on." Dean went off to find his laptop and then placed it on the bed. He showed Castiel the video of Michael Jackson singing 'Black or White' to the image of various people morphing into other people. Castiel was slightly disturbed by the video at the same time that he was entertained. The puppy didn't have an opinion when he was asked about the name.

"Artemis said his name was _λάμπω_."

"Yeah, and I didn't understand it the first time. What the hell does that mean?"

Castiel contemplated his words before answering, "It signifies something that is bright, like a flare, or a flash. Presumably, he was named for his lightening quickness."

"Hmm, I kind of like that." Dean remarked, "I thought she named him after a lamp. _Lampo_."

Not long after waking, Dean called Sam and told him they were going to visit for Christmas. Sam, surprised, mentioned that Christmas wasn't for another few days, but Dean insisted that he needed to visit Sam immediately. He kept the puppy a secret.

"Hey, Flash, get your ass over here. Hurry up and pee on this grass. We don't have all day!"

The puppy scurried over to Dean and obeyed. So far, Dean hadn't been disappointed in the dog. Dean even let the dog ride in the car, breaking one of his oldest rules of no dogs in the car, but only on the condition that he didn't get on the seats. Dean placed a towel at Castiel's feet and told the angel to keep the animal in that space. "If he has to pee or poop or puke and I don't have time to pull over, just hold him outside of the window."

Castiel shot Dean a look filled with repulsion and judgment.

"What?" Dean said, "I don't want any of that shit in my car."

"It shouldn't be a problem if you make a few stops on the way."

Dean directed his attention to the canine. If he was so smart, maybe he would be able to pick up on his words. "Alright, dog. Listen up. The Impala isn't your toilet. If you gotta go, you let us know and we'll stop. But do not mess up my ride. Capiche?"

"Sammy's gonna be over the moon. He loves these things," Dean commented as they drove in the direction of Sam's new home. The timing had been too perfect not to ask for a dog. The eldest Winchester was proud of himself for having come up with such an excellent plan all on his own. He was never good at giving presents, but this dog seemed like the perfect gift.

"Should I get a present for Sam too?" Castiel asked.

"Nah, this is _our_ present to Sam," Dean grinned. "After all, we did the work together."

 

* * *

 

"Hey, Cas!" Sam beamed after he opened his door. He was wearing a uniform from one of his jobs because he had gotten home just in time to receive his guests. The youngest Winchester had been working so much that he had saved up enough money to rent an apartment. He was settled in at apartment 221 on the second floor of a building that was not extravagant by any estimation. When Sam spoke to Cas with bright, twinkling eyes, he spoke with the voice of someone that had been lonely ever since they had parted. "It's so good to see you."

"Likewise, Sam. Are you well?"

"Yeah, I'm great." Sam peered over Castiel to meet his brother's eyes. For some reason, Dean was using Cas as a shield so he was partially obscured from Sam's vision. Sam laughed, "Dean, what's up? Why are you hiding back there?"

After getting a nudge from Dean, Castiel moved out of the way to reveal Dean holding the puppy in his arms. Dean lifted the dog out to Sam and said, "Merry Christmas, Sam."

Sam had been tortured on Christmas. He had been left alone on Christmas. He had received a number of subpar gifts and had spent Christmases in a variety of mediocre to horrifying ways, but Sam had never received a present he'd wanted so badly for so long. Sam fell in love with the puppy instantly. His eyes went glossy. "You got me a puppy?"

"Yeah, we did. Hurry up and take it. I'm tired of it already," Dean complained and Sam took the animal in his arms. "I've got a few suggestions for names. Michael Jackson or Spartacus."

Dean pushed by Sam and let himself in and Castiel followed. Sam had been too busy squealing over the puppy to immediately recognize Dean's odd name choices. "What?" He called to Dean. "Michael Jackson? Oh, because he's black and white. Ha ha."

"I've been callin' him Flash too, like the Justice League Flash. Cas says Artemis called him _Lampo_ , which is supposed to mean 'flash.'"

"He's the coolest!" Sam beamed. He hoisted the puppy up to thoroughly inspect him. "You've got a little black head, puppy. You are so cute."

While Sam introduced himself to the animal and received a tongue bath to the face, Dean took in Sam's place. Dean and Castiel both found it to be incredibly depressing. Sam didn't have a couch or a dining room table. He had an old TV, but not much else. "This is…homey," Dean commented.

"Sorry, I haven't gotten around to getting furniture," Sam bristled up with embarrassment. The truth was that he didn't believe his own luck. The entire time he'd been apart from Cas and Dean, Sam had honestly believed that some incredible threat would appear to jeopardize all of humanity and that Dean would come crawling to him, begging for help. Sam would help, not because of any pressure, but because he would feel compelled to jump to Dean's protection if things got bad enough. Sam would have to leave everything behind again, including furniture, so he never got any. Now, he was holding a puppy and Dean and Cas had come over on a social call instead of a call of impending doom. _Is this real?_

Sam was standing around with such a befuddled expression on his face that Dean began to worry. He brought his brother back to reality with a question. "So you like the dog, or what?"

"How could I not?" Sam asked. Part of the reason he had selected this apartment building was because they allowed dogs. "Is he really mine?"

"Yeah. I've been telling him the entire drive here that you're gonna be his master. I got him special for you," Dean remarked. "Artemis says he's gonna grow into a supernatural badass dog. Like, he'll be able to take down lions and shit. I'm pretty sure he can teleport, but I'm not sure how. Doesn't really have a manual, you know?"

"Thank you, Dean," Sam blubbered.

"Hey, no big deal," Dean waved his feelings away, but was inwardly glowing. When Sam finally set the puppy down, the animal walked around the sparse apartment as if to survey the perimeter. When he was done, he wandered back next to Sam.

"You don't mind if we stay here, do you?" Castiel asked from behind the bar.

"No, of course not," Sam answered. "I only have one bed though. Are you going to stay for the rest of the week? I have to go to work again at night. I've got two jobs right now."

"Do what you gotta do. Cas and I will find something to do," Dean grinned. "Right now, if you're free, I think we should probably start by getting you some real furniture."

"Oh, I should get some dog food too…" Sam suggested. "What does he eat? He doesn't have some kind of magical diet or anything, does he?"

Castiel and Dean eyed each other and shrugged. "I guess that's something we should have asked Artemis," Dean replied. "I'm sure he can eat anything. We gave him some Doritos last night."

"No! Seriously?"

"Only a couple! Cas also gave him most of the turkey from his sandwich. The dog's fine. Don't worry about it."

Castiel and Dean recounted their hunts with Artemis as they shopped around for second-hand furniture with Sam. Sam listened intently to stories of their other hunts and was surprised by how much he missed it and how much he missed them. By comparison, Sam's life had become boring. He was a barista by day and a bartender by night, burning the candle at both ends until classes started. His books were going to be expensive and so was the rent. The scholarship only helped pay part of the way.

"So how are classes going, huh?" Dean asked as they repositioned some chairs into Sam's apartment. Sam froze and Dean eyed him with intensity.

"About that…" Sam paused, "They haven't started yet."

"What do you mean they haven't started yet?" Dean responded bitterly. A chair squeaked on the wood of Sam's floor and Dean scrunched up his face with displeasure. "So you've been lying to me all this time? Did you even get accepted into school or was that email a lie too?"

"Yes, Dean," Sam exhaled, "I got into school. It's just that the new semester doesn't start till January."

"Then why'd you lie to me? Was that just an excuse to get rid of us faster? Do you hate being around us so much?"

"Because you thought I was in school already!" Sam returned. "Of course I don't hate being around you guys. I missed you both. A lot."

"God damn it, Sammy."

Sam looked over to Cas, hoping to get some support from the angel. Castiel was moving furniture around, listening carefully to their conversation, but unsure if he should butt in or how he should do it. He gave Sam a sympathetic look when their eyes met.

"You know I didn't want to hunt. Even if I didn't have school, I'd want to be here," Sam remarked. Sam set up an area for the puppy and placed a bowl of fresh food and water for the animal. He set down to pet the dog, happy that at least this animal wouldn't judge him or try to control him.

Castiel sent Dean a glare and the oldest Winchester threw up his hands in defeat. He couldn't see how they both didn't mind Sam's blatant lies. The subject was dropped and the three spent the rest of Sam's time off cleaning and playing with the dog. The puppy had a unique ability to make them all smile.

 

* * *

 

"Why do you think Sam didn't get any furniture after all this time?" Castiel asked as he inspected Sam's bedroom with Dean. Now that they were alone, the pair found themselves chatting about Sam. The bedroom had a bed, a ten-dollar desk to support Sam's prized laptop, a folding chair, and nothing else. Sam's travelling bag was set down in the corner of the room, full of clothing and prepared for a sudden trip.

"I dunno. Maybe he's cheap," Dean answered, "Or maybe he didn't have anyone to help him with the heavy stuff."

Castiel noticed Dean encroaching on his space and backed away until the backs of his legs were pressed into the side of Sam's bed. He knew what the look in Dean's eyes meant but didn't stop Dean when he pressed their lips together. "Dean…"

"What?" Dean asked after enjoying another mouthful of Cas.

"We're in Sam's room."

"Yeah, and Sam isn't here," Dean replied. About an hour had passed since Sam had left for his other job. Dean sunk down to his knees and nuzzled Castiel's crotch. While he worked to undo the angel's belt, Cas stumbled back onto the bed. He felt strange to be in Sam's bed and was filled with hesitation. The last time Sam had caught them in the act was still fresh in Castiel's mind and he didn't want to repeat the embarrassment. Cas especially didn't want to be caught with Dean on Sam's bed, but he was already excited by Dean's proposal. Dean, on the other hand, didn't care. He was still a little angry with Sam and he thought now was the perfect moment to get some Cas love.

"Just relax," Dean whispered before lapping the other man's erection. He took Cas into his mouth and sucked just the way the angel liked it. Castiel didn't protest because he could never refuse Dean's incredible mouth.

"But… Sam…" Castiel moaned, unable to string together the complete sentence he had in his mind. When Dean heard his brother's name moaned from his angel's mouth, he was spurred on to suck Cas more furiously. "Wait," Castiel huffed, "Dean."

"What," Dean answered sharply. Castiel inched back on the bed and beckoned Dean with a wave.

"Come here," He said. Dean crawled on top of Cas, licking his lips. His irritation only began to fade when Castiel unzipped Dean's pants and released him from his boxers. The door to Sam's room was shut slowly and locked by an invisible holy power. When he had him closed off in the room, Cas caressed Dean's dick and murmured, "Turn around."

Within seconds, Castiel was stroking and sucking Dean as the Winchester returned the favor. Dean loved the fact that this had become one of Castiel's favorite positions. Cas always seemed to blow him more vigorously when he was also getting sucked off. Whether he was the six or the nine of sixty-nine, Cas loved the reciprocity of the position. Dean moaned around the engorged cock in his mouth as Cas lovingly massaged, licked, and sucked him in return. They gradually became overwhelmed by the pleasure of their mutual attentions.

Castiel was no longer surprised by how badly he wanted to make Dean come and by how desperately he wanted to taste him. Castiel privately pleaded Dean to fill him. Soon, he was bathed in Dean's fluids. Dean's climax made a mess of his mouth and tarnished Castiel's shirt, tie, and coat. When the angel came, Dean licked him clean, careful not to sully Sam's bed any more than they already had. Dean's tongue made Cas shiver and groan.

"You taste so good, Cas," Dean whispered between Castiel's legs. The Winchester sat to the side to inspect the other man and smiled with satisfaction when he saw what a mess he had made of Castiel. He was overcome with a swell of pride because Cas so loved to be drenched in his essence.

"You're adorable." Dean praised Cas with his tongue, licking away the trail of cum that flowed from his lips. He lavished Cas with attention and the angel responded with sweet kisses. Dean tugged on Castiel's tie and gave the blue fabric a kiss, "Dirty son of a bitch."

Around another taste of Dean, Castiel mumbled against his lips, "We should wash the sheets."

"You serious?" Dean muttered back. Castiel nodded, and Dean laughed, "But we didn't get them dirty."

 _Fuck Sam and his fucking sheets_.

"You have to wash your clothes anyway."

Castiel got his way in the end and Dean followed him around the apartment like he was his shadow. After being on the road with Dean for a while now, the angel had become rather familiar with laundromats. For whatever reason, Castiel would occasionally volunteer to do the laundry even though he never had any dirty clothes of his own. Castiel's most recent love stains miraculously vanished as he set about to wash clothes. Watching the other man do even these mundane things was endearing to Dean. He sat on the washer as Cas loaded the machine and chatted idly with the angel until, inevitably, his mind returned to sex. Dean reclined on the washer and spread his legs. "Hey, Cas," he said. "We should do it in here."

"No," Castiel answered immediately even though he was tempted. Dean drew Cas near by his coat, exuding seduction like it was his purpose in life.

"At least a kiss?" Dean pleaded. At this, Cas leaned forward and covered his mouth with his own. Finally, Dean could see the appeal of having a setup like this. They couldn't lock lips at the laundromat without getting a heap of unwanted attention, although perhaps someday Dean would try. They definitely could not do what Dean was fantasizing about in public unless they both wanted to get thrown into jail. In the nook that was Sam's laundry room, Dean felt completely at home slipping his hands beneath Cas' suit jacket to feel the warm body beneath it. The angel kneed the washer door shut and leaned in to Dean to suck and kiss his gorgeous lips. Cas knew this was just another way of Dean's to coax him into sex, so Cas pulled away. Dean nudged him with his ankle. "C'mon, baby. We've got the place all to ourselves."

"No, Dean," Cas hissed.

"But you're so sexy when you do laundry," Dean grinned and pressed his lips to the corner of Castiel's mouth.

"Am I?" Cas shone on the inside and reached behind Dean to set the machine to colors. He was drawn into another welcomed kiss and pressed himself further into Dean as they kissed to push the start button to get the washer whirring. During an interlude of their mingling mouths, Cas sighed, "How is that possible? How is me doing laundry sexy?"

"'Cause you're sexy all the time," Dean purred and tugged at the waist of Castiel's pants. Cas struggled to fight what he knew he wanted. His hands were placed on either side of Dean on top of the vibrating machine. Cas always found himself being pulled into something by Dean, but he still felt guilty about what they were doing because he respected Sam's space.

"You would do it with me in every room in this apartment," Castiel stated, knowing it to be a fact.

"On every damn surface," Dean replied.

"We just cleaned every surface," Castiel countered. He was wavering, but stood his ground. "It's a bad idea."

"You love me for my bad ideas," Dean winked and Cas didn't deny it. Suddenly, Castiel's attention shifted to the living room. He cocked his head to the side, listened, and then frowned.

"Were we supposed to walk the dog?" Castiel said and Dean deflated instantly. They had promised Sam one thing and that was to walk the dog while he was out. Oddly, there was a lack of the pitter-pattering of paws in the apartment. Apart from the sound of the washer and their voices, the apartment was still. "It seems kind of quiet, don't you think?"

"Aw, forget about the dog," Dean whined, but Cas had already left to go search for the animal. To himself, Dean complained, "I thought of a name for the dog. I'm gonna start calling him Cockblocker."

Their promise to Sam never got fulfilled because the puppy had vanished from the apartment. This turn of events put both men on edge. They searched high and low for Flash but never found him. In a moment of weakness, Dean was filled with horror at that thought that maybe Cas had loaded him into the washer, but Cas shot down that idea quickly.

"Hey, Sam. Okay, here's the deal. We lost your dog," Dean explained over the phone to Sam. Sam wasn't supposed to be taking personal calls, but he had gotten someone to cover for him for a quick minute.

"What? How did you lose him? The apartment isn't that big. Did you leave the door open?" Sam responded.

"No, I didn't leave the door open," Dean shot back. "He just Houdini'd himself out. We looked everywhere. We even walked around the block callin' for him."

Sam was more upset than he was angry. He'd had the puppy for less than a day and he was already gone. He sighed and pressed his palm to his forehead. He kicked a can behind the alley of the bar in his distress, but then thought better and went to pick it up to throw it away in the appropriate receptacle. When he walked by the bins, a dark black head peered up at him. Sam didn't notice it until the animal barked. "Jesus!" Sam cried and Dean asked him what was going on from the other end of the line. The puppy scampered out of his hiding spot and got up on his hind legs to paw at Sam's shins. "Oh, puppy! Puppy, you came to look for me. Oh my God. Little puppy, c'mere."

Dean frowned. "He's over there with you?"

"He's right here," Sam smiled and gathered the animal into his arms. "How did he even know where I was? Oh my God, he's so smart. Who's a good boy?"

"Alright, well, if everything's cool, I'm gonna let you go. Bye, Sammy." Dean hung up.

"No, wait!" Sam cried a second too late. _What am I going to do with you?_ He doubted he was supposed to have animals at work, but he would have to manage somehow.

When Sam finally returned home, he found Dean and Castiel spread out on his moss green couch, asleep in front of _Die Hard_. Sam had never seen his place look like a home until it was full of furniture and the cozy scene before him. He carried the puppy inside, already knowing that this would be one of his favorite Christmases.

 

* * *

 

Even though he was exhausted from working all day and night, Sam went out to do some secret shopping. He collapsed on clean sheets, pleased by the scent of fresh lavender that lulled him to sleep. When Cas and Dean woke up, the tiniest Christmas tree was perched beside them with poorly wrapped presents resting under its dull illumination. Dean wandered over to the tree and shook his present. There was one for Cas too.

"He got us presents?" Dean smiled. That was just like Sam. "Well, I guess it is Christmas."

Castiel inched towards the bedroom and saw Sam sprawled out on his bed. He was fully clothed, unbathed, and had rings around his eyes. The puppy slept beside Sam until Castiel took another step forward. Flash's eye cracked open and Castiel backed away to leave Sam in peace. Sam didn't wake up until about noon when he popped out of bed like he was late for something. He ripped off his clothes and bolted into the shower. Sam didn't remember he'd been able to get the next few days off until he was in front of his mirror brushing his teeth. He laughed at his reflection and thanked the gods that he'd worked so hard and covered for so many people that he was able to get the time off that he needed.

"Hey guys!" Sam beamed as he wandered out into the living room. "I have the next few days off!"

"Good. Now sit down," Dean commanded with a spatula. "I'm making breakfast."

"Breakfast? But it's already past noon."

"We waited for you," Dean admitted reluctantly. Castiel poured Sam a cup of coffee while Dean fiddled with the stove.

"Thanks, Cas," Sam took a whiff of the heavenly brew. He wouldn't have prayed for anything else at the moment. Dean made French toast and surprised everyone with his culinary skills. The toast was mainly for Cas because he knew Cas loved toast, but Dean also thought Sam would need something indulgent after the late night he'd had. Just for Sam, Dean cut up a heap of fruit too. When Sam asked when he'd learned to cook French toast like that, Dean simply replied that he knew how to cook everything from having taken care of Sam most of his life.

"I've made you French toast before," Dean said before shoveling another hot toasty mess into his mouth.

"I don't remember," Sam answered.

"That's because you never remember anything," Dean complained. "You better remember this time."

Christmas Eve was filled with laziness and more food. All three men crowded into the kitchen to figure out how ham was supposed to be prepared. Sam had only purchased the ham because he'd seen people eating ham on Christmas in movies. Since he had an oven, he wanted to test out the Christmas ham phenomenon. Sam whipped up some buttery veggies that even Dean could enjoy. Cas made an ancient sweet pancake dessert that the brothers had ever heard of, but everyone appreciated.

Dean got so impatient to open his present that he persuaded Sam that Christmas would start at midnight. It was only fair since Sam's present was already running around the apartment. At the stroke of midnight, Sam handed each of the other men a box and apologized in advance, "Okay, don't get your hopes up. I didn't have a lot of time to shop. I'm sorry."

"This is some presentation," Dean teased as he shifted the box around to observe the horrid wrapping job. "Were you drunk when you wrapped this?"

"I was really tired. Shut up, Dean. I didn't realize it was so bad until the next morning."

Castiel didn't know what the tradition was, so he sat around and waited for Dean to open his present first. Inside the box he had been given were several other boxes. "You got me bullets?"

"I'm sorry! I didn't know what you would want," Sam blushed. His only thought had been that since Dean was obsessed with hunting, he would appreciate something that was related to hunting.

"I fucking love bullets," Dean proclaimed emphatically. He pulled out so many boxes of bullets of all the kinds he needed and spread them out like precious gems on the floor. Under all of the ammo, Dean came across a box that was different than the others. He pulled it out with admiration. "And a new knife. Oh, this is sexy. Thanks, Sam."

"You're welcome. The guy at the shop totally thought I was a serial killer," Sam chuckled. "I went in so late looking like hell, but I got a good deal. Actually, now that I think about it, I think a lot of people think I'm a serial killer…"

Sam shrugged his shoulders and reminded himself that killing was probably not a good subject to dwell upon on Christmas even if it made up a majority of all their lives. Sam begged Cas to open his present and the angel did with so much care that the brothers told him just to rip it. When Cas removed the tin lid of the box containing his present, he saw a beautiful cerulean blue fabric. He pulled out the material and found it to be a soft scarf. Underneath the scarf was a pair of Aviator sunglasses. "Thank you, Sam. It's beautiful. And these will be useful."

Sam felt embarrassed because he suspected that the angel probably didn't get cold and that the sun also most likely didn't bother his eyes. He just thought the blue suited Cas and maybe he could use the sunglasses. Cas did squint a lot, but Sam was fairly certain Cas was humoring him. Dean seemed to enjoy the presents intended for the angel even more than Cas did. "Put 'em on," Dean urged.

The angel set the sunglasses on his face and wrapped the scarf around his neck. He was transformed into a completely different person to the boys and appeared uncharacteristically cool. "I think it's hot," Dean said.

Castiel really was hard to shop for, but Sam apologized again anyway, "Sorry, man. Next time I'll think of something better."

"I got you something too," Dean said to Cas. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a package of cigars. "Merry Christmas."

"And you made fun of my wrapping skills?" Sam raised a brow. Sam would bet his wages for a week that Dean had impulsively purchased something for Castiel at the last minute, while buying chips at the gas station. He imagined Dean bought the first thing at eye level that he could attach to Cas in some round about way. Truthfully, Dean had been musing about Castiel's present for a while, but still came up with nothing extraordinary. Reality had played out very close to what Sam envisioned. While Dean had been thinking about what to get Castiel at a shop, his eyes had caught the cigars. He thought about Castiel's lips around a cigar and decided that was something Cas needed to have. Sam asked, "Why cigars? Cas, did you pick up smoking?"

"Hey, listen. People smoke cigars when they celebrate stuff, right? Christmas is a celebration, put two and two together," Dean replied. Then, he sighed softly, "And Cas does like to suck on things."

Sam's hand flew to his mouth. He couldn't believe Dean's crassness, or that his brother would select such an ill-conceived gift for the person he loved most. "I don't think you understand the concept of Christmas, Dean. The present was supposed to be for him not _you_."

Dean swallowed, suspecting that he'd made a condemnable error. He'd never been good at the whole Christmas thing, which is why he generally hated it. "Wait, I'm not done."

He disappeared for a minute and returned with a bottle. He presented it to Cas. "This is for you too. It's some brandy, 'cause I know you like it."

"Thank you, Dean," Castiel answered with genuine contentment. He wasn't used to receiving gifts of any kind and found the experience to be bizarre, yet amusing. He had no other Christmas experiences to compare this one to, so even Dean's inadequate presents were appreciated. Cas gave Dean an adoring look, "We'll drink it together."

"Okay," Dean answered shyly.

Sam didn't know how Castiel put up with Dean, but he was glad he did because he'd never seen his brother so happy. Dean didn't scream his love from the mountaintop, at least not in Sam's presence, but it was evident that Dean was a changed man. He had changed for the better. At the moment, Dean looked like he was restraining himself strongly from pulling Cas into his arms. In his peculiar way, this was about as thoughtful and generous as Dean ever got to be.

"I didn't get you anything," Castiel said to Dean with a hint of disappointment in his voice. He couldn't believe he had forgotten such an important detail and felt ashamed that he had never thought to get Dean a present. "I'm sorry."

"Forget about it," Dean responded. "I got you. And, I guess Sam."

"What do you mean 'you guess'?" Sam said in a mockingly wounded voice. "I slaved to buy you those bullets. I hand crafted that knife myself."

"Alright, drama queen."

"Weirdo."

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

They poured some drinks and managed to enjoy the rest of the night without anyone getting kidnapped, stabbed, shot, or bloodied. If anything, that was the true Christmas miracle.

 

* * *

 

Dean and Cas spent another day together with Sam before heading back on the road. For the next few days, they spent a lot of time driving. Dean thought about getting a house more than he ever had before, but he never mentioned it to Cas because he knew he wouldn't be able to live away from the road. The road was his life and the Impala was the only home he needed. Dean decided that maybe every now and then he would just live vicariously through Sam. Dean and Cas settled into the Cactus Inn Motel for the night.

Dean relaxed and cleaned his gun while Cas read the newspaper for any unusual stories. Dean took a swig of beer and spoke to Cas, "Anything interesting?"

"No," Castiel replied. He continued to flip through the paper, but the trained eye could tell he was distracted. When Dean put away his cleaned weapon, Cas addressed the other man. "Dean?"

"Yeah?" Dean glanced over to Cas and could tell the man was mulling over something that was bothering him.

"How late can you give Christmas gifts?"

Dean grinned, "Are you still thinking about that? I told you, I don't want anything. It's fine. Why do you ask?"

"Because I got you something," Cas said flatly. He folded up the paper nervously because he needed to do something with his hands. Dean tossed Cas a smirk and waited with anticipation.

"Well, where is it?" he asked. Dean hadn't noticed Castiel wrapping anything and he didn't remember a time when Castiel had been gone for longer than a few moments. But then, Cas could teleport and was quite fast so it would be effortless for him to sneak off to get Dean something without Dean being any wiser.

Castiel only became more flustered. In a hushed tone, he said, "You have to take off my clothes to get it."

"I like where this is going." Dean wandered over to Cas and pulled the man on his feet. Castiel was trying to be sexy, and it was working. This was exactly Dean's kind of Christmas. With excitement, he shed Castiel's coat. "What could it be?" He muttered to Cas as he pulled off his tie. He left kisses all over Castiel's face and made quick work of his suit jacket and shirt. Dean carefully observed the other man's bare chest and found nothing out of the ordinary.

Castiel was afraid that he'd made a mistake in the gift he had selected for Dean, but it was too late to turn back now. Cas kicked off his shoes to reveal restlessly squirming toes clad in black. Dean's fingers were slipping around his belt and his thigh was sliding between his legs. "Whatever it is, I know I'm gonna like it," Dean whispered and unzipped Castiel's pants. The angel shut his eyes as he was kissed and Dean moved his hand into Castiel's slacks.

"What's this?" Dean inhaled sharply as his fingers felt around an angel dick clothed in material that was sleeker than he was used to. Spurred by excitement, Dean rapidly pulled down Cas' pants. He cried out in surprise, "Holy shit, Cas."

 _No_.

Dean couldn't believe his eyes. He knelt before Cas in worship and his mouth became numb with lust because Cas was wearing black thigh high nylons. He had a garter belt on and matching black panties. Dean knew he should have expected something of this nature, given that Cas had specified that his gift to Dean was beneath his clothing, but Dean would have never imagined Castiel in lingerie. Dean was stunned by how alluring he looked in the black garments of seduction.

Even though he was still covered, Castiel felt more naked than ever before. He stepped out of his pants and kicked them to the side to give Dean a full view of his body. "Is it okay?" Castiel looked down at Dean with his blue eyes filled with apprehension. "They only sold these in women's sections, so I'm sure they're not meant for men, but I…"

"N-No, it's good." Dean caressed up Castiel's smooth calf and thigh. He pressed his mouth to the lacy detail that met with the buckle of the garter. Dean nearly swooned, "It's really good."

Castiel gasped when Dean hoisted him up and carried him to the bed. Dean's fingers trailed patterns on the bottoms of Castiel's feet, which caused the man let out an involuntary laugh. "Dean," Cas breathed, "What did you just do?"

"What, this?" Dean brushed his fingers on Castiel's feet again, producing another short, instinctive laugh. _Fuck me_. "Cas, you're ticklish? You sexy mother fucker."

Dean crawled up on Cas' body with energy, leaving kisses all over his legs and mid-section as he provoked more soft laughs from the angel. Dean kissed his cock over the panties and ran his eager tongue over his length. "What made you do this?" Dean muttered between Castiel's legs. "Panties, garters, how the fuck did you know this is exactly what I wanted for Christmas?"

"I didn't," Castiel moaned helplessly beneath Dean. He was so uninhibited that he responded with greater honestly than he thought he should have. "I did it because you did it for me, and… in case you miss women."

Castiel looked down and met Dean's intense green eyes. He remembered the sleek, lacy bra Dean had worn as a woman. That was where Cas had gotten the idea because he wanted Dean to feel the same satisfaction that he had felt upon seeing Dean clad so beautifully in emerald. Castiel knew that Dean loved him, but he wasn't sure if he could be enough, though he tried to be. Aphrodite had mentioned that Dean would never touch a woman again, but Cas still entertained the idea that someday Dean would want more than what he could offer. He had known Dean long enough to be aware of the fact that monogamy was not his norm. Dean was frozen in thought and affected with a shiver of sadness.

"No. No, baby. I don't miss women," Dean furrowed his brow. Castiel was more beautiful inside and out than any woman – any person – he had ever met. Cas could smite a demon with a touch, he could sear a human's eyes with the power of his true existence, and he was timelessly wise and knowledgeable. Yet, he had gone to the lengths to buy lingerie to keep Dean's attention. Dean couldn't believe Castiel would worry about such things when he was powerful and incredible in so many ways. Before Cas, Dean had only believed in family, death, and pain. Now, he had everlasting love and friendship. Dean couldn't make himself miss women if he tried because he had someone like Cas.

"You still don't get it," Dean sat up on the bed and lifted Castiel's lower body with him. He wrapped his arms around Castiel's hips and upper thighs to support him and buried his face between his legs. Dean nudged the black panties out of the way around Cas' thighs. His tongue caressed the rim of Castiel's entrance with loving strokes. "I love your tight ass," Dean growled. He looked Cas directly in the eyes, "I love your dick."

Dean released Castiel from the severe position he had been in after lavishing him with his tongue in tortuous licks. Dean shed his layers of clothing and directed all of his attention to Cas, "I love every fucking thing about you, and that's why I want you to come buckets. I want you, Cas, more than I'll ever want anyone else."

Castiel was stunned by the intense reaction his poorly chosen words had inspired. A trace of water lined the corner of his eye and his skin flushed as Dean wrapped his mouth around Castiel's erection. The Winchester penetrated Cas with eager slickened fingers. He knew exactly how to curl his digits to encourage blissful whimpers and heated moans. Dean was fervent in his treatment of Cas. He intended to make the angel believe he was all he needed through the device of passion.

The onyx of the nylons brushed over Dean's shoulders as Cas writhed and panted beneath Dean. Cas was hot iron in Dean's mouth, but the rest of his body was weak and sensitive. In soft tones, Cas cried out Dean's name in praise. With a sharp jolt of stimulation, he arched his back and drove further into Dean's mouth. The Winchester swallowed the challenge with greed and the desire to make Castiel lose even more of his control.

_Come, baby. Fill me up._

Dean closed his eyes and could feel the hardened cock beneath the stroke of his palm begin to waver. His tongue caressed Cas one last time before Castiel reached a heady orgasm. Dean continued to prod Cas using his fingers because he loved to see his angel afflicted by too many sensations of elation. Castiel shuddered when Dean ran his hand over his leg. "Dean."

The Winchester snapped the jet black suspender on his leg and had to swallow to reply, "Yeah?"

Wordlessly, Castiel pushed his leg beneath Dean to stroke his stiff member with his foot. He curled into the bed and rubbed the nylon against Dean again because he cherished the look of arousal on Dean's face. Castiel's stockings became covered in pre-cum as he continued to fondle Dean. "Please," Cas implored softly, "Take me."

Dean obeyed Castiel with startling urgency. The clips of Cas' garter suspenders were unfastened and his panties were all but torn away. Dean swung the angel's legs over his shoulders and impaled Cas into the bed. Dean could only respond to Castiel's sweetness and his wanton cravings with rough thrusts and moist, heated kisses. He drove Castiel into the headboard and the angel was thrilled by every second.

Dean pounded into Cas with aggression. He ripped the black cloth around Castiel's leg without noticing because he was so overcome with enthusiasm. Castiel gripped Dean forcefully and begged for more with small, affected whimpers. Dean groped Castiel's perfect ass and slipped a hand under Cas' garter belt to claw the pale skin there.

Castiel bucked up into Dean and the man responded with a groan of gratification. Dean moved his face into Castiel's sweat-slicked skin and tore his teeth into the angel. He loved Castiel so much he couldn't help wanting to tear him apart. Castiel gasped and moaned. The blaze in Dean's eyes was well worth the pain that seeped into his body.

The angel buried a hand in Dean's dirty blond hair and pulled, which only incited Dean. Castiel was pressed onto his side so Dean could fuck him sideways. Dean delved in deeply and his pace quickened. When he finally spilled his climax into Castiel's body, Dean trailed his mouth along Castiel's back. He remained inside of Cas and huffed warm breaths into his skin as they rested together. After some moments, Dean gathered Castiel into his body with a muscled arm and reached over to cover his mouth with his own in a prolonged, impassioned kiss.

Dean tugged gently on Castiel's lips and then asked in a hushed voice, "You gonna say I miss women again?"

"No," Cas whined in return. He shook his head and Dean ran his tongue over his ear before whispering to him again.

"Good. You better not. But you can wear lingerie any fucking day of the week." Dean pressed Castiel down on his stomach with care because the angel had been reduced to a delicate heap of tingling sex. Dean didn't stop adorning him with affection. He admired the lace on his hips and caressed the material while leaving kisses on Castiel's back. Dean found one of the sensitive spots beneath Cas' shoulder blade and sucked. Castiel made a sniveling sound and pulled on the sheets.

Dean could only think of one thing he wanted in addition to the angel in black shuddering in his arms. There was only ever one thing he could ask of Cas and never receive. "Cas, there's only one thing that would make this more perfect," Dean murmured quietly, because he was bared down for another rejection. Into his neck, he begged, "Angel, baby, would you give it to me?"

"I'll give you anything," Cas cried, unaware of what Dean meant until it was spelled out to him.

"I want to touch you," Dean said. Castiel's eyes widened because Dean was already holding and kissing a great deal of him. He knew he could mean only one thing. "Your heavenly body. Your angel wings. Cas, could you – "

"No," Castiel responded with a firmness that almost made Dean give up. Dean flinched but didn't let go of Cas or his desire. The angel knew Dean would never stop asking. "I can't. You know I can't. You can never look upon my true form."

Dean had listened to those very words more than once, but he had never felt so crushed by them. "Please?" Dean breathed and caressed the space where he knew the appendages existed in some other plane of existence. "I know you want it as much as I do."

"I would never deny you something if it was in my power to give it to you." Castiel insisted, "But you know what you want is impossible. I can't hurt you."

Dean mulled over Castiel's words in silence. He knew his eyes would fry into his skull if he ever looked at the real Cas and that fact filled him with immense woe. He wanted to touch the angel Cas in the same way he touched Cas' human form. He needed to feel him. Worse things had happened to Dean than blindness, so he refused to give up. "We can figure something out, can't we?"

"It's not worth it. I could heal you after seeing me, but you still wouldn't be able to comprehend whatever you saw," Castiel sighed, correctly guessing Dean's foolish plan. Cas didn't think there were appropriate words in any human language to explain his multi-dimensional existence. Dean couldn't even listen to his voice without cowering in agony, so Castiel completely ruled out the notion of Dean ever catching the smallest glimpse of his body. Cas hid his face into the bed, wishing Dean had never asked.

"I don't care what it takes. I need a piece of the real you," Dean asserted. He still found it difficult to express his honest feelings to any person, but he endeavored to describe to Cas why it mattered so much to him. "I lived as a chick for more than two weeks. I let you – and nobody else – fuck me and touch me. I loved every second you looked at me, but it's not the same. You've got the real me now and I need the real you. I know you need it too."

"Dean, no. You can't look at me," Cas repeated. He covered his face with his hands and trembled. His worst fear, apart from hurting Dean, was that Dean would find his angelic form disturbing, repulsive, and ugly. He enjoyed the gazes Dean gave him when he admired his blue eyes. Cas preferred to wear the fleshy muscles Dean had became so familiar with. He had given Dean everything else, but he could never give him this.

"What if I don't look?" Dean asked. He pressed a kiss on Castiel's cheek and pulled away the angel's hand to have a look into his frightened, pained eyes. "What if I just touch?"

Cas blinked, "I don't know."

"Have you ever tried it?"

"You could die," Cas stated while looking at Dean straight in his eyes.

Dean was afraid of death, but he knew there were things that were much worse. "You don't know what would happen, do you? That means it could work."

"It's a bad idea."

"You love me for my bad ideas," Dean grinned.

Castiel contemplated Dean. He was right in many ways, but Cas was still terrified. Dean turned Cas so that they were completely facing each other. "If you let me try this, I'll never ask again," Dean said, "I won't look. Just touch."

"It's dangerous, Dean. You don't understand how dangerous this could be," Cas stressed, "No human has ever touched me."

"And no other human ever should. How many times have we saved each other's lives? How many friggin' times have you died for me?" Dean hissed. "We have a God damned union that's blessed by a fucking goddess. Have just the tiniest bit of faith, just for me."

Castiel remembered a time that seemed like an eternity ago when he had spoken to Dean about his lack of faith. It was strange, how much things had changed. "You would have to be blindfolded."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

Castiel paused. "You can touch one feather with the tip of your finger. Just my wings. I'll only reveal my wings."

Dean pressed his lips to Castiel's brow repeatedly. He pulled the man up and kissed him passionately. Cas sat with Dean after finding his tie. "Close your eyes," Cas commanded. When Dean complied, Castiel wrapped his tie around his head and secured it tightly. "Keep your eyes closed no matter what happens and don't move the blindfold. If I even suspect you're trying to peak, I'll put my wings away and we will never have this conversation again."

Dean nodded and practiced keeping his eyes closed.

"Say you won't look. Say it."

"I won't look. I promise I won't look." Dean shivered because he liked it when Castiel laid down the rules and because he was so excited to have the unique opportunity to be in the presence of Castiel's true nature. Dean knew Castiel was greater than he would ever be, but it rarely frightened him as it did now. He would summon the courage not to let any of his fear show because he wanted to touch Cas more than he wanted anything. His jaw stiffened. "I'm ready whenever you are."

Wearing little other than the blindfold, Dean felt gentle lips on his mouth. Dean didn't have to look to know when Castiel's wings had materialized into their dimension. They tore through space, rending a thunderous crack in reality. Their meeting was like that of a gray falcon and a sightless mouse. They were both as still as they could manage for fear that one wrong move would cause a tragic end to the peace they were sharing.

For several moments, Dean sat across from Castiel, feeling the breeze and hearing the great swooshing sounds Cas' wings produced without being able to see the expression of felicity on Castiel's face. This was a rare instance in which Dean had accurately deduced Castiel's feelings. Cas had always wished that Dean could be in his angelic presence. Ever since he had pulled him from the pit of Hell, Cas had wanted Dean to know who he really was. Dean kept his eyes squeezed shut and remained totally still as he was bombarded by various strange sensations. He could feel the air moving and sizzling around him, but didn't know where to place his hand to feel Cas. A bold oscillation of Castiel's wings caused his ears to ring.

"I'm sorry," Castiel apologized fearfully. "I can't always control them very well. Did I hurt you?"

"No," Dean replied. When Dean shot out his hand and felt the space near Castiel's shoulder, the angel sharply brushed his wings back and out of Dean's reach. The quick motion caused the television to break, the mirror in the bathroom to crack in half, and several light bulbs to burst. Dean froze in place. "What'd I do?"

"This isn't going to work. Let me help you," Castiel said. He grabbed Dean's arms and pulled the human into his lap. It took considerable effort for Cas to keep his wings spread behind him because they had a natural inclination to curl forward. Castiel's wings desired to swing towards Dean, but he hesitated. Dean dipped his head down to bury his blindfolded face into the crook of Castiel's neck. Dean was fairly certain that his vision shouldn't be a yellowish white with his eyes closed, but he didn't dare tell Castiel that something was unusual. The instant the wings had appeared, Dean had seen the glow although his eyes had been concealed.

"You gonna let me touch you?" Dean asked. He still felt like he was staring at the sun even with his eyes shut, blindfolded, and buried in Castiel's skin. "Let me touch you. I can handle it."

"Okay," Castiel mumbled in a shaky voice. He tried to relax, but it was nearly impossible. "I'll just take your hand and guide it. Tell me if it hurts or if you feel anything else…unusual."

Cas held Dean's head to his chest with one hand and guided his wrist with his other. Dean stretched out his finger and felt a buzz. "Is that it? Did I just touch it?"

"Yeah," Castiel replied. "Did I hurt you? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Can I touch it again?" Dean asked. Castiel had felt Dean's finger for only an instant and it hadn't been nearly enough.

"Okay, but be careful," Castiel answered. He felt Dean's fingers trail across his feathers again and gasped at the sensation. The feeling was odd, but good. The angel broke into a wide smile. Dean caressed him gently and steadily, grinning into Castiel's chest.

The Winchester had never felt anything like Cas' wings before and had no idea what could possibly compare to them. All he could think as his palm ghosted over Castiel's wings was that his mass of plumes felt like a cloud of electricity. His feathers were soft and burned lightly, but not enough to cause Dean pain. Touching Castiel's wings felt like he was touching a beckon of power or the fount of life. Words were lacking to describe it. "Cas, you feel awesome."

Castiel's breath hitched in his throat, "Really?"

"Soft, beautiful, powerful," Dean exhaled and plunged his hand through as many feathers as he could reach. He felt several static stings and then smooth, sleek fibers. "I'm touching you, Cas. Really touching you."

Castiel enveloped Dean closer and pressed his lips to the top of Dean's head. He had never received such an invasive, but intimate touch. Cas couldn't believe Dean was touching him. His wings finally relaxed completely and Dean took a wing for each hand. Dean felt around for the base of each massive appendage and trailed his fingers around the limbs he had only ever been able to imagine before. He brushed his hands out and felt feathers of various lengths.

"Be gentle," Castiel warned, but he was too late. He felt something snag in his feathers and then he felt a pang of pain. "That hurts, Dean!"

"Aw, shit! Cas, I'm stuck," Dean was able to pull away one of his hands but his other hand was wrist deep in feathers. He tried to pull away, but could feel his watch had snagged on Castiel's wing. When he moved, the angel groaned and his wings went into a spasm. The shock from the motion knocked the picture frame off the wall behind them. Dean was only safe because he was being cradled so near Castiel's body. "Shit, shit! Should I pull out?"

"No! Ow, Dean. That hurts. S-Stop."

"I can't! I'm stuck," Dean stammered, "Wait, let me just – hang on, baby, I'm gonna pull just a little bit."

"Dean!"

When Dean heard a snap, his eyes flew open. _I broke Cas_. He took in a frightened breath and started to feel his eyes singe because he couldn't will himself to close them again. In an instant, the piercing light was gone and his blindfold was removed. Castiel was holding Dean's face in his hands and glaring at him, but Dean couldn't see anything. Castiel raised his voice in annoyance, "Why did you pull when I told you not to?"

"I'm sorry," Dean blubbered, "Did I break you? Did I break your wing?"

"No, they're fine. You just hurt me a little," Castiel answered. His anger dissipated and panic began to rise in Cas' chest when he saw that Dean's eyes were not focusing on his face. Dean's green eyes were not scorched, and appeared otherwise normal, but they were unseeing. A trickle of blood trailed from Dean's nose. "Dean?" Castiel swallowed, "Can you see?"

"No," Dean shook his head. He was so unnerved that he gulped and answered honestly, "No, I can't. Cas, why does it smell like blood?"

"That's you. You're bleeding," Castiel said, but Dean didn't hear him because he lost consciousness.

Dean didn't know how long he'd been out, but when he awoke, he still couldn't see. He only knew his eyes were open because he made a conscious effort to blink and Castiel had begun to talk to him. Dean sat up and rubbed his eyes with a fury. When he opened them, he could only see a hazy cloud.

"Dean, are you alright?" The angel asked. "Can you see?"

"No…" Dean cried. He didn't know where Cas was until the man grabbed his arms. Scared and confused, Dean pleaded, "Cas, just heal me. Please."

"I already did."

"What do you mean you already did? How come I can't see then?" Dean trembled because none of this had been a part of his plan. He was holding something soft in his hand and he didn't know what it was, "What's in my hand?"

"One of my feathers. You plucked out one of my feathers."

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry," Dean muttered. When Cas tried to take his feather away, Dean refused to let go.

"Dean, let it go." Cas had tried to remove the feather from Dean's grip as he slept, but the Winchester held on to it resolutely.

"No."

"It's not supposed to be in this world. I don't even know how it's still here."

"Damn it, if I'm gonna be blind, at least let me keep the damn feather." Dean couldn't see the way Cas suffered from the thought that he had blinded Dean. Cas let him go and let him keep the feather. Thankfully, Dean's blindness lasted for only about fifteen minutes longer. The first thing he looked at when he regained his vision was the feather in his hand. At first, it was blurry, but it rapidly became clear. "Hey, Cas? Your feathers are gray?"

Castiel scrambled on top of the bed over to Dean. "Can you see?"

"Yeah, but my eyes hurt like a bitch."

"Dean, don't look at my feather!" Cas tried to pull it away from Dean again, thinking that his wings had already caused enough damage.

"But I'm already looking at it," Dean said and his lips molded into a bright smile because he was gazing upon a piece of the true Cas. He took in Castiel's face next and leapt on top of him. "I can see you too. God am I ever glad I can see you again."

"I thought I had blinded you," Cas groaned in anguish and embraced Dean tightly. "We should have never done that. I told you it was a bad idea."

"Are you kidding? It was totally worth it."

"You were passed out and blind for hours," Castiel cried. "You're still hurting."

Dean had to get used to having functioning eyes again. His soreness began to fade gradually, and the longer he kept his eyes open, the clearer his vision became. He couldn't keep his eyes off the feather. For the first time since plucking it, Dean could fully absorb the sliver of angel in his hand.

Castiel's feather was the dark gray of a deep shadow or a gloomy cavern fog. The color appeared uniform in one instant and then shifting the next. Dean thought the duality of Cas was fascinating and awe-inspiring. A remarkable phenomenon of the universe allowed Castiel to be blindingly bright at the same time that he was so gorgeously dark. A wave of his wings could demolish a motel room, but his feathers were so soft. Dean must have been gripping the feather with crushing force for Cas to be unable to rend it from his clutches as he slept, and yet it remained perfectly intact in his hand. The long, silky, and pliable plume was as strong as steel, just like Cas. When Dean ran his fingers over it, the feather reflected a stunning obsidian shimmer. "It was worth it, Cas. I've never seen anything so beautiful."


End file.
